Maybe one day I'll think of a title...

Life

2009-05-21T21:30:00.003-05:00

Okay so part of coming back into focus is being a little fuzzy, going in and out a couple of times.

I have determined that DH is depressed. I should have seen it a long time ago, seeing how I have made it through it once before. And still seem to be fighting it at times. I am hoping that getting him to the doctor to talk about his ADD that the doc will see the depression too. Here's to checking your fingers crossed.

I am very tired and ready for the end of the school year. The kiddos are ready for it too. Is it sad that I am looking forward to JUST going to classes? Yep, that is right I am going back to school for my masters. At least I am moving towards my PhD. My current problem is funding. We have a significant amount of debt and ended up owing money to the government this year, yay. So we are trying to pay down the debt and get back to right side up. [Sigh]

Back to fuzzy for now...Em

I know...I have disappeared...but I am coming back into focus.

2009-05-02T12:21:00.004-05:00

I am still alive, busy...very busy. There have been many changes, many things I needed to write, to get out. But I just haven't had time. I have had to process things in my own head, without getting them out. And I must say writing is easier.

I love my job, however that proves difficult for other things. When you love a job, you tend to spend a majority of time working. It is very satisfying to work with kids; seeing them understand, learn and grow. I love preparing lessons and following through on them. But other things tend to get pushed aside. No matter how much you try to not let them get pushed aside.

Things like a clean house, or properly exercised pups, or religious practice, or up-kept hobbies all get put aside. I still manage to read a fair amount in bits and pieces of stolen moments. I also make it a point to but audio books on iTunes. And a prayer is easy enough to speak at any moment and I do that often enough. The pups are happy enough to play in the backyard while I work in the garden. The chickens are still laying regularly and have taken to chasing the pups about the yard. Who knew that a chicken could hold a lab at bay?

My DH is...well, just is. He is here with me in body, but I am not sure if he is here in mind. He is fairly unhappy in his job. But he has started taking classes and that has seemed to help some of his restlessness. He is still drinking, even though he takes a medicine that makes him turn a horrible shade of red. The medicine is supposed to prevent him from drinking...but it doesn't.

He is having moments of complete irrationality and it is very difficult to live with them. I am unsure of what to do at those moments. The best thing to do is to leave him alone, but I am afraid to do so, in case of him hurting himself. The other thing is that the aftereffects of these moments are long lasting, up to a week or more. It is making life a bit difficult.

Try as I might, I just don't know how to help. Hell, there are times when I also have these spells of irrationality. I think this is why we get along as well as we do, we are too similar even to the point that our psychosis is alike.

There are many other things that have happened and changed, but would take forever to type out. And there are other things that I refuse to post (even though this is fairly anonymous) out of respect for the bonds that once were, even if severed now. I hope to write more often. Writing is a salve to my mind.

I swear I am still alive...

2008-03-24T20:45:00.003-05:00

Really! I promise. I have been busy...no busy is not the right word...swamped! This job is never ending. I am constantly on the search for new ways to accomplish things, ways to help my kids "get it" and now I have two weeks to be sure that they get it enough to pass the stinkin test....you know the BIG test, that every state has. The "Are You Smart Enough to Fill in the Bubbles?" test. I find it a bit crazy that I have to give the lessons in the five senses and then the kids are tested with bubbles, A-E answers. *Sigh*

Anyway, for the general update-
1. Still breathing...barely.
2. Planted the garden! And it is more than peppers and tomatoes this year!
3. The chickens are doing great and I still LOVE the eggs!
4. I love my MOMMY! She came to visit and helped to clean the house...something that had been on the back burner for WAY TOO LONG!
5. My DH is the bestest in the whole wide world. I love this man with every fiber of my being! If it weren't for him I think I may have forgotten how to breathe and I would have died in very dirty clothes! He has been keeping all the laundry done! How awesome!
6. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my job! And my kids! And I cannot believe I spent so many years running away from the one thing that I am born to do!

K, I think that is it for now...Back to grading!
Later days,
E

Still not finished processing...

2008-01-20T20:28:00.000-06:00

Well in my last post I said I would write more when I finished processing all this...well I am STILL processing! Well, the process has now changed to how the hell am I going to get these kids where they are supposed to be from the very not-good beginning that they had. Some I am seeing progress, others seem to be falling behind, even further behind...and while the fact that the whole class is behind is NOT my fault. I feel like I am failing the kids somehow if I don't get them where they should be.

