Losing a loved-one or a friend is hard...even if it is a small furry one. Rocko passed away on Friday the 19th. I haven't written anything because it is fresh...too fresh in my mind. But today I realized that writing this out may just help.
The poor boy started having seizures on Thursday Night. He was racked with them for 5 to 10 minutes, then he stopped breathing for a bit. Then his body started to try fight and survive. I decided that I would let him try to go peacefully at home. But the next day he was seizing again and I knew I couldn't put him through anymore. DH took him to the Vet and....well you can fill in the blank.
I had a funeral ritual for him that night. And celebrated his life with us. Remembering all the funny little things he would do. But in the end I realized that now he is with his sister whom he loved dearly, Kiki. She passed away a couple of years ago. But now they are together in the Summerland...and I am sure they are snuggled up together, snoring! lol
I miss my children that are no longer with me. But I am a better person since I had them in my life.
PS And yes writing this out has helped. Rocko, I miss you! I love you and Kiki; always will!
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Seems to me...
It seems to me that no matter how hard I try not to be a teacher, I ALWAYS end up being one! You see, I was raised by teachers. My mom, grandma, grandpa, uncle, aunt...basically my mother's entire family were and are teachers. My grandpa and uncle worked up to principal, but still teachers nonetheless. Even my DH's family has multiple teachers. So both he and I know and understand the struggles our teachers go through and the horrible pay they receive.
So that is part of my problem with teaching...but the other part is I just don't WANT to do it! As far as teaching in a school, there are too many federal interruptions. You don't teach the kids, you teach the test. And how exactly does THAT give us educated citizens? It doesn't. It just gives us automatons that all know the least amount required by the federal standards. That is why we have no great minds...we don't let them exist. We are TOO caught up in equality and that causes us to flat line our great minds. All of this obviously only applies to the education system...
But there are other types of teaching. And while I have managed to stay out of the "system" as a teacher, I still manage to be a teacher! While in high school, I was the leader of the flute and piccolo line (as lame as that sounds) in the marching band. There I found myself teaching younger players how to march. Then after that I managed to escape teaching for a while, then I found myself as the head trainer at a restaurant! Again teaching. Then I escaped that...only to land a job at a florist shop teaching them how to use the computer system (I had been raised using it so I knew it like the back of my hand!). That was followed by a stint as a swim teacher...that was REALLY teaching. I taught kids from 6 months & up to swim. Yes, it was great fun...right up til I found out I am allergic to chlorine!
But that job taught me something...the harder you run from something; the faster it will catch you. By George you might even like it when it does! I loved that job, those kids...yes even the trouble ones! I would still be there today if it weren't for the horrible rash and the sick feeling I get from being in the chlorine too long. So with that job I accepted that maybe teaching was something I was meant to do. Don't get me wrong...I am NOT going to go teach in the school systems! Remember I am a Government Major...I know how effed up our school systems are.
But I am no longer denying part of myself. I am a teacher, I was raised by teachers, I have it in my blood.
All of this ties back to my "New Beginnings" post...there I said I was starting a group. Well it seems my group may be growing. And I am the teacher...
I think the most important thing in all of this is I learned to embrace myself for who I am, even if my ego tells me I don't want to be that. And I learned to NEVER stop learning...that is the only true way to teach.
So that is part of my problem with teaching...but the other part is I just don't WANT to do it! As far as teaching in a school, there are too many federal interruptions. You don't teach the kids, you teach the test. And how exactly does THAT give us educated citizens? It doesn't. It just gives us automatons that all know the least amount required by the federal standards. That is why we have no great minds...we don't let them exist. We are TOO caught up in equality and that causes us to flat line our great minds. All of this obviously only applies to the education system...
But there are other types of teaching. And while I have managed to stay out of the "system" as a teacher, I still manage to be a teacher! While in high school, I was the leader of the flute and piccolo line (as lame as that sounds) in the marching band. There I found myself teaching younger players how to march. Then after that I managed to escape teaching for a while, then I found myself as the head trainer at a restaurant! Again teaching. Then I escaped that...only to land a job at a florist shop teaching them how to use the computer system (I had been raised using it so I knew it like the back of my hand!). That was followed by a stint as a swim teacher...that was REALLY teaching. I taught kids from 6 months & up to swim. Yes, it was great fun...right up til I found out I am allergic to chlorine!
