Getting used to alone

So it is the Fourth of July...at 8:55pm and I am at home with the babies...alone. Thats right, no bbq, no fireworks, no nothing. DH is out doing a fire watch for a fireworks show with his radio guys (oh he has a new hobby of HAM radio). So you ask why the hell aren't you there with him? Well that is just it, I could be there but not with him...you have to be in the group to go and stand that close to where things might fall on your head. So I could have gone and fought the crowds ALONE...and that makes you feel that much more alone. So here I sit. I am planning a nice little spa night with a brand new Joss Stone cd. (BTW, she ROCKS!)

All of this is to say that I am getting used to being alone. It gives you time to think. And in my case, study and HOPE for a nice middle school teaching position. The thing that is mildly disturbing is the fact that I am alone in a house with a DH right there. How the hell are you alone when there is another human right there? Almost all the time. That is very disturbing, how the hell did we get here...in the same house yet alone. It is sad.

To add to this, I have lost myself...at least my religion. I am actually considering putting away my altar. Not getting rid of it, just putting away the stuff for a while. I am still pagan, but I just don't want the stuff right now. I guess I need to be alone.