Life

Okay so part of coming back into focus is being a little fuzzy, going in and out a couple of times.

I have determined that DH is depressed. I should have seen it a long time ago, seeing how I have made it through it once before. And still seem to be fighting it at times. I am hoping that getting him to the doctor to talk about his ADD that the doc will see the depression too. Here's to checking your fingers crossed.

I am very tired and ready for the end of the school year. The kiddos are ready for it too. Is it sad that I am looking forward to JUST going to classes? Yep, that is right I am going back to school for my masters. At least I am moving towards my PhD. My current problem is funding. We have a significant amount of debt and ended up owing money to the government this year, yay. So we are trying to pay down the debt and get back to right side up. [Sigh]

Back to fuzzy for now...Em

I swear I am still alive...

Really! I promise. I have been busy...no busy is not the right word...swamped! This job is never ending. I am constantly on the search for new ways to accomplish things, ways to help my kids "get it" and now I have two weeks to be sure that they get it enough to pass the stinkin test....you know the BIG test, that every state has. The "Are You Smart Enough to Fill in the Bubbles?" test. I find it a bit crazy that I have to give the lessons in the five senses and then the kids are tested with bubbles, A-E answers. *Sigh*

Anyway, for the general update-
1. Still breathing...barely.
2. Planted the garden! And it is more than peppers and tomatoes this year!
3. The chickens are doing great and I still LOVE the eggs!
4. I love my MOMMY! She came to visit and helped to clean the house...something that had been on the back burner for WAY TOO LONG!
5. My DH is the bestest in the whole wide world. I love this man with every fiber of my being! If it weren't for him I think I may have forgotten how to breathe and I would have died in very dirty clothes! He has been keeping all the laundry done! How awesome!
6. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my job! And my kids! And I cannot believe I spent so many years running away from the one thing that I am born to do!

K, I think that is it for now...Back to grading!
Later days,
E

Well, I did it!

I have a job...a permanent job! I have my own classroom, my own students, my own job! I am soooo excited. I will be teaching math and science for 6th grade! W00T!

I write more when I get a chance to process all this! My head is currently spinning!

Tried of this...

I am sick and tired of not having my own classroom! I have decided that I do not like "regular' subbing...it is more like babysitting. I understand why teachers leave worksheets and busy work for subs, but I am sick of them. They give me nothing to do but sit and watch the kids work on something they don't want to do and I can't tell them why they have to do it. Sigh.

I REALLY want my own classroom. Hopefully I will have one soon!

Sad

I am sad. It was my last day with my long term sub position. I am no longer with my kids. AND I WANT THEM BACK! :) I am awesomely glad that the gentleman I was subbing for is better and back...but that I means I am out...done...finito. And I am sad.

I love these kids, even the weird or/and annoying ones...almost especially those weird and annoying ones. Each one is special, and different, and treasured by me. Not that the actual teacher won't treasure them equally...but for the past few months they were mine. I will see them again...but not everyday, so I am sad.

I will be okay...but for now I am going to live in my sadness.

Later,
Em

Leopard is cooL...and other random thoughts

Mac OS X has a new update called Leopard...now at least I waited a couple of weeks since its release (so that makes me less of a geek, right???) but I got it today! And it is freakin awesome! All of the stuff that annoyed me on Tiger seems to be fixed and some of the extras are friggin cool! Like this thing called Spaces, it makes it like you have as many monitors as you want! You can have one space just for internet stuff, one for a project you are working on, etc., etc., etc. Anyway, I will stop geek-ing out now. :)

There are plenty of other things for me to share with you anyway. First, the guy I have been subbing for has finally gotten better. I am very glad that he is better, but that means I have to go back to "regular" subbing. :( Which really is okay, it's not like I am losing my job. In fact, I have probably gained a full time job in the process. {{fingers crossed}} The thing that has me down is that I have to leave the kids and as much as they can drive me up the wall...I am going to miss them BADLY! At least I can sub at the school and see them then...better than not at all. I may have to ask for visitation rights! LOL

Lets see what else has been going on...