But that job taught me something...the harder you run from something; the faster it will catch you. By George you might even like it when it does! I loved that job, those kids...yes even the trouble ones! I would still be there today if it weren't for the horrible rash and the sick feeling I get from being in the chlorine too long. So with that job I accepted that maybe teaching was something I was meant to do. Don't get me wrong...I am NOT going to go teach in the school systems! Remember I am a Government Major...I know how effed up our school systems are.
But I am no longer denying part of myself. I am a teacher, I was raised by teachers, I have it in my blood.
All of this ties back to my "New Beginnings" post...there I said I was starting a group. Well it seems my group may be growing. And I am the teacher...
I think the most important thing in all of this is I learned to embrace myself for who I am, even if my ego tells me I don't want to be that. And I learned to NEVER stop learning...that is the only true way to teach.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Life with an addict...trying to stop
Bless him! My DH has finally decided to stop drinking. And while I am terribly proud of him and trying to support him any way I can. He is a GROUCH! And he is driving me crazy! I would say he is driving me to drink, but I can't drink in front of him, of course!
It doesn't help that I am hard-headed and stubborn...and so is he! So we butt heads at the best of times. So can you imagine in the worst of times? Yeah it is like the Clash of the Titans. Violent yelling storms, chilly silences, icy stares...and ABSOLUTELY NO PROGRESS! Well other than we usually end up feeling worse than when we started and both needing a drink that we can't have more than ever. Overall, it sucks!
So what I want to know is, how do people deal with this? Is the person that stops drinking going to be bitchy forever? Or is it a temporary thing? Or is it a personality trait that had been hidden by the beer? I guess I will see...eventually.
It doesn't help that I am hard-headed and stubborn...and so is he! So we butt heads at the best of times. So can you imagine in the worst of times? Yeah it is like the Clash of the Titans. Violent yelling storms, chilly silences, icy stares...and ABSOLUTELY NO PROGRESS! Well other than we usually end up feeling worse than when we started and both needing a drink that we can't have more than ever. Overall, it sucks!
So what I want to know is, how do people deal with this? Is the person that stops drinking going to be bitchy forever? Or is it a temporary thing? Or is it a personality trait that had been hidden by the beer? I guess I will see...eventually.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Drama...in all its wonderful forms
Ahhh...the joys of drama. But what would life be without it? BORING!!!!
Lets talk about Will and B...B (that's the Jack Russell Terrorist) was being her usual terrorist self yesterday. She was trying to hoard all of the toys to herself. Well Will managed to nip one away...B gives chase...nips at the toy and accidentally nips Will instead. Needless to say, Will turned B into a living rag doll. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCKkkkkkkkkkkkkkk! When Will let go, B put on her best Scarlett O'Hara act. Whining, crying, hiding behind me (once I ran outside, DH was already out there and had witnessed the whole thing). Will instantly turned to mush in the corner of the yard...she knew she was in trouble!
I took B inside and gave her a bath (cause she had been REALLY scared even if she was playing it up a bit). Found no blood, just a couple of bruises or at least soon-to-be bruises. Checked her bones (used to work at a vet so I can do the once over-thing I am trained...but if you are not PLEASE take your injured animal to the vet ASAP), made her walk, and while she limped a bit...she was still in tact. So first thing this morning we head to the vet. She is fine...she received antibiotics and pain meds for the bruising.
As for Will, she is still playing Wounded Will. She is trying to sit in my DH's lap, which is the height of comedy because she is 60 pounds and steps in all the wrong places! I know I shouldn't laugh...but HAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahhahHAHAHAHAHAHhHAHAHAHHA! She walks with her head down and stares at us with big brown eyes, trying to say "I'm sorry." So she has a bit of the Scarlett streak too.
So there you have my drama from last night. And all I can say is that my life is anything but BORING!
