Okay so part of coming back into focus is being a little fuzzy, going in and out a couple of times.
I have determined that DH is depressed. I should have seen it a long time ago, seeing how I have made it through it once before. And still seem to be fighting it at times. I am hoping that getting him to the doctor to talk about his ADD that the doc will see the depression too. Here's to checking your fingers crossed.
I am very tired and ready for the end of the school year. The kiddos are ready for it too. Is it sad that I am looking forward to JUST going to classes? Yep, that is right I am going back to school for my masters. At least I am moving towards my PhD. My current problem is funding. We have a significant amount of debt and ended up owing money to the government this year, yay. So we are trying to pay down the debt and get back to right side up. [Sigh]
Back to fuzzy for now...Em
Showing posts with label random thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random thoughts. Show all posts
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Saturday, May 02, 2009
I know...I have disappeared...but I am coming back into focus.
I am still alive, busy...very busy. There have been many changes, many things I needed to write, to get out. But I just haven't had time. I have had to process things in my own head, without getting them out. And I must say writing is easier.
I love my job, however that proves difficult for other things. When you love a job, you tend to spend a majority of time working. It is very satisfying to work with kids; seeing them understand, learn and grow. I love preparing lessons and following through on them. But other things tend to get pushed aside. No matter how much you try to not let them get pushed aside.
Things like a clean house, or properly exercised pups, or religious practice, or up-kept hobbies all get put aside. I still manage to read a fair amount in bits and pieces of stolen moments. I also make it a point to but audio books on iTunes. And a prayer is easy enough to speak at any moment and I do that often enough. The pups are happy enough to play in the backyard while I work in the garden. The chickens are still laying regularly and have taken to chasing the pups about the yard. Who knew that a chicken could hold a lab at bay?
My DH is...well, just is. He is here with me in body, but I am not sure if he is here in mind. He is fairly unhappy in his job. But he has started taking classes and that has seemed to help some of his restlessness. He is still drinking, even though he takes a medicine that makes him turn a horrible shade of red. The medicine is supposed to prevent him from drinking...but it doesn't.
He is having moments of complete irrationality and it is very difficult to live with them. I am unsure of what to do at those moments. The best thing to do is to leave him alone, but I am afraid to do so, in case of him hurting himself. The other thing is that the aftereffects of these moments are long lasting, up to a week or more. It is making life a bit difficult.
Try as I might, I just don't know how to help. Hell, there are times when I also have these spells of irrationality. I think this is why we get along as well as we do, we are too similar even to the point that our psychosis is alike.
There are many other things that have happened and changed, but would take forever to type out. And there are other things that I refuse to post (even though this is fairly anonymous) out of respect for the bonds that once were, even if severed now. I hope to write more often. Writing is a salve to my mind.
I love my job, however that proves difficult for other things. When you love a job, you tend to spend a majority of time working. It is very satisfying to work with kids; seeing them understand, learn and grow. I love preparing lessons and following through on them. But other things tend to get pushed aside. No matter how much you try to not let them get pushed aside.
Things like a clean house, or properly exercised pups, or religious practice, or up-kept hobbies all get put aside. I still manage to read a fair amount in bits and pieces of stolen moments. I also make it a point to but audio books on iTunes. And a prayer is easy enough to speak at any moment and I do that often enough. The pups are happy enough to play in the backyard while I work in the garden. The chickens are still laying regularly and have taken to chasing the pups about the yard. Who knew that a chicken could hold a lab at bay?
My DH is...well, just is. He is here with me in body, but I am not sure if he is here in mind. He is fairly unhappy in his job. But he has started taking classes and that has seemed to help some of his restlessness. He is still drinking, even though he takes a medicine that makes him turn a horrible shade of red. The medicine is supposed to prevent him from drinking...but it doesn't.
He is having moments of complete irrationality and it is very difficult to live with them. I am unsure of what to do at those moments. The best thing to do is to leave him alone, but I am afraid to do so, in case of him hurting himself. The other thing is that the aftereffects of these moments are long lasting, up to a week or more. It is making life a bit difficult.
Try as I might, I just don't know how to help. Hell, there are times when I also have these spells of irrationality. I think this is why we get along as well as we do, we are too similar even to the point that our psychosis is alike.
There are many other things that have happened and changed, but would take forever to type out. And there are other things that I refuse to post (even though this is fairly anonymous) out of respect for the bonds that once were, even if severed now. I hope to write more often. Writing is a salve to my mind.
Monday, March 24, 2008
I swear I am still alive...
Really! I promise. I have been busy...no busy is not the right word...swamped! This job is never ending. I am constantly on the search for new ways to accomplish things, ways to help my kids "get it" and now I have two weeks to be sure that they get it enough to pass the stinkin test....you know the BIG test, that every state has. The "Are You Smart Enough to Fill in the Bubbles?" test. I find it a bit crazy that I have to give the lessons in the five senses and then the kids are tested with bubbles, A-E answers. *Sigh*
Anyway, for the general update-
1. Still breathing...barely.
2. Planted the garden! And it is more than peppers and tomatoes this year!
3. The chickens are doing great and I still LOVE the eggs!
4. I love my MOMMY! She came to visit and helped to clean the house...something that had been on the back burner for WAY TOO LONG!
5. My DH is the bestest in the whole wide world. I love this man with every fiber of my being! If it weren't for him I think I may have forgotten how to breathe and I would have died in very dirty clothes! He has been keeping all the laundry done! How awesome!
6. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my job! And my kids! And I cannot believe I spent so many years running away from the one thing that I am born to do!
K, I think that is it for now...Back to grading!
Later days,
E
Anyway, for the general update-
1. Still breathing...barely.
2. Planted the garden! And it is more than peppers and tomatoes this year!
3. The chickens are doing great and I still LOVE the eggs!
4. I love my MOMMY! She came to visit and helped to clean the house...something that had been on the back burner for WAY TOO LONG!
