Well, I did it!

I have a job...a permanent job! I have my own classroom, my own students, my own job! I am soooo excited. I will be teaching math and science for 6th grade! W00T!

I write more when I get a chance to process all this! My head is currently spinning!

Tried of this...

I am sick and tired of not having my own classroom! I have decided that I do not like "regular' subbing...it is more like babysitting. I understand why teachers leave worksheets and busy work for subs, but I am sick of them. They give me nothing to do but sit and watch the kids work on something they don't want to do and I can't tell them why they have to do it. Sigh.

I REALLY want my own classroom. Hopefully I will have one soon!

Turkey...good

Yummm, there is nothing better than a great turkey dinner. DH roasted a wonderful turkey today. Yes, you read that right...DH made the turkey. I made all the other goodies, but the turkey is what he LOVES to do. He has fried them, stuffed them, and roasted them. But today he outdid himself. He brined and roasted the bird. YUM YUM YUM! The white meat (my favorite) was the juiciest, yummiest, wonderful-est ever! (Yeah I know that last one isn't really a word.)

I added cornbread stuffing, deviled eggs and a buttermilk pie to the feast, and I opened the can for the cranberry. Yes, I know we were void of veggies but we had an 11 pound bird for the two of us. We were already over doing it. Of course, the pups got a turkey dinner too! (Yes, the real thing...they got a plate just like we did! Hey they are family too!)

So now we are plenty stuffed and the pups are passed out...tryptophan is fun! In fact I am relatively surprised that DH and I are still up...though I feel the call of the bed.

Thanks so much...

So the holidays are upon us and I know I haven't been posting much about religion of late, so I would like to take a moment to give thanks for everything I have as well as give you a bit of religion. :)

Let's do religion first. I am still pagan, even though I haven't been "doing" much lately. But I don't believe "doing" is overly necessary. Let me take a moment to define "doing." Doing is ritual, magic with all the props. For the past three or four months, I have not been doing. That does not mean that I haven't prayed, talked to God and Goddess, I have. I have woven my magic without the "stuff," I have spoken my needs and found them filled. I had gotten lost in the "doing," I needed the "being."

My group has fallen by the wayside, not for our lack of wanting the group, but more because of Life. You try it sometime try to get four or five adults, all with families, jobs and other obligations, in the same place at the same time. Maybe one day.

Now for the thanks...

I am grateful for:
my DH and all my babies.
my friends and all their support...You guys' ability to listen to me is amazing! :)
my family.
my health (I have come to understand that my ability to avoid illness may be fairly rare.)
finding my calling.
my students...well the ones that once were "my" students.
the teachers at "my"school and their willingness to help me find a full-time job.

Well time to get the turkey marinating!

Later days,
Em

Sad

I am sad. It was my last day with my long term sub position. I am no longer with my kids. AND I WANT THEM BACK! :) I am awesomely glad that the gentleman I was subbing for is better and back...but that I means I am out...done...finito. And I am sad.

I love these kids, even the weird or/and annoying ones...almost especially those weird and annoying ones. Each one is special, and different, and treasured by me. Not that the actual teacher won't treasure them equally...but for the past few months they were mine. I will see them again...but not everyday, so I am sad.

I will be okay...but for now I am going to live in my sadness.

Later,
Em

Leopard is cooL...and other random thoughts

Mac OS X has a new update called Leopard...now at least I waited a couple of weeks since its release (so that makes me less of a geek, right???) but I got it today! And it is freakin awesome! All of the stuff that annoyed me on Tiger seems to be fixed and some of the extras are friggin cool! Like this thing called Spaces, it makes it like you have as many monitors as you want! You can have one space just for internet stuff, one for a project you are working on, etc., etc., etc. Anyway, I will stop geek-ing out now. :)

There are plenty of other things for me to share with you anyway. First, the guy I have been subbing for has finally gotten better. I am very glad that he is better, but that means I have to go back to "regular" subbing. :( Which really is okay, it's not like I am losing my job. In fact, I have probably gained a full time job in the process. {{fingers crossed}} The thing that has me down is that I have to leave the kids and as much as they can drive me up the wall...I am going to miss them BADLY! At least I can sub at the school and see them then...better than not at all. I may have to ask for visitation rights! LOL

Lets see what else has been going on...

The chickens are doing awesome. WE have had to rig a heat lamp and a white light for them to keep them warm and laying regularly. But we literally have too many eggs! We don't know what to do with them all....so send me your egg recipes! :D

DH is still doing great. He is on track to get back in school. And he is really ramping up the reading! (I am soo proud of him...it used to take him ages to finish a book and now he can finish one in a week.) Better attention span, I guess. He did find out what happens if he drinks while on the meds...and it was not fun. I wasn't there to witness since he was on a business trip, but he admitted he would never do that again.

I guess that is enough for now...I promise to write again soon. And I have some pagan-y stuff to talk about. :)

Later days,
Em

Life is good...

Right now, everything is great! DH is doing fine on his meds (he figured out he can drink the non-alcoholic beer to curb the taste cravings). I LOVE my job...of course that won't be the case for much longer, but I am happy that the gentleman I have been subbing for is getting better. I wouldn't wish what he has gone through on my worst enemy. Besides the fact that this will pretty much secure a position for me in the district...in fact the teachers I am working with have been begging me to try to find a way to take the 8-12 science cert so I can be there next year! :) That makes me happy. And the icing on the cake...the kids don't want me to leave! That makes me feel good.

Now to my nice warm snuggly bed...and sleep!
Later-
Em

Not so bad...

Well, DH has been doing good...and it really isn't so bad. However, that could be because I have been spending all my time either at school or grading papers or being otherwise engaged with school...this is slightly crazy that I am loving this so much! I spend my time being frustrated, tired and vaguely annoyed...but I love it.

I really do...because there are SO many little things that make it all worth it. Like today when a student said "I don't think I want you to leave." Or when I apparently made the day of a student simply by telling her she could remove her shoes in class (it had rained that day and her socks and shoes were soaked). Or when a student asked me if I had had a good day and then proceeded to tell off the most annoying kid in the class by saying "she is having a good day, don't go and screw it up!" (I had to laugh at that one!)