Yes I know that sounds crazy and I am only two weeks into this gig. And yes I know that everyone knows what happened to them during first semester and what a great improvement most are already showing...I guess you can say it is my perfectionism kicking in. So in order to satisfy that part of me, I am off to modify lesson plans...is it sad that I actually enjoy this?

Later,
Em

PS I GOT AN iPHONE!!!!!!!!! Yippppppppeeeeeeeeee! When I actually get it set up (waiting on getting my old number transferred) I will let you know how completely awesome it is!

Well, I did it!

2007-12-18T21:51:00.000-06:00

I have a job...a permanent job! I have my own classroom, my own students, my own job! I am soooo excited. I will be teaching math and science for 6th grade! W00T!

I write more when I get a chance to process all this! My head is currently spinning!

Tried of this...

2007-12-06T19:35:00.000-06:00

I am sick and tired of not having my own classroom! I have decided that I do not like "regular' subbing...it is more like babysitting. I understand why teachers leave worksheets and busy work for subs, but I am sick of them. They give me nothing to do but sit and watch the kids work on something they don't want to do and I can't tell them why they have to do it. Sigh.

I REALLY want my own classroom. Hopefully I will have one soon!

Turkey...good

2007-11-22T22:13:00.000-06:00

Yummm, there is nothing better than a great turkey dinner. DH roasted a wonderful turkey today. Yes, you read that right...DH made the turkey. I made all the other goodies, but the turkey is what he LOVES to do. He has fried them, stuffed them, and roasted them. But today he outdid himself. He brined and roasted the bird. YUM YUM YUM! The white meat (my favorite) was the juiciest, yummiest, wonderful-est ever! (Yeah I know that last one isn't really a word.)

I added cornbread stuffing, deviled eggs and a buttermilk pie to the feast, and I opened the can for the cranberry. Yes, I know we were void of veggies but we had an 11 pound bird for the two of us. We were already over doing it. Of course, the pups got a turkey dinner too! (Yes, the real thing...they got a plate just like we did! Hey they are family too!)

So now we are plenty stuffed and the pups are passed out...tryptophan is fun! In fact I am relatively surprised that DH and I are still up...though I feel the call of the bed.

Thanks so much...

2007-11-20T19:31:00.000-06:00

So the holidays are upon us and I know I haven't been posting much about religion of late, so I would like to take a moment to give thanks for everything I have as well as give you a bit of religion. :)

Let's do religion first. I am still pagan, even though I haven't been "doing" much lately. But I don't believe "doing" is overly necessary. Let me take a moment to define "doing." Doing is ritual, magic with all the props. For the past three or four months, I have not been doing. That does not mean that I haven't prayed, talked to God and Goddess, I have. I have woven my magic without the "stuff," I have spoken my needs and found them filled. I had gotten lost in the "doing," I needed the "being."

My group has fallen by the wayside, not for our lack of wanting the group, but more because of Life. You try it sometime try to get four or five adults, all with families, jobs and other obligations, in the same place at the same time. Maybe one day.

Now for the thanks...

I am grateful for:
my DH and all my babies.
my friends and all their support...You guys' ability to listen to me is amazing! :)
my family.
my health (I have come to understand that my ability to avoid illness may be fairly rare.)
finding my calling.
my students...well the ones that once were "my" students.
the teachers at "my"school and their willingness to help me find a full-time job.

Well time to get the turkey marinating!

Later days,
Em

Sad

2007-11-16T20:47:00.000-06:00

I am sad. It was my last day with my long term sub position. I am no longer with my kids. AND I WANT THEM BACK! :) I am awesomely glad that the gentleman I was subbing for is better and back...but that I means I am out...done...finito. And I am sad.

I love these kids, even the weird or/and annoying ones...almost especially those weird and annoying ones. Each one is special, and different, and treasured by me. Not that the actual teacher won't treasure them equally...but for the past few months they were mine. I will see them again...but not everyday, so I am sad.

I will be okay...but for now I am going to live in my sadness.

