Life

Okay so part of coming back into focus is being a little fuzzy, going in and out a couple of times.

I have determined that DH is depressed. I should have seen it a long time ago, seeing how I have made it through it once before. And still seem to be fighting it at times. I am hoping that getting him to the doctor to talk about his ADD that the doc will see the depression too. Here's to checking your fingers crossed.

I am very tired and ready for the end of the school year. The kiddos are ready for it too. Is it sad that I am looking forward to JUST going to classes? Yep, that is right I am going back to school for my masters. At least I am moving towards my PhD. My current problem is funding. We have a significant amount of debt and ended up owing money to the government this year, yay. So we are trying to pay down the debt and get back to right side up. [Sigh]

Back to fuzzy for now...Em

I know...I have disappeared...but I am coming back into focus.

I am still alive, busy...very busy. There have been many changes, many things I needed to write, to get out. But I just haven't had time. I have had to process things in my own head, without getting them out. And I must say writing is easier.

I love my job, however that proves difficult for other things. When you love a job, you tend to spend a majority of time working. It is very satisfying to work with kids; seeing them understand, learn and grow. I love preparing lessons and following through on them. But other things tend to get pushed aside. No matter how much you try to not let them get pushed aside.

Things like a clean house, or properly exercised pups, or religious practice, or up-kept hobbies all get put aside. I still manage to read a fair amount in bits and pieces of stolen moments. I also make it a point to but audio books on iTunes. And a prayer is easy enough to speak at any moment and I do that often enough. The pups are happy enough to play in the backyard while I work in the garden. The chickens are still laying regularly and have taken to chasing the pups about the yard. Who knew that a chicken could hold a lab at bay?

My DH is...well, just is. He is here with me in body, but I am not sure if he is here in mind. He is fairly unhappy in his job. But he has started taking classes and that has seemed to help some of his restlessness. He is still drinking, even though he takes a medicine that makes him turn a horrible shade of red. The medicine is supposed to prevent him from drinking...but it doesn't.

He is having moments of complete irrationality and it is very difficult to live with them. I am unsure of what to do at those moments. The best thing to do is to leave him alone, but I am afraid to do so, in case of him hurting himself. The other thing is that the aftereffects of these moments are long lasting, up to a week or more. It is making life a bit difficult.

Try as I might, I just don't know how to help. Hell, there are times when I also have these spells of irrationality. I think this is why we get along as well as we do, we are too similar even to the point that our psychosis is alike.

There are many other things that have happened and changed, but would take forever to type out. And there are other things that I refuse to post (even though this is fairly anonymous) out of respect for the bonds that once were, even if severed now. I hope to write more often. Writing is a salve to my mind.

I swear I am still alive...

Really! I promise. I have been busy...no busy is not the right word...swamped! This job is never ending. I am constantly on the search for new ways to accomplish things, ways to help my kids "get it" and now I have two weeks to be sure that they get it enough to pass the stinkin test....you know the BIG test, that every state has. The "Are You Smart Enough to Fill in the Bubbles?" test. I find it a bit crazy that I have to give the lessons in the five senses and then the kids are tested with bubbles, A-E answers. *Sigh*

Anyway, for the general update-
1. Still breathing...barely.
2. Planted the garden! And it is more than peppers and tomatoes this year!
3. The chickens are doing great and I still LOVE the eggs!
4. I love my MOMMY! She came to visit and helped to clean the house...something that had been on the back burner for WAY TOO LONG!
5. My DH is the bestest in the whole wide world. I love this man with every fiber of my being! If it weren't for him I think I may have forgotten how to breathe and I would have died in very dirty clothes! He has been keeping all the laundry done! How awesome!
6. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my job! And my kids! And I cannot believe I spent so many years running away from the one thing that I am born to do!

K, I think that is it for now...Back to grading!
Later days,
E

Still not finished processing...

Well in my last post I said I would write more when I finished processing all this...well I am STILL processing! Well, the process has now changed to how the hell am I going to get these kids where they are supposed to be from the very not-good beginning that they had. Some I am seeing progress, others seem to be falling behind, even further behind...and while the fact that the whole class is behind is NOT my fault. I feel like I am failing the kids somehow if I don't get them where they should be.

Yes I know that sounds crazy and I am only two weeks into this gig. And yes I know that everyone knows what happened to them during first semester and what a great improvement most are already showing...I guess you can say it is my perfectionism kicking in. So in order to satisfy that part of me, I am off to modify lesson plans...is it sad that I actually enjoy this?

Later,
Em

PS I GOT AN iPHONE!!!!!!!!! Yippppppppeeeeeeeeee! When I actually get it set up (waiting on getting my old number transferred) I will let you know how completely awesome it is!

Well, I did it!

I have a job...a permanent job! I have my own classroom, my own students, my own job! I am soooo excited. I will be teaching math and science for 6th grade! W00T!

I write more when I get a chance to process all this! My head is currently spinning!

Tried of this...

I am sick and tired of not having my own classroom! I have decided that I do not like "regular' subbing...it is more like babysitting. I understand why teachers leave worksheets and busy work for subs, but I am sick of them. They give me nothing to do but sit and watch the kids work on something they don't want to do and I can't tell them why they have to do it. Sigh.

I REALLY want my own classroom. Hopefully I will have one soon!

Turkey...good

Yummm, there is nothing better than a great turkey dinner. DH roasted a wonderful turkey today. Yes, you read that right...DH made the turkey. I made all the other goodies, but the turkey is what he LOVES to do. He has fried them, stuffed them, and roasted them. But today he outdid himself. He brined and roasted the bird. YUM YUM YUM! The white meat (my favorite) was the juiciest, yummiest, wonderful-est ever! (Yeah I know that last one isn't really a word.)

I added cornbread stuffing, deviled eggs and a buttermilk pie to the feast, and I opened the can for the cranberry. Yes, I know we were void of veggies but we had an 11 pound bird for the two of us. We were already over doing it. Of course, the pups got a turkey dinner too! (Yes, the real thing...they got a plate just like we did! Hey they are family too!)

So now we are plenty stuffed and the pups are passed out...tryptophan is fun! In fact I am relatively surprised that DH and I are still up...though I feel the call of the bed.