Who would have guessed that the one the one thing I had been attempting to run fast and furious away from all my life would be the one thing that would make me the happiest.

GO figure!

Later days,
Em

And the first pill is taken...

Well DH started the meds today. I don't remember what they are called but they will make him sick if he has any alcohol what-so-ever, even alcohol in a sauce can make him sick. It doesn't take away the cravings or the crappy mood that he will be in for the next month or so. So here we go...

Now I remember...

why I loved high school. Friday nights. Granted I lived in Louisiana for my high school time, but I was in the band and LOVED every minute of it, even if our team was not so good...

But now I am in the Friday Night state of Texas. And now that I am subbing long term and my kids (yes I am calling them mine for now) were begging me to come to the game, I went...more to watch the band than the game, but I know remember exactly how much I loved Friday nights. There is just something about the air in a football arena, and the turn to fall that you get to be a part of when you are sitting in that stadium. The crisp fall air can only feel exactly like that when you are surrounded by people that are excited and the lights are blinding and the team runs on to the field to the fight song. Sure it can feel nice at other times, but it is different.

Long live Friday Night High School Football!

Night,
Em

Why am I typing at 6:40 am?

I don't know...but I haven't been writing here much lately and I haven't really been journaling much lately either...so I am guessing this feeling I am having is from not doing either. I recently realized that I am getting into long conversations when long conversations are needed. I guess my psyche is trying to compensate for not getting things out. So here we go.

I really, really, really love teaching. And I really, really, really want my own room. While I am perfectly happy helping out the teacher that I am subbing for, it is still their room with their stuff, their bulletin boards, their layouts. See the thing is even though I am a sub, I really want these kids to do well...and no I don't know why I care so much. And I even care that much about the ones that don't.

Second, DH is maybe actually quitting drinking. He even went so far as to talk to the doctor and get the medicine that makes you sick if you drink. Unfortunately, though it does not help with the withdrawal symptoms and I am not wanting to deal with him in withdrawal. I will. But it doesn't mean I have to like being treated like dirt and getting snapped at and the general disagreeableness of a man without a drink for a month until he gets out of it.

I also have learned not to get my hopes up. He always does good for 4 or 5 months then something happens. Sometimes it is something big and obvious, sometimes it is something most of us would barely even notice, but either way it is read by DH as catastrophic, must have drink. And off we go again. So I ain't holding my breath, but we will see and hope...a little, that it sticks this time.

Anyway, sorry for the generally depressing post. But I am a generally depressed mood...I promise to come and tell you about the chickens and other fun, happy stuff when the rain lets up.

Later,
Em

Okay...so...

That weekend of writing never came around...it was horribly blockaded by a mad dash to remember all things Biology so that I could teach kids biology without screwing them up completely.

I have gotten a semi-permanent subbing position so it involves actual teaching, which is awesome but highly time consuming. But at least I am getting great experience and great references. So anyway that is why I haven't been writing...

Now back to my regularly scheduled cram session!

Later,
Em

Quick Note

Okay, I know it has been awhile since I posted...and I really do have a lot to write about, but it is one of those things that I have soooo much to say that I am not saying anything. So I plan on sitting down and posting everything very soon. Maybe even this weekend...so here is what to come...

1) The trip to New York (AWESOME!)
2) Teaching Update (And the job search continues)
3) Chickens and Eggs...Lots and lots of eggs
4) The Joys of Chicken discovering how to jump a 6 foot fence
5) Languages are fun! (Teaching myself Latin and refreshing once known Spanish)
6) The Ongoing Saga of DH and his Drinking...this time he has got to stop

And I am sure there is even more that my allergy addled brain can't think of right now...so I will hopefully go get some sleep and then get some of this down soon...

Later,
Em

Working=New Toy!!!

I got a new camera!!!! A digital SLR! For those non-photographers those are the big cameras with changeable lens. DH and I are going to New York City tomorrow and since he had dropped my digital point and shoot (P&S) a few months ago, he told me I could get a new digital camera for the trip.

SO I go to the store and call him like this is how much the P&S ones are...and he response is "Oh, I thought you wanted the SLR digital."

At which I quickly responded, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I CAN GET ONE OF THOSE!!!"

"Well, it doesn't make since to get something lesser if you want the SLR."

"Yeah, I do want the SLR but it is 3 or 4 times more expensive."

"Yeah, well, Happy 'You got a f^@&in job'!"

So a few hundred dollars later, I have a digital SLR! And now I can have all the control I want AND be able to see if I got the shot without waiting for film!

Now if only I can figure out how to post the damn pics! :)

I am the Evil Substitute!

Well, I did it. My first time in a classroom...as a substitute. Not the job I want or need, but a job nonetheless. And experience is always good.

And I did not realize what a valuable tool reading glasses can be. You should try this if you have glasses of any type...slide them towards the end of your nose so you can just see over the rim...now don't you feel hawkish and evil? [evil snicker] Well if you don't, you might not be doing it right...or maybe you need 25 senior students in front of you falling silent. [evil grin] And who knew that every trick in the book is still the same as when I was in High School...I figured it out the kids change, but the ideas all stay the same. Who knew? I guess I figured these kids are more worldly and adult like...but they still use the same ol' "I was just discussing the assignment" when they get caught chatting.

Anyway, I figure the worst is over now. If I can handle Seniors on a Friday before a long weekend....sixth graders should be a snap!

Why the H#!! can't we talk to people anymore!!!

Why is EVERYTHING online/recorded phone system/other automated devices? Why can't we talk to another person?

I know there is a slight irony in me ranting about this on a blog. However, there is no pressing need that someone discuss this with me, there is no immediate need that a person be on the other end. However, when there is a job involved or immediate need to find out something about say your bank account, there REALLY should be a person on the other end of the phone!

Okay that is my rant...I am stepping off the soapbox now.

And now the high wears off...

Well I passed the test, and I am VERY excited about that. But now the high has worn down a little and I am facing the fact that I STILL do not have a job. The school year starts tomorrow for the kids...meaning if I get hired now I will be behind the Eight Ball. That does NOT mean that I don't want to be hired...in fact I think the challenge might be some fun after the daily blah of not having much to do.

