Okay so part of coming back into focus is being a little fuzzy, going in and out a couple of times.
I have determined that DH is depressed. I should have seen it a long time ago, seeing how I have made it through it once before. And still seem to be fighting it at times. I am hoping that getting him to the doctor to talk about his ADD that the doc will see the depression too. Here's to checking your fingers crossed.
I am very tired and ready for the end of the school year. The kiddos are ready for it too. Is it sad that I am looking forward to JUST going to classes? Yep, that is right I am going back to school for my masters. At least I am moving towards my PhD. My current problem is funding. We have a significant amount of debt and ended up owing money to the government this year, yay. So we are trying to pay down the debt and get back to right side up. [Sigh]
Back to fuzzy for now...Em
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Saturday, May 02, 2009
I know...I have disappeared...but I am coming back into focus.
I am still alive, busy...very busy. There have been many changes, many things I needed to write, to get out. But I just haven't had time. I have had to process things in my own head, without getting them out. And I must say writing is easier.
I love my job, however that proves difficult for other things. When you love a job, you tend to spend a majority of time working. It is very satisfying to work with kids; seeing them understand, learn and grow. I love preparing lessons and following through on them. But other things tend to get pushed aside. No matter how much you try to not let them get pushed aside.
Things like a clean house, or properly exercised pups, or religious practice, or up-kept hobbies all get put aside. I still manage to read a fair amount in bits and pieces of stolen moments. I also make it a point to but audio books on iTunes. And a prayer is easy enough to speak at any moment and I do that often enough. The pups are happy enough to play in the backyard while I work in the garden. The chickens are still laying regularly and have taken to chasing the pups about the yard. Who knew that a chicken could hold a lab at bay?
My DH is...well, just is. He is here with me in body, but I am not sure if he is here in mind. He is fairly unhappy in his job. But he has started taking classes and that has seemed to help some of his restlessness. He is still drinking, even though he takes a medicine that makes him turn a horrible shade of red. The medicine is supposed to prevent him from drinking...but it doesn't.
He is having moments of complete irrationality and it is very difficult to live with them. I am unsure of what to do at those moments. The best thing to do is to leave him alone, but I am afraid to do so, in case of him hurting himself. The other thing is that the aftereffects of these moments are long lasting, up to a week or more. It is making life a bit difficult.
Try as I might, I just don't know how to help. Hell, there are times when I also have these spells of irrationality. I think this is why we get along as well as we do, we are too similar even to the point that our psychosis is alike.
There are many other things that have happened and changed, but would take forever to type out. And there are other things that I refuse to post (even though this is fairly anonymous) out of respect for the bonds that once were, even if severed now. I hope to write more often. Writing is a salve to my mind.
I love my job, however that proves difficult for other things. When you love a job, you tend to spend a majority of time working. It is very satisfying to work with kids; seeing them understand, learn and grow. I love preparing lessons and following through on them. But other things tend to get pushed aside. No matter how much you try to not let them get pushed aside.
Things like a clean house, or properly exercised pups, or religious practice, or up-kept hobbies all get put aside. I still manage to read a fair amount in bits and pieces of stolen moments. I also make it a point to but audio books on iTunes. And a prayer is easy enough to speak at any moment and I do that often enough. The pups are happy enough to play in the backyard while I work in the garden. The chickens are still laying regularly and have taken to chasing the pups about the yard. Who knew that a chicken could hold a lab at bay?
My DH is...well, just is. He is here with me in body, but I am not sure if he is here in mind. He is fairly unhappy in his job. But he has started taking classes and that has seemed to help some of his restlessness. He is still drinking, even though he takes a medicine that makes him turn a horrible shade of red. The medicine is supposed to prevent him from drinking...but it doesn't.
He is having moments of complete irrationality and it is very difficult to live with them. I am unsure of what to do at those moments. The best thing to do is to leave him alone, but I am afraid to do so, in case of him hurting himself. The other thing is that the aftereffects of these moments are long lasting, up to a week or more. It is making life a bit difficult.
Try as I might, I just don't know how to help. Hell, there are times when I also have these spells of irrationality. I think this is why we get along as well as we do, we are too similar even to the point that our psychosis is alike.
There are many other things that have happened and changed, but would take forever to type out. And there are other things that I refuse to post (even though this is fairly anonymous) out of respect for the bonds that once were, even if severed now. I hope to write more often. Writing is a salve to my mind.
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