5. My DH is the bestest in the whole wide world. I love this man with every fiber of my being! If it weren't for him I think I may have forgotten how to breathe and I would have died in very dirty clothes! He has been keeping all the laundry done! How awesome!
6. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my job! And my kids! And I cannot believe I spent so many years running away from the one thing that I am born to do!
K, I think that is it for now...Back to grading!
Later days,
E
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Thanks so much...
So the holidays are upon us and I know I haven't been posting much about religion of late, so I would like to take a moment to give thanks for everything I have as well as give you a bit of religion. :)
Let's do religion first. I am still pagan, even though I haven't been "doing" much lately. But I don't believe "doing" is overly necessary. Let me take a moment to define "doing." Doing is ritual, magic with all the props. For the past three or four months, I have not been doing. That does not mean that I haven't prayed, talked to God and Goddess, I have. I have woven my magic without the "stuff," I have spoken my needs and found them filled. I had gotten lost in the "doing," I needed the "being."
My group has fallen by the wayside, not for our lack of wanting the group, but more because of Life. You try it sometime try to get four or five adults, all with families, jobs and other obligations, in the same place at the same time. Maybe one day.
Now for the thanks...
I am grateful for:
my DH and all my babies.
my friends and all their support...You guys' ability to listen to me is amazing! :)
my family.
my health (I have come to understand that my ability to avoid illness may be fairly rare.)
finding my calling.
my students...well the ones that once were "my" students.
the teachers at "my"school and their willingness to help me find a full-time job.
Well time to get the turkey marinating!
Later days,
Em
Let's do religion first. I am still pagan, even though I haven't been "doing" much lately. But I don't believe "doing" is overly necessary. Let me take a moment to define "doing." Doing is ritual, magic with all the props. For the past three or four months, I have not been doing. That does not mean that I haven't prayed, talked to God and Goddess, I have. I have woven my magic without the "stuff," I have spoken my needs and found them filled. I had gotten lost in the "doing," I needed the "being."
My group has fallen by the wayside, not for our lack of wanting the group, but more because of Life. You try it sometime try to get four or five adults, all with families, jobs and other obligations, in the same place at the same time. Maybe one day.
Now for the thanks...
I am grateful for:
my DH and all my babies.
my friends and all their support...You guys' ability to listen to me is amazing! :)
my family.
my health (I have come to understand that my ability to avoid illness may be fairly rare.)
finding my calling.
my students...well the ones that once were "my" students.
the teachers at "my"school and their willingness to help me find a full-time job.
Well time to get the turkey marinating!
Later days,
Em
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Leopard is cooL...and other random thoughts
Mac OS X has a new update called Leopard...now at least I waited a couple of weeks since its release (so that makes me less of a geek, right???) but I got it today! And it is freakin awesome! All of the stuff that annoyed me on Tiger seems to be fixed and some of the extras are friggin cool! Like this thing called Spaces, it makes it like you have as many monitors as you want! You can have one space just for internet stuff, one for a project you are working on, etc., etc., etc. Anyway, I will stop geek-ing out now. :)
There are plenty of other things for me to share with you anyway. First, the guy I have been subbing for has finally gotten better. I am very glad that he is better, but that means I have to go back to "regular" subbing. :( Which really is okay, it's not like I am losing my job. In fact, I have probably gained a full time job in the process. {{fingers crossed}} The thing that has me down is that I have to leave the kids and as much as they can drive me up the wall...I am going to miss them BADLY! At least I can sub at the school and see them then...better than not at all. I may have to ask for visitation rights! LOL
Lets see what else has been going on...
The chickens are doing awesome. WE have had to rig a heat lamp and a white light for them to keep them warm and laying regularly. But we literally have too many eggs! We don't know what to do with them all....so send me your egg recipes! :D
DH is still doing great. He is on track to get back in school. And he is really ramping up the reading! (I am soo proud of him...it used to take him ages to finish a book and now he can finish one in a week.) Better attention span, I guess. He did find out what happens if he drinks while on the meds...and it was not fun. I wasn't there to witness since he was on a business trip, but he admitted he would never do that again.
I guess that is enough for now...I promise to write again soon. And I have some pagan-y stuff to talk about. :)
Later days,
Em
There are plenty of other things for me to share with you anyway. First, the guy I have been subbing for has finally gotten better. I am very glad that he is better, but that means I have to go back to "regular" subbing. :( Which really is okay, it's not like I am losing my job. In fact, I have probably gained a full time job in the process. {{fingers crossed}} The thing that has me down is that I have to leave the kids and as much as they can drive me up the wall...I am going to miss them BADLY! At least I can sub at the school and see them then...better than not at all. I may have to ask for visitation rights! LOL
Lets see what else has been going on...
The chickens are doing awesome. WE have had to rig a heat lamp and a white light for them to keep them warm and laying regularly. But we literally have too many eggs! We don't know what to do with them all....so send me your egg recipes! :D
DH is still doing great. He is on track to get back in school. And he is really ramping up the reading! (I am soo proud of him...it used to take him ages to finish a book and now he can finish one in a week.) Better attention span, I guess. He did find out what happens if he drinks while on the meds...and it was not fun. I wasn't there to witness since he was on a business trip, but he admitted he would never do that again.
I guess that is enough for now...I promise to write again soon. And I have some pagan-y stuff to talk about. :)
Later days,
Em
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Not so bad...
Well, DH has been doing good...and it really isn't so bad. However, that could be because I have been spending all my time either at school or grading papers or being otherwise engaged with school...this is slightly crazy that I am loving this so much! I spend my time being frustrated, tired and vaguely annoyed...but I love it.