But anyway the reason I am here...I NEED A JOB! Please will all of you, my loyal readers, please help me put this need to the universe in whatever form you choose. And please leave a comment for whatever you would like put to the universe and I will help you out...you know fair trade and all that! :) Thanks.

Later days,
Emerald

I DID IT!!!!!!!

I PASSED THE TEST!!!!!!!!!! 278 out of 300! WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Looks like...

Scarlett is going to be next in the egg laying! She was nesting today and her comb and jowls are getting very red ( I think I had mentioned before, but if not, the comb and jowls getting red is a sign of maturity and getting ready to lay!).

BTW, the eggs that Hen lays everyday are amazing! They are super tasty! I am now a firm believer in the greatness of home raised eggs.

Slowly going insane...

All this free time is KILLING ME! I am tired of not having anything to do...and I actually WANT a job. The only good thing about all this free time is that I have had time to start learning Latin, teach myself Calculus (the one subject that killed my GPA) and work on my teaching stuff that is online. Today, in fact, I had a proper "school" day for myself.

It started with a nice healthy brain-builder of a breakfast. Then a calculus lesson, then a Latin lesson (I can now say "The mule walks in the woods. The mule does not like the woods." and other relatively useless phrases about mules and the woods). Then I moved on to a philosophy reading, then a piano lesson. Yes, as you can see I am bored.

The best thing I can say about all of this is that all of these things are things I want to learn and will prove useful when I go back to get my PhD. We (DH and I that is) have decided to give it a year on the moving. For one really basic reason, we can't afford it right now. But a minor secondary reason is that I have to finish my teaching program or pay for it anyway. So it is best to just go on through it.

So for now, I am staying put and desperately seeking a teaching position (as well as STILL waiting for the results of my first cert test).

Eggs!!!!

Well, the one of the girls has started laying eggs! The one we thought was the oldest proved us right last week. She has lain one everyday with one exception which apparently is common for a hen to "take a day off" every once in a while.

And they all seem to have fallen into the pattern of egg equals out. So they are all three very vocal about Hen's morning work being done. It is very funny. The three of them stand at the gate of their yard, yelling at me as I walk outside. I can very clearly understand what they are saying, "Hey, Hen's done, there's an egg already. Will you PLEASE GET US THE HELL OUTTA HERE............NOW!!!" They obviously really like running free in the yard, and I let them have the yard for most of the day, since I have started taking Will and B on walks in the afternoons and so they don't need to be able to run around in the back as much.

It has been pretty hot these past few days so DH and I wanted to make sure the hens didn't get too uncomfortable, so we bought them a fan that can move the air in the coop for them, basically enough to keep them from becoming roasted chicken. They did not care for it when we first turned it on (seeing as sounded something akin to a small jet engine taking off), but once they discovered its cooling potential they have allowed it to remain in their presence. They are fully maintaining their "Southern Belle" status.

Hitting "enlarge" again...

A few weeks ago, while studying for my teacher's certification exam (which I took this past Saturday and won't have any clue of how I did for THREE weeks!) I found myself hitting the enlarge the font shortcut on my keyboard...like three or four times! So I decided it was time to stop playing around and get my butt to the optometrist. I have had ( and tried to get away without wearing) glasses since I was about 14. And it had been about three years since I last went to the doc and about two years since I had worn the glasses I had gotten then. (Not good I know)

So off I went...I thought "Oh it won't be too bad. Probably just need something to help when I am reading, that is all!" YEAH RIGHT! Turns out I am blind...not as blind as a bat...but blinder than I thought I was. The thing is that my left eye doesn't see very well so my right eye takes over (thus why I think I can see okay)...then the right eye tires out and...viola! I am hitting the "enlarge" button again.

So the doc provides me with a prescription that is actually less than the one I need...cause, in his words, "[I] would hate [him] if [he] gave [me] what [I] really needed." Basically, I would never return to his bright shiny office of things that tell me my eyes suck!

So I traipse off the the Eyemaster's next door and purchase my shiny new specs. And then proceed to gradually incorporate them into daily constant wear. Surprisingly, I can see sharp edges again!

But over the past few nights I have found myself hitting the "enlarge" button. (He told me this might happen.) It looks like I will be going by way of my mother...and have a separate pair of... {cringe} Reading Glasses. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Oh well, I guess this is what I get after years of reading into the wee hours of the morning. And if I wish to continue my beloved past time, it appears that I am going to have to get over the fact that I am turning very solidly into my mother...at least the doc isn't suggesting bifocals...yet.

Just when...

Just when I am getting happy with where I am and what I am doing, DH goes and throws a curve ball.

For the past few months, we have been discussing what we will be doing for the next few years. You know general couple discussions. Well, we had come to the conclusion that I should go through getting my teacher's certification and teach in grade school for a few years before I go back to get my PhD. I want to get my PhD in Philosophy and ultimately teach at a college. This was to accomplish the goal of getting rid of the debt I had built in school the first time around and get rid of the little of "regular" debt we have as well before I throw myself into yet another four years of school. So that is what I have wrapped my head around...I have gotten excited about having a classroom full of pre-teens hopefully ready to learn.

Then, DH's curve ball...He has been traveling for work for the past three weeks (to the corporate office) and has been getting the usual joking, picking and ragging about not living there. So he calls me the other night and starts in on the university that is near the office. Does it have the program I want? Would I want to go there? Would I be willing to go with him next week and meet with people there? And he actually says, when I mention the debt and the fact that we had decided I should work for a while to help get rid of it, "I don't care, I just want you to either work or be in school, either way." WHAT!!! The money man, that one that has been bitchin' about debt and money, is saying that I can go to school instead of making more money????

All of that is great, don't get me wrong. I REALLY want to go back school, that is why I want to be a teacher, well really a college professor, because that is the only way that I get to be a student forever. And I want nothing more than to get on with the school...but I had stopped looking at schools, stopped looking at class listings, stopped looking at the things I want to learn...and I started learning what is needed for classroom teaching and put my desires away for a while.

Basically, I did this to keep myself sane. If I had continued looking at class listings, it would have made me crazy. Proof of what I could be doing, or things that I should be learning, just general excitement to me :) that would push me over the edge, while I was biding my time to get to go back to the good ol' college campus. But now, DH calls me and begs me to go to the college site and see if what they have is what I want...Sigh...I am back to yearning to be in a classroom...a college classroom...and to be learning.

