Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Exhaustion and Ritual

School can bring on steady exhaustion all on its own. Now add a twice a day workout schedule, looming 5k race, general household duties and a group that needs to meet...and you have my point of exhaustion. Not that I complaining...okay well maybe I am a little. The thing is that this type of exhaustion I actually like. It means I am blessed with the pursuit of education, I am bettering myself and my health, and I have a life and friends. So I am okay with this exhaustion...and if anything the part from school will eventually be over (at least for a little while).

I realized I hadn't really posted anything spiritual lately. And isn't that just the way it goes? I am constantly mindful of my internal dialogue with the Gods and Goddesses, my prayers and conversations with them are ongoing. But sometimes there is just not enough time in the day for "practice." The thing is I think They understand that, They realize that I have school (They surely realize that that is usually what I am discussing with Them anyway!), They realize sometimes you just have to vacuum the floor, pick up the dishes, clean the litter boxes...

I believe it is the internal dialogue that is most important. The acknowledgment that They are a force in your life. That you can talk to them about anything, just like a best friend that will listen to you rant about some random thing, that is what They are. The practice part is important too...Ritual is part and long has been part of human life. Think about it...what did you do this morning? The same thing you did yesterday morning, or the morning before, or the morning before that? Exactly! We all have our little rituals, things we do the same way every time. Ever eat an Oreo? Or in the shower, do you shampoo, condition then wash, or wash then shampoo? Is there a well worn pattern in your day? There is your ritual...it may not be spiritual...but why can't it be?

I guess what I am getting at is find something that you can do in your everyday that is a ritual to whoever your higher power is. I can turn my vacuuming into a cleansing ritual for my home, remove the physical clutter along with the psychic clutter. Turn making my lunch into a prayer of gratitude that I have food to make my lunch. Instead of focusing on what I can't do (fit in a full circle, incense, candles and spells), I can focus on what I can do and what I can turn into a ritual.

So it doesn't matter that I am exhausted or that I "don't have time," I do have time I just have to change the way I think of time and how I use it. So go out there, find your ritual and make it spiritual.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

And, yet, there are miles left to go...

After spending the last three weeks or so, raving about the beauty of a road bike, DH finally asked for one. And OF course I wasn't going to say no! Now he could easily join me on my long ride days. Little did I know that he would push the meaning of a "long ride."

Yesterday, we head to the bike store, get him all fitted out, add all the gadgets and head home to hit the road. We plan on a relatively short ride around the neighborhoods to let him get used to the new steed...so out we go with the intention of riding about 12 miles and at 6pm that would be pushing the darkness limits of our non-night-safe steeds.

We hit the neighborhoods that have nice long streets where you can get good speed and steady cadence (for the non-cyclist, that is the name for peddling). We get to the end of those and DH shouts, "Take a left up here, I want to see what's back there!" Words I will live to despise!

To make a long, tortuous story short, at 9:15 pm and 27 miles later we pull into our driveway; tired, hungry and VERY giddy. I pushed all of my limits and DH pushed most of my buttons (even though he wasn't trying too). I had started the ride (including my prep, i.e. eating, water supply, carry-on food, for it) on the aforementioned criterion and with the very clear fact that riding after dark was NOT to happen.

I was pushed to the max and quite honestly beyond. But now I know that I can find my way home, in the dark. And fix a chain, in the dark. Cross bridges on a bike, in the dark (btw, have a mentioned my insane fear of bridges before?). Successfully hold a panic attack at bay, in the dark. And NOT throw my DH over the bridge guardrails, in the dark! :)

The point of my choice to do a tri and change my lifestyle was to push my limits and find myself and inner strength. (And maybe, just a little, to prove someone wrong and that I CAN do anything I want!) Last night proved that I am definitely on that track. And that it may be a long journey and there are miles left to go...but I am here to tell you this story. I survived this time and I will survive the next. If for any reason, then to prove to someone, somewhere (myself included) absolutely WRONG!