I really do...because there are SO many little things that make it all worth it. Like today when a student said "I don't think I want you to leave." Or when I apparently made the day of a student simply by telling her she could remove her shoes in class (it had rained that day and her socks and shoes were soaked). Or when a student asked me if I had had a good day and then proceeded to tell off the most annoying kid in the class by saying "she is having a good day, don't go and screw it up!" (I had to laugh at that one!)
Who would have guessed that the one the one thing I had been attempting to run fast and furious away from all my life would be the one thing that would make me the happiest.
GO figure!
Later days,
Em
I really do...because there are SO many little things that make it all worth it. Like today when a student said "I don't think I want you to leave." Or when I apparently made the day of a student simply by telling her she could remove her shoes in class (it had rained that day and her socks and shoes were soaked). Or when a student asked me if I had had a good day and then proceeded to tell off the most annoying kid in the class by saying "she is having a good day, don't go and screw it up!" (I had to laugh at that one!)
Who would have guessed that the one the one thing I had been attempting to run fast and furious away from all my life would be the one thing that would make me the happiest.
GO figure!
Later days,
Em
Friday, October 05, 2007
Now I remember...
why I loved high school. Friday nights. Granted I lived in Louisiana for my high school time, but I was in the band and LOVED every minute of it, even if our team was not so good...
But now I am in the Friday Night state of Texas. And now that I am subbing long term and my kids (yes I am calling them mine for now) were begging me to come to the game, I went...more to watch the band than the game, but I know remember exactly how much I loved Friday nights. There is just something about the air in a football arena, and the turn to fall that you get to be a part of when you are sitting in that stadium. The crisp fall air can only feel exactly like that when you are surrounded by people that are excited and the lights are blinding and the team runs on to the field to the fight song. Sure it can feel nice at other times, but it is different.
Long live Friday Night High School Football!
Night,
Em
But now I am in the Friday Night state of Texas. And now that I am subbing long term and my kids (yes I am calling them mine for now) were begging me to come to the game, I went...more to watch the band than the game, but I know remember exactly how much I loved Friday nights. There is just something about the air in a football arena, and the turn to fall that you get to be a part of when you are sitting in that stadium. The crisp fall air can only feel exactly like that when you are surrounded by people that are excited and the lights are blinding and the team runs on to the field to the fight song. Sure it can feel nice at other times, but it is different.
Long live Friday Night High School Football!
Night,
Em
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Why am I typing at 6:40 am?
I don't know...but I haven't been writing here much lately and I haven't really been journaling much lately either...so I am guessing this feeling I am having is from not doing either. I recently realized that I am getting into long conversations when long conversations are needed. I guess my psyche is trying to compensate for not getting things out. So here we go.
I really, really, really love teaching. And I really, really, really want my own room. While I am perfectly happy helping out the teacher that I am subbing for, it is still their room with their stuff, their bulletin boards, their layouts. See the thing is even though I am a sub, I really want these kids to do well...and no I don't know why I care so much. And I even care that much about the ones that don't.
Second, DH is maybe actually quitting drinking. He even went so far as to talk to the doctor and get the medicine that makes you sick if you drink. Unfortunately, though it does not help with the withdrawal symptoms and I am not wanting to deal with him in withdrawal. I will. But it doesn't mean I have to like being treated like dirt and getting snapped at and the general disagreeableness of a man without a drink for a month until he gets out of it.
I also have learned not to get my hopes up. He always does good for 4 or 5 months then something happens. Sometimes it is something big and obvious, sometimes it is something most of us would barely even notice, but either way it is read by DH as catastrophic, must have drink. And off we go again. So I ain't holding my breath, but we will see and hope...a little, that it sticks this time.
Anyway, sorry for the generally depressing post. But I am a generally depressed mood...I promise to come and tell you about the chickens and other fun, happy stuff when the rain lets up.
Later,
Em
I really, really, really love teaching. And I really, really, really want my own room. While I am perfectly happy helping out the teacher that I am subbing for, it is still their room with their stuff, their bulletin boards, their layouts. See the thing is even though I am a sub, I really want these kids to do well...and no I don't know why I care so much. And I even care that much about the ones that don't.
Second, DH is maybe actually quitting drinking. He even went so far as to talk to the doctor and get the medicine that makes you sick if you drink. Unfortunately, though it does not help with the withdrawal symptoms and I am not wanting to deal with him in withdrawal. I will. But it doesn't mean I have to like being treated like dirt and getting snapped at and the general disagreeableness of a man without a drink for a month until he gets out of it.
I also have learned not to get my hopes up. He always does good for 4 or 5 months then something happens. Sometimes it is something big and obvious, sometimes it is something most of us would barely even notice, but either way it is read by DH as catastrophic, must have drink. And off we go again. So I ain't holding my breath, but we will see and hope...a little, that it sticks this time.
Anyway, sorry for the generally depressing post. But I am a generally depressed mood...I promise to come and tell you about the chickens and other fun, happy stuff when the rain lets up.
Later,
Em
Monday, October 01, 2007
Okay...so...
That weekend of writing never came around...it was horribly blockaded by a mad dash to remember all things Biology so that I could teach kids biology without screwing them up completely.
I have gotten a semi-permanent subbing position so it involves actual teaching, which is awesome but highly time consuming. But at least I am getting great experience and great references. So anyway that is why I haven't been writing...
Now back to my regularly scheduled cram session!
Later,
Em
I have gotten a semi-permanent subbing position so it involves actual teaching, which is awesome but highly time consuming. But at least I am getting great experience and great references. So anyway that is why I haven't been writing...
Now back to my regularly scheduled cram session!
Later,
Em
Friday, September 21, 2007
Quick Note
Okay, I know it has been awhile since I posted...and I really do have a lot to write about, but it is one of those things that I have soooo much to say that I am not saying anything. So I plan on sitting down and posting everything very soon. Maybe even this weekend...so here is what to come...