And all of this is happening three days before I have to take a test for my certification...:( I am sure that DH will get back here and realize that it isn't feasible to move right now in this market and with the debt that we have, and I will be back to practical. Which is fine, and it is still on the path to where I want to go, it will just take a little longer to get there. But now I have to come back down from the contact high that I get from a college course catalog.

Remodeling is fun! And VERY hard!

So I have spent the past four days with my mom remodeling my kitchen...well taking off the multiple layers of wallpaper and painting. Sounds simple, right? Well you would be wrong...what we thought would be a simple 2 day job turned into a four day expedition, or a 4-trip to Home Depot job. Whichever you choose to call it.

We started off thinking we would just take down the wallpaper (that we thought was only two layers thick) and then paint and be through...nope. There were six layers of wallpaper and some of them were painted (which proved harder to remove in some places). Then there was a hideous mirror, a la 1970's trailer style, that had to come down, but it managed to pull the sheetrock's paper almost completely off, leaving nice bubble spots that had to be spackled. And I am not saying a typical spackle spot...I mean an entire 4x8 foot area of the wall! But it is all finally done and I spent today cleaning and reorganizing the kitchen and it finally looks like MY kitchen! We have lived here for 6 years and finally the kitchen (were I spend most of my time) looks like me!

It now has yellow walls (and I mean yellow, like a lemon) and this really cool back splash. It looks like the old time-y pressed tin panels but it is plastic, so very easy to clean! Mom spotted it on one of the many trips to Home Depot and it is PERFECT! I love it. I am very lucky Mom came along to help with all of this because I would have never gotten it done...and we would be living on take out forever! :)

Summer Cleaning

Well I have gotten the cleaning bug. It all started when our neighbor offered us his piano (he is moving and can't take it with him). So that meant I had to find a place to put it, which meant shifting everything around...and since I was doing that might as well clean the floors and floorboards while the space is empty. SO for the entire week I have been moving, shifting, rearranging and cleaning.

Luckily I am even in the mood to clean the rest of the house where things are not getting shifted around. I guess having two rooms sparkling makes me want it all to sparkle. I have also managed to get the lingering scent of Chloe (my Satan cat that I finally had to give away...she didn't do well with other animals) out of the house. Unfortunately that meant throwing away a really nice rug...but it could not be cleaned anymore. The cleaning guy told me that if he cleaned it again it would literally fall apart. OH well...I got a Wally World special to replace it...that way if one of the current kitties gets mad, I don't have to throw away $500 worth of rug again.

My room is now officially my office. I have moved my clutter catcher (my desk) from the front to where I will use it. The front is where the piano will soon be sitting. :) I did put away my altar stuff, and the altar is now just a coffee table in the corner of the room sporting my stereo and scrap booking stuff. My altar items are in storage boxes underneath it and can be easily accessed. It was quite funny talking to my mom about moving everything around. You could hear the hope in her voice that I may have moved out of a "phase." Of course I am just letting her be hopeful, I figure we didn't really talk about it before so why now.

Speaking of Mom, she has offered to come visit and help me un-wallpaper the kitchen! YAY!!!! I am very excited. We have lived in this house for six years and the wallpaper has bugged me everyday of it. But it is too big of a project for just me. I have painted every other room in the house, except for the kitchen and the two bathrooms (they are wallpapered too). So once I get the kitchen done,I am two small rooms away from this being MY house completely. Meaning my decorations, style, and personality. Not just make do until I get time to do it.

Well that is all the time I have for now. I have to go pick up the furniture dollies to move the piano. And get some more cleaning supplies...it is amazing how many dust cloths and mop heads, and how much cleaning solution one can go through when cleaning a 1400 square foot house! Well I guess the fur may complicate my house a little! :)

Later,
Em

Getting used to alone

So it is the Fourth of July...at 8:55pm and I am at home with the babies...alone. Thats right, no bbq, no fireworks, no nothing. DH is out doing a fire watch for a fireworks show with his radio guys (oh he has a new hobby of HAM radio). So you ask why the hell aren't you there with him? Well that is just it, I could be there but not with him...you have to be in the group to go and stand that close to where things might fall on your head. So I could have gone and fought the crowds ALONE...and that makes you feel that much more alone. So here I sit. I am planning a nice little spa night with a brand new Joss Stone cd. (BTW, she ROCKS!)

All of this is to say that I am getting used to being alone. It gives you time to think. And in my case, study and HOPE for a nice middle school teaching position. The thing that is mildly disturbing is the fact that I am alone in a house with a DH right there. How the hell are you alone when there is another human right there? Almost all the time. That is very disturbing, how the hell did we get here...in the same house yet alone. It is sad.

To add to this, I have lost myself...at least my religion. I am actually considering putting away my altar. Not getting rid of it, just putting away the stuff for a while. I am still pagan, but I just don't want the stuff right now. I guess I need to be alone.

Back to two hands

Well I have had a week of rest on the wrist and shoulder and they are doing much better. I am still not using my arm for picking up heavy items...but I should be able to next week. My chiropractor said that I overstretched the nerve in my shoulder and then managed to re-injure it a couple of times and that is why the pain moved down to my wrist. Oh well. At least it seems to be better now.

As to everything else, I have started a small library that will go into my classroom once I am hired and given one. :) I am not sure I have mentioned this...I am applying to be a middle school teacher. I have started an online alternative certification program and I am hoping to have a teaching position this coming school year. So yes I have come full circle and I now fully embrace my teaching side. Like I have said before it easier to embrace it rather than it continually kicking me in the @ss.

So off I go into the unseen future....
Later,
Em

Typing with one hand...almost

So I have managed to do something to my wrist...my right wrist! :( So I am trying my best to keep my hand immobilized to let it get better, it is basically doing the shift key for caps and question marks. The thing that sucks is I have no idea what I did to the thing...I didn't do anything remarkable or memorable. <> Oh well...hopefully a couple days in a wrist wrap will fix it. Well that and a visit to my chiropractor! :)

Gardening and the other past stuff that got left out

In my philosophical ick of last post, I didn't get to update all the other stuff that has happened over this period of silence.