Later,
Em

Leopard is cooL...and other random thoughts

2007-11-11T21:52:00.000-06:00

Mac OS X has a new update called Leopard...now at least I waited a couple of weeks since its release (so that makes me less of a geek, right???) but I got it today! And it is freakin awesome! All of the stuff that annoyed me on Tiger seems to be fixed and some of the extras are friggin cool! Like this thing called Spaces, it makes it like you have as many monitors as you want! You can have one space just for internet stuff, one for a project you are working on, etc., etc., etc. Anyway, I will stop geek-ing out now. :)

There are plenty of other things for me to share with you anyway. First, the guy I have been subbing for has finally gotten better. I am very glad that he is better, but that means I have to go back to "regular" subbing. :( Which really is okay, it's not like I am losing my job. In fact, I have probably gained a full time job in the process. {{fingers crossed}} The thing that has me down is that I have to leave the kids and as much as they can drive me up the wall...I am going to miss them BADLY! At least I can sub at the school and see them then...better than not at all. I may have to ask for visitation rights! LOL

Lets see what else has been going on...

The chickens are doing awesome. WE have had to rig a heat lamp and a white light for them to keep them warm and laying regularly. But we literally have too many eggs! We don't know what to do with them all....so send me your egg recipes! :D

DH is still doing great. He is on track to get back in school. And he is really ramping up the reading! (I am soo proud of him...it used to take him ages to finish a book and now he can finish one in a week.) Better attention span, I guess. He did find out what happens if he drinks while on the meds...and it was not fun. I wasn't there to witness since he was on a business trip, but he admitted he would never do that again.

I guess that is enough for now...I promise to write again soon. And I have some pagan-y stuff to talk about. :)

Later days,
Em

Life is good...

2007-10-30T21:30:00.000-05:00

Right now, everything is great! DH is doing fine on his meds (he figured out he can drink the non-alcoholic beer to curb the taste cravings). I LOVE my job...of course that won't be the case for much longer, but I am happy that the gentleman I have been subbing for is getting better. I wouldn't wish what he has gone through on my worst enemy. Besides the fact that this will pretty much secure a position for me in the district...in fact the teachers I am working with have been begging me to try to find a way to take the 8-12 science cert so I can be there next year! :) That makes me happy. And the icing on the cake...the kids don't want me to leave! That makes me feel good.

Now to my nice warm snuggly bed...and sleep!
Later-
Em

Not so bad...

2007-10-18T22:07:00.000-05:00

Well, DH has been doing good...and it really isn't so bad. However, that could be because I have been spending all my time either at school or grading papers or being otherwise engaged with school...this is slightly crazy that I am loving this so much! I spend my time being frustrated, tired and vaguely annoyed...but I love it.

I really do...because there are SO many little things that make it all worth it. Like today when a student said "I don't think I want you to leave." Or when I apparently made the day of a student simply by telling her she could remove her shoes in class (it had rained that day and her socks and shoes were soaked). Or when a student asked me if I had had a good day and then proceeded to tell off the most annoying kid in the class by saying "she is having a good day, don't go and screw it up!" (I had to laugh at that one!)

Who would have guessed that the one the one thing I had been attempting to run fast and furious away from all my life would be the one thing that would make me the happiest.

GO figure!

Later days,
Em

And the first pill is taken...

2007-10-06T17:15:00.000-05:00

Well DH started the meds today. I don't remember what they are called but they will make him sick if he has any alcohol what-so-ever, even alcohol in a sauce can make him sick. It doesn't take away the cravings or the crappy mood that he will be in for the next month or so. So here we go...

Now I remember...

2007-10-05T22:06:00.000-05:00

why I loved high school. Friday nights. Granted I lived in Louisiana for my high school time, but I was in the band and LOVED every minute of it, even if our team was not so good...

But now I am in the Friday Night state of Texas. And now that I am subbing long term and my kids (yes I am calling them mine for now) were begging me to come to the game, I went...more to watch the band than the game, but I know remember exactly how much I loved Friday nights. There is just something about the air in a football arena, and the turn to fall that you get to be a part of when you are sitting in that stadium. The crisp fall air can only feel exactly like that when you are surrounded by people that are excited and the lights are blinding and the team runs on to the field to the fight song. Sure it can feel nice at other times, but it is different.

Long live Friday Night High School Football!

Night,
Em

Why am I typing at 6:40 am?

2007-10-03T06:40:00.000-05:00

I don't know...but I haven't been writing here much lately and I haven't really been journaling much lately either...so I am guessing this feeling I am having is from not doing either. I recently realized that I am getting into long conversations when long conversations are needed. I guess my psyche is trying to compensate for not getting things out. So here we go.

I really, really, really love teaching. And I really, really, really want my own room. While I am perfectly happy helping out the teacher that I am subbing for, it is still their room with their stuff, their bulletin boards, their layouts. See the thing is even though I am a sub, I really want these kids to do well...and no I don't know why I care so much. And I even care that much about the ones that don't.