Lets talk about Will and B...B (that's the Jack Russell Terrorist) was being her usual terrorist self yesterday. She was trying to hoard all of the toys to herself. Well Will managed to nip one away...B gives chase...nips at the toy and accidentally nips Will instead. Needless to say, Will turned B into a living rag doll. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCKkkkkkkkkkkkkkk! When Will let go, B put on her best Scarlett O'Hara act. Whining, crying, hiding behind me (once I ran outside, DH was already out there and had witnessed the whole thing). Will instantly turned to mush in the corner of the yard...she knew she was in trouble!
I took B inside and gave her a bath (cause she had been REALLY scared even if she was playing it up a bit). Found no blood, just a couple of bruises or at least soon-to-be bruises. Checked her bones (used to work at a vet so I can do the once over-thing I am trained...but if you are not PLEASE take your injured animal to the vet ASAP), made her walk, and while she limped a bit...she was still in tact. So first thing this morning we head to the vet. She is fine...she received antibiotics and pain meds for the bruising.
As for Will, she is still playing Wounded Will. She is trying to sit in my DH's lap, which is the height of comedy because she is 60 pounds and steps in all the wrong places! I know I shouldn't laugh...but HAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahhahHAHAHAHAHAHhHAHAHAHHA! She walks with her head down and stares at us with big brown eyes, trying to say "I'm sorry." So she has a bit of the Scarlett streak too.
So there you have my drama from last night. And all I can say is that my life is anything but BORING!
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
New beginnings
Well, here we go. My first witchy post. I warned you that they would show up sooner or later. As I believe I said before (I am too lazy to go check right now) I am Pagan. Earth-based, polytheist religion. I have been for 8 years now. (So all those with hopes of converting me turn back now! I am not a convertible!) Anyway, over this time I have had starts and stops, rapid growth and slow contemplation. Basically, I have had the turning of the wheel present in my life. The Goddess and God have blessed me with growth, time to heal and growth some more. Much like a field that lays fallow for a while will produce the next crop better, I have been cycled a few times.
I am currently in another cycle. One that seems to just have started, one I find VERY exciting. I have been told to start a learning circle. A book club for witches if you will. A safe place for my sisters and brothers to come and discuss the books we read; as well as, their own life and growth. A place for affirmation, love and hope.
I believe this is an important aspect of anyone's life...But I know how hard it is to find like-minded people. And even when you do, it is difficult not to think "I can't say that, they will think I am crazy!" I didn't have anyone to even think that about when I first started out. Much less, someone I could share the new feelings and first "tingle" of Magic with...I was very lonely and usually ended up questioning myself. But over time I figured out that I was not crazy and the "things" I felt were real. But that took a long time.
After I finally settled into my life and power, I finally did find someone. A very good friend who is helping me start this group, one of the charter members I guess you could say. She calls me her mentor, teacher and friend. I am happy to hold each of these titles to her...and I am ready to take on the role of teacher to the ones who will eventually join this group. But in actuality, she is my teacher too. She shows me that I am not insane, that I have more to learn. She sees in me a teacher and a mentor and in seeing that she has created me into just that. And now thanks to her I get to move forward into a new beginning, a new time of growth.
So to my friend I raise my glass and say "To new beginnings, May we grow together!"
I am currently in another cycle. One that seems to just have started, one I find VERY exciting. I have been told to start a learning circle. A book club for witches if you will. A safe place for my sisters and brothers to come and discuss the books we read; as well as, their own life and growth. A place for affirmation, love and hope.
I believe this is an important aspect of anyone's life...But I know how hard it is to find like-minded people. And even when you do, it is difficult not to think "I can't say that, they will think I am crazy!" I didn't have anyone to even think that about when I first started out. Much less, someone I could share the new feelings and first "tingle" of Magic with...I was very lonely and usually ended up questioning myself. But over time I figured out that I was not crazy and the "things" I felt were real. But that took a long time.
After I finally settled into my life and power, I finally did find someone. A very good friend who is helping me start this group, one of the charter members I guess you could say. She calls me her mentor, teacher and friend. I am happy to hold each of these titles to her...and I am ready to take on the role of teacher to the ones who will eventually join this group. But in actuality, she is my teacher too. She shows me that I am not insane, that I have more to learn. She sees in me a teacher and a mentor and in seeing that she has created me into just that. And now thanks to her I get to move forward into a new beginning, a new time of growth.
So to my friend I raise my glass and say "To new beginnings, May we grow together!"
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