1) The trip to New York (AWESOME!)
2) Teaching Update (And the job search continues)
3) Chickens and Eggs...Lots and lots of eggs
4) The Joys of Chicken discovering how to jump a 6 foot fence
5) Languages are fun! (Teaching myself Latin and refreshing once known Spanish)
6) The Ongoing Saga of DH and his Drinking...this time he has got to stop
And I am sure there is even more that my allergy addled brain can't think of right now...so I will hopefully go get some sleep and then get some of this down soon...
Later,
Em
1) The trip to New York (AWESOME!)
2) Teaching Update (And the job search continues)
3) Chickens and Eggs...Lots and lots of eggs
4) The Joys of Chicken discovering how to jump a 6 foot fence
5) Languages are fun! (Teaching myself Latin and refreshing once known Spanish)
6) The Ongoing Saga of DH and his Drinking...this time he has got to stop
And I am sure there is even more that my allergy addled brain can't think of right now...so I will hopefully go get some sleep and then get some of this down soon...
Later,
Em
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Why the H#!! can't we talk to people anymore!!!
Why is EVERYTHING online/recorded phone system/other automated devices? Why can't we talk to another person?
I know there is a slight irony in me ranting about this on a blog. However, there is no pressing need that someone discuss this with me, there is no immediate need that a person be on the other end. However, when there is a job involved or immediate need to find out something about say your bank account, there REALLY should be a person on the other end of the phone!
Okay that is my rant...I am stepping off the soapbox now.
I know there is a slight irony in me ranting about this on a blog. However, there is no pressing need that someone discuss this with me, there is no immediate need that a person be on the other end. However, when there is a job involved or immediate need to find out something about say your bank account, there REALLY should be a person on the other end of the phone!
Okay that is my rant...I am stepping off the soapbox now.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Hitting "enlarge" again...
A few weeks ago, while studying for my teacher's certification exam (which I took this past Saturday and won't have any clue of how I did for THREE weeks!) I found myself hitting the enlarge the font shortcut on my keyboard...like three or four times! So I decided it was time to stop playing around and get my butt to the optometrist. I have had ( and tried to get away without wearing) glasses since I was about 14. And it had been about three years since I last went to the doc and about two years since I had worn the glasses I had gotten then. (Not good I know)
So off I went...I thought "Oh it won't be too bad. Probably just need something to help when I am reading, that is all!" YEAH RIGHT! Turns out I am blind...not as blind as a bat...but blinder than I thought I was. The thing is that my left eye doesn't see very well so my right eye takes over (thus why I think I can see okay)...then the right eye tires out and...viola! I am hitting the "enlarge" button again.
So the doc provides me with a prescription that is actually less than the one I need...cause, in his words, "[I] would hate [him] if [he] gave [me] what [I] really needed." Basically, I would never return to his bright shiny office of things that tell me my eyes suck!
So I traipse off the the Eyemaster's next door and purchase my shiny new specs. And then proceed to gradually incorporate them into daily constant wear. Surprisingly, I can see sharp edges again!
But over the past few nights I have found myself hitting the "enlarge" button. (He told me this might happen.) It looks like I will be going by way of my mother...and have a separate pair of... {cringe} Reading Glasses. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Oh well, I guess this is what I get after years of reading into the wee hours of the morning. And if I wish to continue my beloved past time, it appears that I am going to have to get over the fact that I am turning very solidly into my mother...at least the doc isn't suggesting bifocals...yet.
So off I went...I thought "Oh it won't be too bad. Probably just need something to help when I am reading, that is all!" YEAH RIGHT! Turns out I am blind...not as blind as a bat...but blinder than I thought I was. The thing is that my left eye doesn't see very well so my right eye takes over (thus why I think I can see okay)...then the right eye tires out and...viola! I am hitting the "enlarge" button again.
So the doc provides me with a prescription that is actually less than the one I need...cause, in his words, "[I] would hate [him] if [he] gave [me] what [I] really needed." Basically, I would never return to his bright shiny office of things that tell me my eyes suck!
So I traipse off the the Eyemaster's next door and purchase my shiny new specs. And then proceed to gradually incorporate them into daily constant wear. Surprisingly, I can see sharp edges again!
But over the past few nights I have found myself hitting the "enlarge" button. (He told me this might happen.) It looks like I will be going by way of my mother...and have a separate pair of... {cringe} Reading Glasses. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Oh well, I guess this is what I get after years of reading into the wee hours of the morning. And if I wish to continue my beloved past time, it appears that I am going to have to get over the fact that I am turning very solidly into my mother...at least the doc isn't suggesting bifocals...yet.
Friday, August 03, 2007
Just when...
Just when I am getting happy with where I am and what I am doing, DH goes and throws a curve ball.
For the past few months, we have been discussing what we will be doing for the next few years. You know general couple discussions. Well, we had come to the conclusion that I should go through getting my teacher's certification and teach in grade school for a few years before I go back to get my PhD. I want to get my PhD in Philosophy and ultimately teach at a college. This was to accomplish the goal of getting rid of the debt I had built in school the first time around and get rid of the little of "regular" debt we have as well before I throw myself into yet another four years of school. So that is what I have wrapped my head around...I have gotten excited about having a classroom full of pre-teens hopefully ready to learn.
Then, DH's curve ball...He has been traveling for work for the past three weeks (to the corporate office) and has been getting the usual joking, picking and ragging about not living there. So he calls me the other night and starts in on the university that is near the office. Does it have the program I want? Would I want to go there? Would I be willing to go with him next week and meet with people there? And he actually says, when I mention the debt and the fact that we had decided I should work for a while to help get rid of it, "I don't care, I just want you to either work or be in school, either way." WHAT!!! The money man, that one that has been bitchin' about debt and money, is saying that I can go to school instead of making more money????
