Pain hurts

Okay I know that is...well...it is what it is. But it is true.

There is physical pain. A pain in the neck or arm or leg. I am specifically experiencing a combination of neck and shoulder pain. It is driving me batty and severely limiting my training for the upcoming triathalon. But I am dealing with it and I will get though it...before the race! But physical pain is almost easy compared to its sibling...

Emotional pain.

My great uncle recently passed away. In fact I leave tomorrow to go to his funeral. And while I truly believe he is in a better place and is no longer experiencing ANY pain, the emotional pain left behind with my great aunt is hard and heavy.

My great uncle was a very strong, caring, loving man. He was like a second grandfather to me (well I guess third if you are counting both sides of the family, either way he was special). My great aunt, I am afraid, is carrying the worst of the emotional pain. Because she was the one with him all the time, she was the one who had to watch daily as this great big loving man slowly lost his mind and then his body. In his death, I see release for him, peace and a place where he is whole again. But in his death, I also see the pain in my great aunt's eyes from losing the one and only love of her life. That is why it is the emotional pain that is the worst.

My shoulder will heal and fairly soon as long as I don't do anything stupid. But my aunt's pain is not so easy a wound to fix. She can't just put a salve on the cut, or take an aspirin for the ache. She has her son, her family, her friends. But we cannot expect to take the place of a big strong and sometimes grumpy old man who would sit in his chair and threaten to "throw us in the pond," and laugh like that was the best joke in the world.

We love you, Daddy R! And will miss you. I am glad you are in a better place. And you better be good or I am sure someone there will throw you in the pond!

Tigg, the snaggle-toothed cat

Well that is that. Tigg lost the tooth. Rather it was cut out by the vet. It was so infected the vet had to fill it with antibiotics and stitch it up. He is resting now and enjoying all the soft food he can stuff himself with, so all is well. I feel slightly better now that Tigg is doing better.

Note to self: Check all my babies' mouths REGULARLY!

Update

My advisor still sucks...still screwed up...but at least did try to fix it. But no go...I am not going to get my minor. Oh well. This means I get to drop one of my classes now and have more time for my research.

Which I must get back to now! :)

Later days!

Sometimes I feel like a horrible mommy

*sigh* My poor old boy, Tigg, has a very badly infected tooth...like to the point that the gums are moving down the tooth and the tooth itself is very soft. And I only found it today! And of course the vet wasn't going to be there this afternoon. SO my poor baby has to wait until Monday. Poor guy! I feel so bad for him, I know it hurts. Thank the Goddess that I have been feeding everybody soft food lately...or he would not have been able to eat at all! :(

Ahh the joys of life

The crack sound my back makes at the chiropractor's office.

A voice mail from my DH wondering if I am okay, because I was running late after a workout.

A new pair of running shoes, all shiny, white and begging to be dirty!

B's reaction when I return home...no matter how long I have been gone, to her it has been FOREVER!

A new gadget that will hold my iPod as I drive...that DH got for a steal on eBay after I mentioned I wanted one.

Will's reaction after I get home...much like B's but a little more dignified.

A perfect cup of tea...any flavor will do but cinnamon is my current favorite.

The sound of kittens playing (yes I have added to the clan or rather it grew, remind me and I will fill you in later!)

A hot shower.

Chocolate scented soap and lotion (for in and after that hot shower)

A warm cozy blanket in front of a fire...it helps if the blanket is feather stuffed and purple (my favorite color).

The feeling you get from running 3 miles on a really cold day...the reactions from others are pretty cool too! :)

Okay now don't get used to this...

Wow I have really been updating a fair amount lately, BUT I am not promising it will continue. I will try though.

Well, DH and I had a wonderful dinner for my birthday. I had grilled lamb chops and he had sole with a lobster sauce. YUM!

Anyway now I am on full tri training. Wanna know how you know if you are on true full tri training? You go for a 3 mile run in the FREEZING cold and have to avoid icy patches on the road so you don't fall and blow the season before it even starts!

Tomorrow I am getting up to swim (yes, swim but in an indoor pool) at 5:30 am...then go to class then go to yoga for an hour tomorrow night. Yoga is actually the "easy" workout.

I am back to eating all the time. But all the right stuff, you have to fuel those workouts. They each burn about 600 calories, now you see why I eat all the time.

I am not sure if I ever posted where I started. The highest I ever weighed on the scale was 255 BUT I was bigger than that, I just didn't want to see where I really was so I started losing then weighed a few weeks into it. And I am currently down to 215 and down 4 pants sizes. I am pretty proud of me. I didn't even feel guilty about eating my b-day cake...I knew I would burn it off quickly. :)

Well I best hit the sack, so I will be able to stand/swim in the morning.

Later days
Emerald

Crappy weather sucks!

It is my birthday and the Gods remembered! :) They like sending crappy weather to me on my birthday, They think it is fun! lol

Actually it isn't too bad because now I get to go to a nice restaurant nearby (that I wouldn't have thought of had I not been distance-restrained) and then curl up with DH and the pups in front of a fire! YAY! :) I am sure the cats will join in too if it fits their schedule!

SO I am off to get dressed for dinner. We are going early so we don't get stuck out too late. Late+Rain+Cold+Stupid Texas Drivers= VERY BAD

Then when we get home I get to have birthday cake that my friend's very sweet mom made for me. It is PURPLE (my favorite color) and it has a fudge icing FILLING! Not to mention the ever so yummy creamy icing on top! YUM! And just so you all know...Birthday cake has exactly NO calories and NO fat! lol

Later days!
Emerald

Advisors DO NOT advise...