The chickens are doing awesome. WE have had to rig a heat lamp and a white light for them to keep them warm and laying regularly. But we literally have too many eggs! We don't know what to do with them all....so send me your egg recipes! :D

DH is still doing great. He is on track to get back in school. And he is really ramping up the reading! (I am soo proud of him...it used to take him ages to finish a book and now he can finish one in a week.) Better attention span, I guess. He did find out what happens if he drinks while on the meds...and it was not fun. I wasn't there to witness since he was on a business trip, but he admitted he would never do that again.

I guess that is enough for now...I promise to write again soon. And I have some pagan-y stuff to talk about. :)

Later days,
Em

Not so bad...

Well, DH has been doing good...and it really isn't so bad. However, that could be because I have been spending all my time either at school or grading papers or being otherwise engaged with school...this is slightly crazy that I am loving this so much! I spend my time being frustrated, tired and vaguely annoyed...but I love it.

I really do...because there are SO many little things that make it all worth it. Like today when a student said "I don't think I want you to leave." Or when I apparently made the day of a student simply by telling her she could remove her shoes in class (it had rained that day and her socks and shoes were soaked). Or when a student asked me if I had had a good day and then proceeded to tell off the most annoying kid in the class by saying "she is having a good day, don't go and screw it up!" (I had to laugh at that one!)

Who would have guessed that the one the one thing I had been attempting to run fast and furious away from all my life would be the one thing that would make me the happiest.

GO figure!

Later days,
Em

Now I remember...

why I loved high school. Friday nights. Granted I lived in Louisiana for my high school time, but I was in the band and LOVED every minute of it, even if our team was not so good...

But now I am in the Friday Night state of Texas. And now that I am subbing long term and my kids (yes I am calling them mine for now) were begging me to come to the game, I went...more to watch the band than the game, but I know remember exactly how much I loved Friday nights. There is just something about the air in a football arena, and the turn to fall that you get to be a part of when you are sitting in that stadium. The crisp fall air can only feel exactly like that when you are surrounded by people that are excited and the lights are blinding and the team runs on to the field to the fight song. Sure it can feel nice at other times, but it is different.

Long live Friday Night High School Football!

Night,
Em

Why am I typing at 6:40 am?

I don't know...but I haven't been writing here much lately and I haven't really been journaling much lately either...so I am guessing this feeling I am having is from not doing either. I recently realized that I am getting into long conversations when long conversations are needed. I guess my psyche is trying to compensate for not getting things out. So here we go.

I really, really, really love teaching. And I really, really, really want my own room. While I am perfectly happy helping out the teacher that I am subbing for, it is still their room with their stuff, their bulletin boards, their layouts. See the thing is even though I am a sub, I really want these kids to do well...and no I don't know why I care so much. And I even care that much about the ones that don't.

Second, DH is maybe actually quitting drinking. He even went so far as to talk to the doctor and get the medicine that makes you sick if you drink. Unfortunately, though it does not help with the withdrawal symptoms and I am not wanting to deal with him in withdrawal. I will. But it doesn't mean I have to like being treated like dirt and getting snapped at and the general disagreeableness of a man without a drink for a month until he gets out of it.

I also have learned not to get my hopes up. He always does good for 4 or 5 months then something happens. Sometimes it is something big and obvious, sometimes it is something most of us would barely even notice, but either way it is read by DH as catastrophic, must have drink. And off we go again. So I ain't holding my breath, but we will see and hope...a little, that it sticks this time.

Anyway, sorry for the generally depressing post. But I am a generally depressed mood...I promise to come and tell you about the chickens and other fun, happy stuff when the rain lets up.

Later,
Em

Okay...so...

That weekend of writing never came around...it was horribly blockaded by a mad dash to remember all things Biology so that I could teach kids biology without screwing them up completely.

I have gotten a semi-permanent subbing position so it involves actual teaching, which is awesome but highly time consuming. But at least I am getting great experience and great references. So anyway that is why I haven't been writing...