All of that is great, don't get me wrong. I REALLY want to go back school, that is why I want to be a teacher, well really a college professor, because that is the only way that I get to be a student forever. And I want nothing more than to get on with the school...but I had stopped looking at schools, stopped looking at class listings, stopped looking at the things I want to learn...and I started learning what is needed for classroom teaching and put my desires away for a while.
Basically, I did this to keep myself sane. If I had continued looking at class listings, it would have made me crazy. Proof of what I could be doing, or things that I should be learning, just general excitement to me :) that would push me over the edge, while I was biding my time to get to go back to the good ol' college campus. But now, DH calls me and begs me to go to the college site and see if what they have is what I want...Sigh...I am back to yearning to be in a classroom...a college classroom...and to be learning.
And all of this is happening three days before I have to take a test for my certification...:( I am sure that DH will get back here and realize that it isn't feasible to move right now in this market and with the debt that we have, and I will be back to practical. Which is fine, and it is still on the path to where I want to go, it will just take a little longer to get there. But now I have to come back down from the contact high that I get from a college course catalog.
For the past few months, we have been discussing what we will be doing for the next few years. You know general couple discussions. Well, we had come to the conclusion that I should go through getting my teacher's certification and teach in grade school for a few years before I go back to get my PhD. I want to get my PhD in Philosophy and ultimately teach at a college. This was to accomplish the goal of getting rid of the debt I had built in school the first time around and get rid of the little of "regular" debt we have as well before I throw myself into yet another four years of school. So that is what I have wrapped my head around...I have gotten excited about having a classroom full of pre-teens hopefully ready to learn.
Then, DH's curve ball...He has been traveling for work for the past three weeks (to the corporate office) and has been getting the usual joking, picking and ragging about not living there. So he calls me the other night and starts in on the university that is near the office. Does it have the program I want? Would I want to go there? Would I be willing to go with him next week and meet with people there? And he actually says, when I mention the debt and the fact that we had decided I should work for a while to help get rid of it, "I don't care, I just want you to either work or be in school, either way." WHAT!!! The money man, that one that has been bitchin' about debt and money, is saying that I can go to school instead of making more money????
All of that is great, don't get me wrong. I REALLY want to go back school, that is why I want to be a teacher, well really a college professor, because that is the only way that I get to be a student forever. And I want nothing more than to get on with the school...but I had stopped looking at schools, stopped looking at class listings, stopped looking at the things I want to learn...and I started learning what is needed for classroom teaching and put my desires away for a while.
Basically, I did this to keep myself sane. If I had continued looking at class listings, it would have made me crazy. Proof of what I could be doing, or things that I should be learning, just general excitement to me :) that would push me over the edge, while I was biding my time to get to go back to the good ol' college campus. But now, DH calls me and begs me to go to the college site and see if what they have is what I want...Sigh...I am back to yearning to be in a classroom...a college classroom...and to be learning.
And all of this is happening three days before I have to take a test for my certification...:( I am sure that DH will get back here and realize that it isn't feasible to move right now in this market and with the debt that we have, and I will be back to practical. Which is fine, and it is still on the path to where I want to go, it will just take a little longer to get there. But now I have to come back down from the contact high that I get from a college course catalog.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Remodeling is fun! And VERY hard!
So I have spent the past four days with my mom remodeling my kitchen...well taking off the multiple layers of wallpaper and painting. Sounds simple, right? Well you would be wrong...what we thought would be a simple 2 day job turned into a four day expedition, or a 4-trip to Home Depot job. Whichever you choose to call it.
We started off thinking we would just take down the wallpaper (that we thought was only two layers thick) and then paint and be through...nope. There were six layers of wallpaper and some of them were painted (which proved harder to remove in some places). Then there was a hideous mirror, a la 1970's trailer style, that had to come down, but it managed to pull the sheetrock's paper almost completely off, leaving nice bubble spots that had to be spackled. And I am not saying a typical spackle spot...I mean an entire 4x8 foot area of the wall! But it is all finally done and I spent today cleaning and reorganizing the kitchen and it finally looks like MY kitchen! We have lived here for 6 years and finally the kitchen (were I spend most of my time) looks like me!
It now has yellow walls (and I mean yellow, like a lemon) and this really cool back splash. It looks like the old time-y pressed tin panels but it is plastic, so very easy to clean! Mom spotted it on one of the many trips to Home Depot and it is PERFECT! I love it. I am very lucky Mom came along to help with all of this because I would have never gotten it done...and we would be living on take out forever! :)
We started off thinking we would just take down the wallpaper (that we thought was only two layers thick) and then paint and be through...nope. There were six layers of wallpaper and some of them were painted (which proved harder to remove in some places). Then there was a hideous mirror, a la 1970's trailer style, that had to come down, but it managed to pull the sheetrock's paper almost completely off, leaving nice bubble spots that had to be spackled. And I am not saying a typical spackle spot...I mean an entire 4x8 foot area of the wall! But it is all finally done and I spent today cleaning and reorganizing the kitchen and it finally looks like MY kitchen! We have lived here for 6 years and finally the kitchen (were I spend most of my time) looks like me!
It now has yellow walls (and I mean yellow, like a lemon) and this really cool back splash. It looks like the old time-y pressed tin panels but it is plastic, so very easy to clean! Mom spotted it on one of the many trips to Home Depot and it is PERFECT! I love it. I am very lucky Mom came along to help with all of this because I would have never gotten it done...and we would be living on take out forever! :)
Friday, July 13, 2007
Summer Cleaning
Well I have gotten the cleaning bug. It all started when our neighbor offered us his piano (he is moving and can't take it with him). So that meant I had to find a place to put it, which meant shifting everything around...and since I was doing that might as well clean the floors and floorboards while the space is empty. SO for the entire week I have been moving, shifting, rearranging and cleaning.