First, gardening. The peaches seem to have bitten the dust. And the garden boxes aren't finished yet. These are both due to the same thing...a weeks worth of very heavy, very total and complete thunderstorms. Not spring showers, spring dumps! The rain, while badly needed, really didn't have to come all at once. Within two days, all the local lakes, ponds and rivers were full and near flood point. Unfortunately my backyard is sometimes classified as a pond. For some reason it holds water. Effectively drowning my peach tree! :( My other plants did well enough, since most are in pots and I could just take them out of the bases to drain through. The garden boxes aren't built because the use of power tools in a pond is not suggested. :) SO hopefully they will get built this week.

DH has to finish the chicken coop so I should be able to get the boxes done at the same time. The girls are getting VERY big, they are almost full grown and are fully feathered now (which they may not be very happy about in this heat). We have discovered they have a love for lettuce, apples, celery and watermelon! Watermelon is by far their favorite, they eat it right down to the skin (they eat the white pith too!). Currently, they are scavenging in the backyard. I just mowed and they like getting all the good bugs I turn up. Worms, YUMMY! :)

In the music world, my friend Serenity Springs listed a new singer on her site AND WOW!!!! I love her for turning me onto Amy Winehouse. This girl is amazing. Especially if you like soul, blues-y, big band stuff. Amy Winehouse has serious vocal power! WOW.

Another discovery another friend put me onto is www.pandora.com. It is this amazing free radio site. You can put in the name of a group or song you like and then it plays music that matches what you put in. It is great for those days you just want to listen to something but not the stuff you have...or if you just want some randomness in your music. Plus it is a great way to discover new music that matches the stuff you really love.

I think my group is pretty much done for...partly because of scheduling. But mostly because of the stuff I talked about last post. A crisis in your beliefs is not conducive to guiding others. I have to find my way again before I can get a group going again.

Well I guess that is about it for now. I am off to the shower...just got done in the yard and I am ICKY!

Later,
Em

Well...

I am soooo sorry that I have gone into complete hiding as of late. After graduation, I have been lost in what to do, and have ended up not doing much at all. I have succeeded in getting accepted into a alternative teaching certification program and I have decided to teach 6-8 grade, reading/English, history or social studies (depending on what I get hired to do). And that is pretty much it.

I have been hanging out, getting a butt load of reading done. I have found The Teaching Company and its extensive array of DVD lectures that have provided learning and entertainment. And YES I did say learning...I miss school. A LOT. More than I thought was possible. The books I have been reading have been philosophy stuff (as well as some "fun" stuff too). But I think the philosophy is fun and interesting. And it has given me a lot of reflecting to do, and a lot of questioning too. And that is probably why I haven't been here much.

It is hard to think this stuff out, much less write it out. I have tried talking it out, thinking it out, dreaming it out, and writing it out...and none has made anything any clearer. But I think that is the way it is supposed to go. Read something, think about it, see where it fits within your beliefs or if it even does fit, and if it doesn't is it something you want to add to your beliefs. Will this change your beliefs? Will your beliefs hold up to what you add? If they don't are they really worth it?

So there you go. That is a peak into what is going on in my brain, and it is just a peak...a full view would lead even the sane-ist of people to the way of madness. And I don't want to be held responsible to adding to the crazies of the world.

I promise to try and be better about keeping you filled in.

Later days,
E

Almost there...

Well guys, I know I have been terribly quiet lately. But I swear it is for a good cause! And I am ALMOST DONE!!! One more paper (which is 2/3's done) and then I am finished! YAY!!!!

I just thought I would stop in and give a bit of an update and some random stuff that has piled up while I have been kicking @ss.

First the family has grown...by three. Three chicks...literally chicks as in baby chickens. In our attempt to be more organic and my attempt at being a gardener, we have decided that chickens would be a great benefit. They (all are female) will lay eggs for us, eat the pesties that my organic attempts at pesticide don't get and they will provide ample fodder for my compost pile. And they up the cute factor in the family too. (If someone could tell me how to post a damn picture on here I would share the cuteness.) They are all little Southern ladies, with the names to match. There is an Orphington Buff named Henrietta (couldn't pass that up!), a Production Red named Scarlett (get it? she is red) and a Barred Rock named Georgette (that means "earth worker" fits for a chicken that is responsible for taring up the yard!). It will be about 6 months before we get our first eggs, but after they start laying we should get about a dozen and a half a week. Any one got any good egg recipes? :)

Okay lets see, what else? Oh I have found a great singer!!! Regina Spektor. She rocks and she has a cool history too. Her music is very funky alternative, with great lyrics and piano, and cool vocals. And she happens to be perfect to study too! LOL Of course now I figure that out.

On to gardening, my bumper crops are still bumping. My sweet basil has managed to recover from whatever it was that was ailing it (I think it was the cold snap...remember when it SNOWED on Easter) and my nasturtiums have started to bloom. Peaches are big enough that I can see them on the tree from across the yard...I can't wait to taste them! YUMMY! I have planted my first two garden boxes, with blackberries and purple potatoes (for those of you that are rolling your eyes right now, yes I have to have everything in purple...and they were the best looking of the seed potatoes available). I am planning on a total of 8 boxes but I have to finish building them...that will be for next week...actually starting Monday at noon!

As far as my group is...well it hasn't been much lately. We have all been involved in life (I am assuming that for the ones I haven't heard from, hope all is well) and obviously I have put most, scratch that, all of my stuff on the back burner until I am done with school. So we haven't gotten together of late.

Well that is all my hands can handle for the typing...gotta save some for later too! :)

Later days!
Em

Quiet=Graduate

I have been so busy! I am trying to graduate...may have mentioned that once or twice before. :) But that requires writing a 30 to 40 page paper that is due (in first draft form) on Friday...yes the one that is currently barrelling towards us at a very disturbing pace. Also in the mean time I have found a love for gardening and yard work, and unfortunately it is MUCH more alluring than old dusty books about the democratization of Eastern Europe.