...they screw up your life! (Okay, maybe not my whole life, but certainly a part of it!) I am speaking of college advisors. Today I found out that what I had figured out class-wise was RIGHT! My advisor was looking at a wrong copy of my classes completed list!

First let me say this is only concerning my minor...I CAN still graduate just not with credit for the extra work I have done! No Minor for me! Or I can delay my graduation until the summer for ONE FREAKIN CLASS (again in my minor).

SO how important is a minor? Not very is what most will say. But in my case, I feel it is important. I already have enough hours to get almost TWO degrees so I would at least like the minor! The problem is all those "extra" hours are in varied fields. History was the only one I was close to the minor requirements that is why I went that way! Now I am not going to get the DAMN THING! ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Okay rant complete.

Seen on Campus

The best use ever for a head scarf:
as a "hands-free" cell phone holder. Just slide the top of the phone between ear and scarf, allowing the microphone of the phone to angle towards the cheek and mouth! Then viola! You have a hands free phone without the added cost of bluetooth!

Here we go again!

ss the First I realize that just the other day I said DH was back to his old tricks again and he was and had been for a while. However, he informed me two days ago (while solidly in the state of drunkenness) that that was it, no mas! That night was to be his last hoo-rah (again). So now two days later I have found that it wasn't the alcohol talking, DH did mean he who as quitting again.(So I guess that the "don't do anything" approach worked?)

I am VERY happy about this and think it will be great for him. BUT now we get to go through bitchy-boy again! Can you guess why I am hold up in my room typing this? :/ Yeap! Bitchy-boy is back with a vengeance. In fact I am contemplating a dinner alone with my new school books.

Just thought you might want to know. :)

Later days!

Am I insane? Yes, yes I am!

Who in their right mind gets up at 4:30 in the morning to workout? That's right NO ONE! However, in my insane mind it makes perfect sense (however, my body is disagreeing at the current moment). I have started back on my full triathlon-training schedule. Except now I have a tri club that I have joined and yes they work out at 5:30 am at my gym (hence the 4:30 reveille for me, gotta drive there).

The thing that is MASSIVELY surprising is the fact that honestly it isn't that bad. I am able to get things done before going to class and so when I get home I can actually have time to do "me" stuff and talk to DH instead of running around like a crazy person trying to straighten up the house or get to the grocery or whatever. Now I do these things in the wee hours of the morning, when no one (in my household) is awake...well except for maybe the cats but they don't tend to be too active after a night of clawing, prowling, and general destruction of the house.

The other benefit is that by the time I do go to bed at night (where I am about to head) I fall asleep...FAST. Something about being awake and burning a solid 600 to 700 calories first thing in the morning does something to you...like wear you the F@*# OUT! Head hits pillow I AM OUT! I have been told that my body will eventually get use to this idea of gettin up and at'em...it currently is putting up a fight and refusing that this will EVER occur but I plan to keep on it. IT WILL BEND TO MY WILL..........................................................................hopefully.

Ok so its been awhile...

Sorry about that! I really did intend to update a bit more over the break that is now almost over. I do have a good reason though...my break wasn't nearly as uneventful as planned. For those of you who have been reading for a while (or for some reason was bored enough to go read the archives) you know that DH is an alcoholic and for a while he was not drinking. Well that is not the case now. He is back full force, I think worse, but he says he isn't. Anyway, I have been trying to figure out what to do. And tonight I discovered an interesting website that suggested that I do nothing.

Let me qualify that a bit. More that I should wait for him to want to do something and love him, not judge him in the mean time. The love part is not hard at all, because I do love him with all my heart. And I don't judge him for drinking, I understand that this is a disease over which he has no control. He is sick. It is the waiting for him to want to do something about it that is VERY difficult for me. If you are sick you go to the doctor, right? He is a very smart man, why can't he just go to the doctor?

The other part of the eventful and heart-breaking break was that my grandmother was diagnosed with a third type of cancer. She has had breast cancer and uterine cancer, and on Christmas day she went to the hospital with a blockage that the doctors thought was caused by the radiation for the uterine cancer. But it wasn't. It was colo-rectal cancer. They did surgery and believe that they got it all, but we are still waiting on the test results.

So all of this brings me to religion. (Just keep reading it will make sense in a minute, promise.)

Religious people usually pray when something happens. They pray for healing, for understanding of why something is happening, for strength to get through, for strength to handle what happens next. Praying happens in many ways; an unspoken plea, a lighted candle, a spell, mediation. I, like the rest of my family, have been doing a lot of praying lately. For good doctors, for good outcomes, for strength for me, the doctors, my family. And in this I have come to a conclusion? Realization? Epiphany?

I think there is a reason to pain and suffering. We need it. There is a reason why my grandmother, who is a devout Christian and NEVER second guesses what God may have planned, has had now 3 types of cancer and why she continues to survive and have faith. There is a reason my grandfather (also devout Christian) doesn't let her see him cry at the pain she suffers. And there is a reason that I continue to love a very broken and sick man.

Pain makes us question our beliefs. Suffering or watching someone we love suffer has a way of either strengthening our faith or challenging it. I am not saying that suffering is fun, it MOST definitely is NOT! I am just saying it is necessary. For some it tears their belief system to shreds, for others it makes it stronger; either way there is a chance to reevaluate beliefs, verify them. In a way this is the answer to the prayer for strength. It is that whole "be careful what you wish for" thing at work, so always remember to word your request wisely.