Luckily I am even in the mood to clean the rest of the house where things are not getting shifted around. I guess having two rooms sparkling makes me want it all to sparkle. I have also managed to get the lingering scent of Chloe (my Satan cat that I finally had to give away...she didn't do well with other animals) out of the house. Unfortunately that meant throwing away a really nice rug...but it could not be cleaned anymore. The cleaning guy told me that if he cleaned it again it would literally fall apart. OH well...I got a Wally World special to replace it...that way if one of the current kitties gets mad, I don't have to throw away $500 worth of rug again.
My room is now officially my office. I have moved my clutter catcher (my desk) from the front to where I will use it. The front is where the piano will soon be sitting. :) I did put away my altar stuff, and the altar is now just a coffee table in the corner of the room sporting my stereo and scrap booking stuff. My altar items are in storage boxes underneath it and can be easily accessed. It was quite funny talking to my mom about moving everything around. You could hear the hope in her voice that I may have moved out of a "phase." Of course I am just letting her be hopeful, I figure we didn't really talk about it before so why now.
Speaking of Mom, she has offered to come visit and help me un-wallpaper the kitchen! YAY!!!! I am very excited. We have lived in this house for six years and the wallpaper has bugged me everyday of it. But it is too big of a project for just me. I have painted every other room in the house, except for the kitchen and the two bathrooms (they are wallpapered too). So once I get the kitchen done,I am two small rooms away from this being MY house completely. Meaning my decorations, style, and personality. Not just make do until I get time to do it.
Well that is all the time I have for now. I have to go pick up the furniture dollies to move the piano. And get some more cleaning supplies...it is amazing how many dust cloths and mop heads, and how much cleaning solution one can go through when cleaning a 1400 square foot house! Well I guess the fur may complicate my house a little! :)
Later,
Em
Luckily I am even in the mood to clean the rest of the house where things are not getting shifted around. I guess having two rooms sparkling makes me want it all to sparkle. I have also managed to get the lingering scent of Chloe (my Satan cat that I finally had to give away...she didn't do well with other animals) out of the house. Unfortunately that meant throwing away a really nice rug...but it could not be cleaned anymore. The cleaning guy told me that if he cleaned it again it would literally fall apart. OH well...I got a Wally World special to replace it...that way if one of the current kitties gets mad, I don't have to throw away $500 worth of rug again.
My room is now officially my office. I have moved my clutter catcher (my desk) from the front to where I will use it. The front is where the piano will soon be sitting. :) I did put away my altar stuff, and the altar is now just a coffee table in the corner of the room sporting my stereo and scrap booking stuff. My altar items are in storage boxes underneath it and can be easily accessed. It was quite funny talking to my mom about moving everything around. You could hear the hope in her voice that I may have moved out of a "phase." Of course I am just letting her be hopeful, I figure we didn't really talk about it before so why now.
Speaking of Mom, she has offered to come visit and help me un-wallpaper the kitchen! YAY!!!! I am very excited. We have lived in this house for six years and the wallpaper has bugged me everyday of it. But it is too big of a project for just me. I have painted every other room in the house, except for the kitchen and the two bathrooms (they are wallpapered too). So once I get the kitchen done,I am two small rooms away from this being MY house completely. Meaning my decorations, style, and personality. Not just make do until I get time to do it.
Well that is all the time I have for now. I have to go pick up the furniture dollies to move the piano. And get some more cleaning supplies...it is amazing how many dust cloths and mop heads, and how much cleaning solution one can go through when cleaning a 1400 square foot house! Well I guess the fur may complicate my house a little! :)
Later,
Em
Friday, June 22, 2007
Back to two hands
Well I have had a week of rest on the wrist and shoulder and they are doing much better. I am still not using my arm for picking up heavy items...but I should be able to next week. My chiropractor said that I overstretched the nerve in my shoulder and then managed to re-injure it a couple of times and that is why the pain moved down to my wrist. Oh well. At least it seems to be better now.
As to everything else, I have started a small library that will go into my classroom once I am hired and given one. :) I am not sure I have mentioned this...I am applying to be a middle school teacher. I have started an online alternative certification program and I am hoping to have a teaching position this coming school year. So yes I have come full circle and I now fully embrace my teaching side. Like I have said before it easier to embrace it rather than it continually kicking me in the @ss.
So off I go into the unseen future....
Later,
Em
As to everything else, I have started a small library that will go into my classroom once I am hired and given one. :) I am not sure I have mentioned this...I am applying to be a middle school teacher. I have started an online alternative certification program and I am hoping to have a teaching position this coming school year. So yes I have come full circle and I now fully embrace my teaching side. Like I have said before it easier to embrace it rather than it continually kicking me in the @ss.
So off I go into the unseen future....
Later,
Em
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Typing with one hand...almost
So I have managed to do something to my wrist...my right wrist! :( So I am trying my best to keep my hand immobilized to let it get better, it is basically doing the shift key for caps and question marks. The thing that sucks is I have no idea what I did to the thing...I didn't do anything remarkable or memorable. <> Oh well...hopefully a couple days in a wrist wrap will fix it. Well that and a visit to my chiropractor! :)
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Well...
I am soooo sorry that I have gone into complete hiding as of late. After graduation, I have been lost in what to do, and have ended up not doing much at all. I have succeeded in getting accepted into a alternative teaching certification program and I have decided to teach 6-8 grade, reading/English, history or social studies (depending on what I get hired to do). And that is pretty much it.
I have been hanging out, getting a butt load of reading done. I have found The Teaching Company and its extensive array of DVD lectures that have provided learning and entertainment. And YES I did say learning...I miss school. A LOT. More than I thought was possible. The books I have been reading have been philosophy stuff (as well as some "fun" stuff too). But I think the philosophy is fun and interesting. And it has given me a lot of reflecting to do, and a lot of questioning too. And that is probably why I haven't been here much.