So far, I have managed a thriving (never thought I would be able to use that word in relation to me and gardening) bed of impatiens, an ever growing bed of culinary and tea herbs, four pots of different types of mint, a pot of tomatoes that have started to bud, a pot of jalapenos, three indoor potted plants and a brand new peach tree! More is on the way! Heck I might even figure out how to post pics on here and let you see what I have done. DH has helped a lot too...in fact he was the main force behind getting and digging the huge hole required for planting the peach tree. And more is on the way...I am planning a garden in the backyard.

The other discovery I have made in gardening (other than I can actually do this) is organic gardening isn't that hard nor does it mean that you have to live with bad little pesties. Compost does ALOT, you can use a mixture of compost called compost tea and mix with things like molasses or citrus oil and get rid of a number of gross little pesties that like to munch on plants. You also get to release fun bugs like praying mantis and ladybugs that are able to feast on some of the little beasties as well.

I will try to post the link for my favorite new organic sources in case any one is interested in joining me on this lovely trip to further hippie-dom. :)

Now back to the boring, keep me inside, reading dusty old books paper...that MUST GET DONE so I can get the hell outta here!

So I know I have been quiet lately...

but WOW have I been busy! I am trying to figure out what to do with my life. What direction is best right now for what I want to do down the line, and that ain't no easy figurin'. On top of that is school (last semester), the papers that go along with that, family, the group (YES we will meet soon, even if I must drag you all kicking and screaming), pups and kitties (which I am up to 5 cats now and it will be staying that way, DH has been informed), and all other bits and pieces that can slowly drive one insane.

Now first to what direction I am heading...well the PhD is still the chosen path, however I feel it may be necessary to take a round-about method of getting there. I am afraid that the deadlines have past at the schools I would have preferred and they are all not anywhere near me and we are in no way or shape able to move right now. SOOOOO...the original plan was to go to my current campus for the PhD...but the more I think about that the worse it sounds. There is the problem of academic incest (yes that is a term used by people, and refers to getting all your letters aka degrees from the same school, I didn't know what it was either), which seems to be a bigger issue than first imagined. Then there is the issue that my school doesn't offer exactly what I want...so no sense in fighting though to get something I don't want, right?

So now for the round-about part...I am thinking of getting my teacher's cert and teaching high school...yes I am insane...and no so far no one has laughed at this idea...at least to my face. Okay so take a second to catch your breathe...

My logic is this. This gives me a way to make money, gain teaching experience, and allows for DH to be able to go back to get his masters...at which point he gets a job in the field he WANTS to be in and then I can pick my school and back for the PhD...of course this also gives us time to get to a position of being able to be mobile across the nation, which in turn gives me the school I want and program I need. It does sound like a win-win-win...right? And I did say I was going to stop running from being a teacher.

Okay, so with that out...here is some more randomness...

Yes, I now have 5 cats. Tigg and Raff, whom I have spoke of before, And the new 3. Baby, Punkin, and Candy. I believe I may have previously referenced them with a promise to fill you in so here I go.

Baby (mom of the other two) adopted me. She carefully pushed her way into my heart and brought a few litters of kittens along with her. I raised them (the litters) and then did the only thing I could do, took them to the ASPCA. Then this past Labor Day (this is ironic, you will see in a minute) Baby came to me covered in motor oil! So I took her inside and gave her 4 baths (and yes she let me) and decided that since I had her in and I had the money, I was going to take her to the vet on Tuesday (it being labor Day and all the vet wasn't in on Monday). Sooooo....I call on Tuesday morning make the appointment, go check on Baby and here is the ironic part, she was in labor! Two kittens, a cancelled appointment and a few months later...I have 5 cats, inside co-existing happily. And as I said DH has been informed that this house will remain so. :) Everyone is spayed or neutered, so no more kitties for us (thank the Goddess). But I am happy with my home now. It is perfectly full again. (And easier to take care of than the last time I had this many...cause now it is only the cats' litter boxes to clean, rather than cat, ferret and bird...that was work!)

Okay so I am thinking that I have rambled on and bored you all quite enough.

Later days-
Em

Weddings are fun...

especially when you have the most incompetent wedding coordinator in Florida.

Well I am back from my weekend jaunt to Flordia for my best friend's wedding. It was great! She and I spent the majority of our time giggling and laughing and reliving old times, which was my ploy to keep her unstressed. (Which apparently I did very well, I have never had so many people tell me what a great job I did...and I didn't even think I was working!)

The unfortunate wedding coordinator didn't even sour our moods. We managed to turn her and her incompetence into a great series of jokes that will be remembered forever. All I will say is if you ever plan to marry in Pensacola, DO NOT USE THE INCLUDED WEDDING COORDINATOR! It would be worth the money to get someone else!

Now that I am back, it is time to get on schedule. The tri I was shooting for is full so my first tri is going to be a little further into the season, but that is okay. I want a little more time to train, seeing as how I have been in the slacker category for the past couple of weeks. School really gets in the way sometimes, you know?

And it all comes together in the end...

Well I have finished the paper that is due this afternoon and have an introduction for the one for tomorrow. YAY! And I even got to sleep some! Imagine that...

Now it is time for a short break and a few updates. First, have mentioned this is my last semester...then I move into Grad School torture. If I haven't now I have. But this leads me to the first topic...Graduation. Why is it that this idea freaks me out so thoroughly. It is not like anything is going to change really, I am planning on staying at the same college, I will be living in the same place. Still be around my friends and family but somehow graduation is freaking me out! *sigh* Probably has something to do with this craziness I call my brain.

Next, my training seems to have ground to a halt. At first, I had that neck issue/injury. Then, well I just haven't gotten going again. Between the weather, school and the random freak outs (see above), I just haven't gotten moving again. I am still getting my Yoga classes and home practices in, which is good. Yoga is the one thing that actually helps the freak outs go away, something about the breathing. If you remember to breathe, you don't tend to hyperventilate as easily.

Finally, I get to go to my best-friend-from-high-school's wedding this weekend. In fact I am in it. I am very excited about being able to go see her and meet her soon-to-be-hubby. DH got my ticket (round trip) for $5! (Plus a lot of frequent flier miles, but hey it still just $5!) So I will get to see my friend for the cost of a value meal! Don't ya just love bargains!

Anyway, back to that second paper I go. Hopefully all freak outs will remain at bay until it is finished! *crossing fingers*

Again with the procrastination...