Now back to my regularly scheduled cram session!

Later,
Em

I am the Evil Substitute!

Well, I did it. My first time in a classroom...as a substitute. Not the job I want or need, but a job nonetheless. And experience is always good.

And I did not realize what a valuable tool reading glasses can be. You should try this if you have glasses of any type...slide them towards the end of your nose so you can just see over the rim...now don't you feel hawkish and evil? [evil snicker] Well if you don't, you might not be doing it right...or maybe you need 25 senior students in front of you falling silent. [evil grin] And who knew that every trick in the book is still the same as when I was in High School...I figured it out the kids change, but the ideas all stay the same. Who knew? I guess I figured these kids are more worldly and adult like...but they still use the same ol' "I was just discussing the assignment" when they get caught chatting.

Anyway, I figure the worst is over now. If I can handle Seniors on a Friday before a long weekend....sixth graders should be a snap!

And now the high wears off...

Well I passed the test, and I am VERY excited about that. But now the high has worn down a little and I am facing the fact that I STILL do not have a job. The school year starts tomorrow for the kids...meaning if I get hired now I will be behind the Eight Ball. That does NOT mean that I don't want to be hired...in fact I think the challenge might be some fun after the daily blah of not having much to do.

But anyway the reason I am here...I NEED A JOB! Please will all of you, my loyal readers, please help me put this need to the universe in whatever form you choose. And please leave a comment for whatever you would like put to the universe and I will help you out...you know fair trade and all that! :) Thanks.

Later days,
Emerald

I DID IT!!!!!!!

I PASSED THE TEST!!!!!!!!!! 278 out of 300! WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Hitting "enlarge" again...

A few weeks ago, while studying for my teacher's certification exam (which I took this past Saturday and won't have any clue of how I did for THREE weeks!) I found myself hitting the enlarge the font shortcut on my keyboard...like three or four times! So I decided it was time to stop playing around and get my butt to the optometrist. I have had ( and tried to get away without wearing) glasses since I was about 14. And it had been about three years since I last went to the doc and about two years since I had worn the glasses I had gotten then. (Not good I know)

So off I went...I thought "Oh it won't be too bad. Probably just need something to help when I am reading, that is all!" YEAH RIGHT! Turns out I am blind...not as blind as a bat...but blinder than I thought I was. The thing is that my left eye doesn't see very well so my right eye takes over (thus why I think I can see okay)...then the right eye tires out and...viola! I am hitting the "enlarge" button again.

So the doc provides me with a prescription that is actually less than the one I need...cause, in his words, "[I] would hate [him] if [he] gave [me] what [I] really needed." Basically, I would never return to his bright shiny office of things that tell me my eyes suck!

So I traipse off the the Eyemaster's next door and purchase my shiny new specs. And then proceed to gradually incorporate them into daily constant wear. Surprisingly, I can see sharp edges again!

But over the past few nights I have found myself hitting the "enlarge" button. (He told me this might happen.) It looks like I will be going by way of my mother...and have a separate pair of... {cringe} Reading Glasses. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Oh well, I guess this is what I get after years of reading into the wee hours of the morning. And if I wish to continue my beloved past time, it appears that I am going to have to get over the fact that I am turning very solidly into my mother...at least the doc isn't suggesting bifocals...yet.

Back to two hands

Well I have had a week of rest on the wrist and shoulder and they are doing much better. I am still not using my arm for picking up heavy items...but I should be able to next week. My chiropractor said that I overstretched the nerve in my shoulder and then managed to re-injure it a couple of times and that is why the pain moved down to my wrist. Oh well. At least it seems to be better now.

As to everything else, I have started a small library that will go into my classroom once I am hired and given one. :) I am not sure I have mentioned this...I am applying to be a middle school teacher. I have started an online alternative certification program and I am hoping to have a teaching position this coming school year. So yes I have come full circle and I now fully embrace my teaching side. Like I have said before it easier to embrace it rather than it continually kicking me in the @ss.

So off I go into the unseen future....
Later,
Em