It is hard to think this stuff out, much less write it out. I have tried talking it out, thinking it out, dreaming it out, and writing it out...and none has made anything any clearer. But I think that is the way it is supposed to go. Read something, think about it, see where it fits within your beliefs or if it even does fit, and if it doesn't is it something you want to add to your beliefs. Will this change your beliefs? Will your beliefs hold up to what you add? If they don't are they really worth it?
So there you go. That is a peak into what is going on in my brain, and it is just a peak...a full view would lead even the sane-ist of people to the way of madness. And I don't want to be held responsible to adding to the crazies of the world.
I promise to try and be better about keeping you filled in.
Later days,
E
I have been hanging out, getting a butt load of reading done. I have found The Teaching Company and its extensive array of DVD lectures that have provided learning and entertainment. And YES I did say learning...I miss school. A LOT. More than I thought was possible. The books I have been reading have been philosophy stuff (as well as some "fun" stuff too). But I think the philosophy is fun and interesting. And it has given me a lot of reflecting to do, and a lot of questioning too. And that is probably why I haven't been here much.
It is hard to think this stuff out, much less write it out. I have tried talking it out, thinking it out, dreaming it out, and writing it out...and none has made anything any clearer. But I think that is the way it is supposed to go. Read something, think about it, see where it fits within your beliefs or if it even does fit, and if it doesn't is it something you want to add to your beliefs. Will this change your beliefs? Will your beliefs hold up to what you add? If they don't are they really worth it?
So there you go. That is a peak into what is going on in my brain, and it is just a peak...a full view would lead even the sane-ist of people to the way of madness. And I don't want to be held responsible to adding to the crazies of the world.
I promise to try and be better about keeping you filled in.
Later days,
E
Friday, April 27, 2007
Almost there...
Well guys, I know I have been terribly quiet lately. But I swear it is for a good cause! And I am ALMOST DONE!!! One more paper (which is 2/3's done) and then I am finished! YAY!!!!
I just thought I would stop in and give a bit of an update and some random stuff that has piled up while I have been kicking @ss.
First the family has grown...by three. Three chicks...literally chicks as in baby chickens. In our attempt to be more organic and my attempt at being a gardener, we have decided that chickens would be a great benefit. They (all are female) will lay eggs for us, eat the pesties that my organic attempts at pesticide don't get and they will provide ample fodder for my compost pile. And they up the cute factor in the family too. (If someone could tell me how to post a damn picture on here I would share the cuteness.) They are all little Southern ladies, with the names to match. There is an Orphington Buff named Henrietta (couldn't pass that up!), a Production Red named Scarlett (get it? she is red) and a Barred Rock named Georgette (that means "earth worker" fits for a chicken that is responsible for taring up the yard!). It will be about 6 months before we get our first eggs, but after they start laying we should get about a dozen and a half a week. Any one got any good egg recipes? :)
Okay lets see, what else? Oh I have found a great singer!!! Regina Spektor. She rocks and she has a cool history too. Her music is very funky alternative, with great lyrics and piano, and cool vocals. And she happens to be perfect to study too! LOL Of course now I figure that out.
On to gardening, my bumper crops are still bumping. My sweet basil has managed to recover from whatever it was that was ailing it (I think it was the cold snap...remember when it SNOWED on Easter) and my nasturtiums have started to bloom. Peaches are big enough that I can see them on the tree from across the yard...I can't wait to taste them! YUMMY! I have planted my first two garden boxes, with blackberries and purple potatoes (for those of you that are rolling your eyes right now, yes I have to have everything in purple...and they were the best looking of the seed potatoes available). I am planning on a total of 8 boxes but I have to finish building them...that will be for next week...actually starting Monday at noon!
As far as my group is...well it hasn't been much lately. We have all been involved in life (I am assuming that for the ones I haven't heard from, hope all is well) and obviously I have put most, scratch that, all of my stuff on the back burner until I am done with school. So we haven't gotten together of late.
Well that is all my hands can handle for the typing...gotta save some for later too! :)
Later days!
Em
I just thought I would stop in and give a bit of an update and some random stuff that has piled up while I have been kicking @ss.
First the family has grown...by three. Three chicks...literally chicks as in baby chickens. In our attempt to be more organic and my attempt at being a gardener, we have decided that chickens would be a great benefit. They (all are female) will lay eggs for us, eat the pesties that my organic attempts at pesticide don't get and they will provide ample fodder for my compost pile. And they up the cute factor in the family too. (If someone could tell me how to post a damn picture on here I would share the cuteness.) They are all little Southern ladies, with the names to match. There is an Orphington Buff named Henrietta (couldn't pass that up!), a Production Red named Scarlett (get it? she is red) and a Barred Rock named Georgette (that means "earth worker" fits for a chicken that is responsible for taring up the yard!). It will be about 6 months before we get our first eggs, but after they start laying we should get about a dozen and a half a week. Any one got any good egg recipes? :)
Okay lets see, what else? Oh I have found a great singer!!! Regina Spektor. She rocks and she has a cool history too. Her music is very funky alternative, with great lyrics and piano, and cool vocals. And she happens to be perfect to study too! LOL Of course now I figure that out.
On to gardening, my bumper crops are still bumping. My sweet basil has managed to recover from whatever it was that was ailing it (I think it was the cold snap...remember when it SNOWED on Easter) and my nasturtiums have started to bloom. Peaches are big enough that I can see them on the tree from across the yard...I can't wait to taste them! YUMMY! I have planted my first two garden boxes, with blackberries and purple potatoes (for those of you that are rolling your eyes right now, yes I have to have everything in purple...and they were the best looking of the seed potatoes available). I am planning on a total of 8 boxes but I have to finish building them...that will be for next week...actually starting Monday at noon!