Yes I am up to it again. But this time I am trying to get my brain to get moving. I have been staring at the computer for the last 3 hours and I have the grand total of one paragraph actually saved. Although I have typed the equivalent of about 3 pages and deleted it...too soapbox-y.

Anyway, now I am trying that whole "just start writing" thing. But since I don't want to delete yet more words, I am putting them here. So if this randomly moves off to the politics of motherhood or an examination of judicial intervention in war powers you should understand. Count yourself as warned.

The thing that sucks monkey balls is that I have the answers in my head, really they are there, but they refuse to be transmitted to a medium that is acceptable to my teachers as an assignment. I think they would be slightly frightened if I turned in a small portion of my brains and said "There, it is all in there. And apparently political science DOES require brain surgery! What is my name again?"

Ah the joys of the wild and crazy thoughts that my brain harbors. Believe me it is a scary place, my brain. One second it is making perfect sense then the next it is contemplating the joys of jazzerise and if we should try it out. Or some other strange something...as Lorelai Gilmore says "monkey, monkey, underpants." Yes, my brain is a strange place indeed.

Have you ever...

had something to do, say a paper or papers for school, that you just did not want to do so you found every possible way to procrastinate?

Well I am a master at the aforementioned dilemma. In fact this is one of my ingenious ways to avoid working on aforementioned papers. I have got to work on these papers, unfortunately I find contemplating the universe and all the stupidity within it much more important.

Pain hurts

Okay I know that is...well...it is what it is. But it is true.

There is physical pain. A pain in the neck or arm or leg. I am specifically experiencing a combination of neck and shoulder pain. It is driving me batty and severely limiting my training for the upcoming triathalon. But I am dealing with it and I will get though it...before the race! But physical pain is almost easy compared to its sibling...

Emotional pain.

My great uncle recently passed away. In fact I leave tomorrow to go to his funeral. And while I truly believe he is in a better place and is no longer experiencing ANY pain, the emotional pain left behind with my great aunt is hard and heavy.

My great uncle was a very strong, caring, loving man. He was like a second grandfather to me (well I guess third if you are counting both sides of the family, either way he was special). My great aunt, I am afraid, is carrying the worst of the emotional pain. Because she was the one with him all the time, she was the one who had to watch daily as this great big loving man slowly lost his mind and then his body. In his death, I see release for him, peace and a place where he is whole again. But in his death, I also see the pain in my great aunt's eyes from losing the one and only love of her life. That is why it is the emotional pain that is the worst.

My shoulder will heal and fairly soon as long as I don't do anything stupid. But my aunt's pain is not so easy a wound to fix. She can't just put a salve on the cut, or take an aspirin for the ache. She has her son, her family, her friends. But we cannot expect to take the place of a big strong and sometimes grumpy old man who would sit in his chair and threaten to "throw us in the pond," and laugh like that was the best joke in the world.

We love you, Daddy R! And will miss you. I am glad you are in a better place. And you better be good or I am sure someone there will throw you in the pond!

Tigg, the snaggle-toothed cat

Well that is that. Tigg lost the tooth. Rather it was cut out by the vet. It was so infected the vet had to fill it with antibiotics and stitch it up. He is resting now and enjoying all the soft food he can stuff himself with, so all is well. I feel slightly better now that Tigg is doing better.

Note to self: Check all my babies' mouths REGULARLY!

Update

My advisor still sucks...still screwed up...but at least did try to fix it. But no go...I am not going to get my minor. Oh well. This means I get to drop one of my classes now and have more time for my research.

Which I must get back to now! :)

Later days!

Sometimes I feel like a horrible mommy

*sigh* My poor old boy, Tigg, has a very badly infected tooth...like to the point that the gums are moving down the tooth and the tooth itself is very soft. And I only found it today! And of course the vet wasn't going to be there this afternoon. SO my poor baby has to wait until Monday. Poor guy! I feel so bad for him, I know it hurts. Thank the Goddess that I have been feeding everybody soft food lately...or he would not have been able to eat at all! :(

Ahh the joys of life

The crack sound my back makes at the chiropractor's office.

A voice mail from my DH wondering if I am okay, because I was running late after a workout.

A new pair of running shoes, all shiny, white and begging to be dirty!

B's reaction when I return home...no matter how long I have been gone, to her it has been FOREVER!

A new gadget that will hold my iPod as I drive...that DH got for a steal on eBay after I mentioned I wanted one.

Will's reaction after I get home...much like B's but a little more dignified.

A perfect cup of tea...any flavor will do but cinnamon is my current favorite.

The sound of kittens playing (yes I have added to the clan or rather it grew, remind me and I will fill you in later!)

A hot shower.

Chocolate scented soap and lotion (for in and after that hot shower)

A warm cozy blanket in front of a fire...it helps if the blanket is feather stuffed and purple (my favorite color).

The feeling you get from running 3 miles on a really cold day...the reactions from others are pretty cool too! :)

Okay now don't get used to this...

Wow I have really been updating a fair amount lately, BUT I am not promising it will continue. I will try though.

Well, DH and I had a wonderful dinner for my birthday. I had grilled lamb chops and he had sole with a lobster sauce. YUM!

Anyway now I am on full tri training. Wanna know how you know if you are on true full tri training? You go for a 3 mile run in the FREEZING cold and have to avoid icy patches on the road so you don't fall and blow the season before it even starts!

Tomorrow I am getting up to swim (yes, swim but in an indoor pool) at 5:30 am...then go to class then go to yoga for an hour tomorrow night. Yoga is actually the "easy" workout.

I am back to eating all the time. But all the right stuff, you have to fuel those workouts. They each burn about 600 calories, now you see why I eat all the time.

I am not sure if I ever posted where I started. The highest I ever weighed on the scale was 255 BUT I was bigger than that, I just didn't want to see where I really was so I started losing then weighed a few weeks into it. And I am currently down to 215 and down 4 pants sizes. I am pretty proud of me. I didn't even feel guilty about eating my b-day cake...I knew I would burn it off quickly. :)

Well I best hit the sack, so I will be able to stand/swim in the morning.

Later days
Emerald

Crappy weather sucks!