As far as my group is...well it hasn't been much lately. We have all been involved in life (I am assuming that for the ones I haven't heard from, hope all is well) and obviously I have put most, scratch that, all of my stuff on the back burner until I am done with school. So we haven't gotten together of late.
Well that is all my hands can handle for the typing...gotta save some for later too! :)
Later days!
Em
Friday, March 09, 2007
So I know I have been quiet lately...
but WOW have I been busy! I am trying to figure out what to do with my life. What direction is best right now for what I want to do down the line, and that ain't no easy figurin'. On top of that is school (last semester), the papers that go along with that, family, the group (YES we will meet soon, even if I must drag you all kicking and screaming), pups and kitties (which I am up to 5 cats now and it will be staying that way, DH has been informed), and all other bits and pieces that can slowly drive one insane.
Now first to what direction I am heading...well the PhD is still the chosen path, however I feel it may be necessary to take a round-about method of getting there. I am afraid that the deadlines have past at the schools I would have preferred and they are all not anywhere near me and we are in no way or shape able to move right now. SOOOOO...the original plan was to go to my current campus for the PhD...but the more I think about that the worse it sounds. There is the problem of academic incest (yes that is a term used by people, and refers to getting all your letters aka degrees from the same school, I didn't know what it was either), which seems to be a bigger issue than first imagined. Then there is the issue that my school doesn't offer exactly what I want...so no sense in fighting though to get something I don't want, right?
So now for the round-about part...I am thinking of getting my teacher's cert and teaching high school...yes I am insane...and no so far no one has laughed at this idea...at least to my face. Okay so take a second to catch your breathe...
My logic is this. This gives me a way to make money, gain teaching experience, and allows for DH to be able to go back to get his masters...at which point he gets a job in the field he WANTS to be in and then I can pick my school and back for the PhD...of course this also gives us time to get to a position of being able to be mobile across the nation, which in turn gives me the school I want and program I need. It does sound like a win-win-win...right? And I did say I was going to stop running from being a teacher.
Okay, so with that out...here is some more randomness...
Yes, I now have 5 cats. Tigg and Raff, whom I have spoke of before, And the new 3. Baby, Punkin, and Candy. I believe I may have previously referenced them with a promise to fill you in so here I go.
Baby (mom of the other two) adopted me. She carefully pushed her way into my heart and brought a few litters of kittens along with her. I raised them (the litters) and then did the only thing I could do, took them to the ASPCA. Then this past Labor Day (this is ironic, you will see in a minute) Baby came to me covered in motor oil! So I took her inside and gave her 4 baths (and yes she let me) and decided that since I had her in and I had the money, I was going to take her to the vet on Tuesday (it being labor Day and all the vet wasn't in on Monday). Sooooo....I call on Tuesday morning make the appointment, go check on Baby and here is the ironic part, she was in labor! Two kittens, a cancelled appointment and a few months later...I have 5 cats, inside co-existing happily. And as I said DH has been informed that this house will remain so. :) Everyone is spayed or neutered, so no more kitties for us (thank the Goddess). But I am happy with my home now. It is perfectly full again. (And easier to take care of than the last time I had this many...cause now it is only the cats' litter boxes to clean, rather than cat, ferret and bird...that was work!)
Okay so I am thinking that I have rambled on and bored you all quite enough.
Later days-
Em
Now first to what direction I am heading...well the PhD is still the chosen path, however I feel it may be necessary to take a round-about method of getting there. I am afraid that the deadlines have past at the schools I would have preferred and they are all not anywhere near me and we are in no way or shape able to move right now. SOOOOO...the original plan was to go to my current campus for the PhD...but the more I think about that the worse it sounds. There is the problem of academic incest (yes that is a term used by people, and refers to getting all your letters aka degrees from the same school, I didn't know what it was either), which seems to be a bigger issue than first imagined. Then there is the issue that my school doesn't offer exactly what I want...so no sense in fighting though to get something I don't want, right?
So now for the round-about part...I am thinking of getting my teacher's cert and teaching high school...yes I am insane...and no so far no one has laughed at this idea...at least to my face. Okay so take a second to catch your breathe...
My logic is this. This gives me a way to make money, gain teaching experience, and allows for DH to be able to go back to get his masters...at which point he gets a job in the field he WANTS to be in and then I can pick my school and back for the PhD...of course this also gives us time to get to a position of being able to be mobile across the nation, which in turn gives me the school I want and program I need. It does sound like a win-win-win...right? And I did say I was going to stop running from being a teacher.
Okay, so with that out...here is some more randomness...
Yes, I now have 5 cats. Tigg and Raff, whom I have spoke of before, And the new 3. Baby, Punkin, and Candy. I believe I may have previously referenced them with a promise to fill you in so here I go.
Baby (mom of the other two) adopted me. She carefully pushed her way into my heart and brought a few litters of kittens along with her. I raised them (the litters) and then did the only thing I could do, took them to the ASPCA. Then this past Labor Day (this is ironic, you will see in a minute) Baby came to me covered in motor oil! So I took her inside and gave her 4 baths (and yes she let me) and decided that since I had her in and I had the money, I was going to take her to the vet on Tuesday (it being labor Day and all the vet wasn't in on Monday). Sooooo....I call on Tuesday morning make the appointment, go check on Baby and here is the ironic part, she was in labor! Two kittens, a cancelled appointment and a few months later...I have 5 cats, inside co-existing happily. And as I said DH has been informed that this house will remain so. :) Everyone is spayed or neutered, so no more kitties for us (thank the Goddess). But I am happy with my home now. It is perfectly full again. (And easier to take care of than the last time I had this many...cause now it is only the cats' litter boxes to clean, rather than cat, ferret and bird...that was work!)
Okay so I am thinking that I have rambled on and bored you all quite enough.
Later days-
Em
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