It is my birthday and the Gods remembered! :) They like sending crappy weather to me on my birthday, They think it is fun! lol

Actually it isn't too bad because now I get to go to a nice restaurant nearby (that I wouldn't have thought of had I not been distance-restrained) and then curl up with DH and the pups in front of a fire! YAY! :) I am sure the cats will join in too if it fits their schedule!

SO I am off to get dressed for dinner. We are going early so we don't get stuck out too late. Late+Rain+Cold+Stupid Texas Drivers= VERY BAD

Then when we get home I get to have birthday cake that my friend's very sweet mom made for me. It is PURPLE (my favorite color) and it has a fudge icing FILLING! Not to mention the ever so yummy creamy icing on top! YUM! And just so you all know...Birthday cake has exactly NO calories and NO fat! lol

Later days!
Emerald

Advisors DO NOT advise...

...they screw up your life! (Okay, maybe not my whole life, but certainly a part of it!) I am speaking of college advisors. Today I found out that what I had figured out class-wise was RIGHT! My advisor was looking at a wrong copy of my classes completed list!

First let me say this is only concerning my minor...I CAN still graduate just not with credit for the extra work I have done! No Minor for me! Or I can delay my graduation until the summer for ONE FREAKIN CLASS (again in my minor).

SO how important is a minor? Not very is what most will say. But in my case, I feel it is important. I already have enough hours to get almost TWO degrees so I would at least like the minor! The problem is all those "extra" hours are in varied fields. History was the only one I was close to the minor requirements that is why I went that way! Now I am not going to get the DAMN THING! ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Okay rant complete.

Seen on Campus

The best use ever for a head scarf:
as a "hands-free" cell phone holder. Just slide the top of the phone between ear and scarf, allowing the microphone of the phone to angle towards the cheek and mouth! Then viola! You have a hands free phone without the added cost of bluetooth!

Here we go again!

ss the First I realize that just the other day I said DH was back to his old tricks again and he was and had been for a while. However, he informed me two days ago (while solidly in the state of drunkenness) that that was it, no mas! That night was to be his last hoo-rah (again). So now two days later I have found that it wasn't the alcohol talking, DH did mean he who as quitting again.(So I guess that the "don't do anything" approach worked?)

I am VERY happy about this and think it will be great for him. BUT now we get to go through bitchy-boy again! Can you guess why I am hold up in my room typing this? :/ Yeap! Bitchy-boy is back with a vengeance. In fact I am contemplating a dinner alone with my new school books.

Just thought you might want to know. :)

Later days!

Am I insane? Yes, yes I am!

Who in their right mind gets up at 4:30 in the morning to workout? That's right NO ONE! However, in my insane mind it makes perfect sense (however, my body is disagreeing at the current moment). I have started back on my full triathlon-training schedule. Except now I have a tri club that I have joined and yes they work out at 5:30 am at my gym (hence the 4:30 reveille for me, gotta drive there).

The thing that is MASSIVELY surprising is the fact that honestly it isn't that bad. I am able to get things done before going to class and so when I get home I can actually have time to do "me" stuff and talk to DH instead of running around like a crazy person trying to straighten up the house or get to the grocery or whatever. Now I do these things in the wee hours of the morning, when no one (in my household) is awake...well except for maybe the cats but they don't tend to be too active after a night of clawing, prowling, and general destruction of the house.

The other benefit is that by the time I do go to bed at night (where I am about to head) I fall asleep...FAST. Something about being awake and burning a solid 600 to 700 calories first thing in the morning does something to you...like wear you the F@*# OUT! Head hits pillow I AM OUT! I have been told that my body will eventually get use to this idea of gettin up and at'em...it currently is putting up a fight and refusing that this will EVER occur but I plan to keep on it. IT WILL BEND TO MY WILL..........................................................................hopefully.

Ok so its been awhile...

Sorry about that! I really did intend to update a bit more over the break that is now almost over. I do have a good reason though...my break wasn't nearly as uneventful as planned. For those of you who have been reading for a while (or for some reason was bored enough to go read the archives) you know that DH is an alcoholic and for a while he was not drinking. Well that is not the case now. He is back full force, I think worse, but he says he isn't. Anyway, I have been trying to figure out what to do. And tonight I discovered an interesting website that suggested that I do nothing.

Let me qualify that a bit. More that I should wait for him to want to do something and love him, not judge him in the mean time. The love part is not hard at all, because I do love him with all my heart. And I don't judge him for drinking, I understand that this is a disease over which he has no control. He is sick. It is the waiting for him to want to do something about it that is VERY difficult for me. If you are sick you go to the doctor, right? He is a very smart man, why can't he just go to the doctor?

The other part of the eventful and heart-breaking break was that my grandmother was diagnosed with a third type of cancer. She has had breast cancer and uterine cancer, and on Christmas day she went to the hospital with a blockage that the doctors thought was caused by the radiation for the uterine cancer. But it wasn't. It was colo-rectal cancer. They did surgery and believe that they got it all, but we are still waiting on the test results.

So all of this brings me to religion. (Just keep reading it will make sense in a minute, promise.)

Religious people usually pray when something happens. They pray for healing, for understanding of why something is happening, for strength to get through, for strength to handle what happens next. Praying happens in many ways; an unspoken plea, a lighted candle, a spell, mediation. I, like the rest of my family, have been doing a lot of praying lately. For good doctors, for good outcomes, for strength for me, the doctors, my family. And in this I have come to a conclusion? Realization? Epiphany?

I think there is a reason to pain and suffering. We need it. There is a reason why my grandmother, who is a devout Christian and NEVER second guesses what God may have planned, has had now 3 types of cancer and why she continues to survive and have faith. There is a reason my grandfather (also devout Christian) doesn't let her see him cry at the pain she suffers. And there is a reason that I continue to love a very broken and sick man.

Pain makes us question our beliefs. Suffering or watching someone we love suffer has a way of either strengthening our faith or challenging it. I am not saying that suffering is fun, it MOST definitely is NOT! I am just saying it is necessary. For some it tears their belief system to shreds, for others it makes it stronger; either way there is a chance to reevaluate beliefs, verify them. In a way this is the answer to the prayer for strength. It is that whole "be careful what you wish for" thing at work, so always remember to word your request wisely.