Second, DH is maybe actually quitting drinking. He even went so far as to talk to the doctor and get the medicine that makes you sick if you drink. Unfortunately, though it does not help with the withdrawal symptoms and I am not wanting to deal with him in withdrawal. I will. But it doesn't mean I have to like being treated like dirt and getting snapped at and the general disagreeableness of a man without a drink for a month until he gets out of it.

I also have learned not to get my hopes up. He always does good for 4 or 5 months then something happens. Sometimes it is something big and obvious, sometimes it is something most of us would barely even notice, but either way it is read by DH as catastrophic, must have drink. And off we go again. So I ain't holding my breath, but we will see and hope...a little, that it sticks this time.

Anyway, sorry for the generally depressing post. But I am a generally depressed mood...I promise to come and tell you about the chickens and other fun, happy stuff when the rain lets up.

Later,
Em

Okay...so...

2007-10-01T18:31:00.000-05:00

That weekend of writing never came around...it was horribly blockaded by a mad dash to remember all things Biology so that I could teach kids biology without screwing them up completely.

I have gotten a semi-permanent subbing position so it involves actual teaching, which is awesome but highly time consuming. But at least I am getting great experience and great references. So anyway that is why I haven't been writing...

Now back to my regularly scheduled cram session!

Later,
Em

Quick Note

2007-09-21T21:54:00.000-05:00

Okay, I know it has been awhile since I posted...and I really do have a lot to write about, but it is one of those things that I have soooo much to say that I am not saying anything. So I plan on sitting down and posting everything very soon. Maybe even this weekend...so here is what to come...

1) The trip to New York (AWESOME!)
2) Teaching Update (And the job search continues)
3) Chickens and Eggs...Lots and lots of eggs
4) The Joys of Chicken discovering how to jump a 6 foot fence
5) Languages are fun! (Teaching myself Latin and refreshing once known Spanish)
6) The Ongoing Saga of DH and his Drinking...this time he has got to stop

And I am sure there is even more that my allergy addled brain can't think of right now...so I will hopefully go get some sleep and then get some of this down soon...

Later,
Em

Working=New Toy!!!

2007-09-06T09:01:00.000-05:00

I got a new camera!!!! A digital SLR! For those non-photographers those are the big cameras with changeable lens. DH and I are going to New York City tomorrow and since he had dropped my digital point and shoot (P&S) a few months ago, he told me I could get a new digital camera for the trip.

SO I go to the store and call him like this is how much the P&S ones are...and he response is "Oh, I thought you wanted the SLR digital."

At which I quickly responded, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I CAN GET ONE OF THOSE!!!"

"Well, it doesn't make since to get something lesser if you want the SLR."

"Yeah, I do want the SLR but it is 3 or 4 times more expensive."

"Yeah, well, Happy 'You got a f^@&in job'!"

So a few hundred dollars later, I have a digital SLR! And now I can have all the control I want AND be able to see if I got the shot without waiting for film!

Now if only I can figure out how to post the damn pics! :)

I am the Evil Substitute!

2007-08-31T16:31:00.000-05:00

Well, I did it. My first time in a classroom...as a substitute. Not the job I want or need, but a job nonetheless. And experience is always good.

And I did not realize what a valuable tool reading glasses can be. You should try this if you have glasses of any type...slide them towards the end of your nose so you can just see over the rim...now don't you feel hawkish and evil? [evil snicker] Well if you don't, you might not be doing it right...or maybe you need 25 senior students in front of you falling silent. [evil grin] And who knew that every trick in the book is still the same as when I was in High School...I figured it out the kids change, but the ideas all stay the same. Who knew? I guess I figured these kids are more worldly and adult like...but they still use the same ol' "I was just discussing the assignment" when they get caught chatting.

Anyway, I figure the worst is over now. If I can handle Seniors on a Friday before a long weekend....sixth graders should be a snap!

Why the H#!! can't we talk to people anymore!!!

2007-08-30T09:39:00.000-05:00

Why is EVERYTHING online/recorded phone system/other automated devices? Why can't we talk to another person?

I know there is a slight irony in me ranting about this on a blog. However, there is no pressing need that someone discuss this with me, there is no immediate need that a person be on the other end. However, when there is a job involved or immediate need to find out something about say your bank account, there REALLY should be a person on the other end of the phone!

Okay that is my rant...I am stepping off the soapbox now.

And now the high wears off...

2007-08-26T19:46:00.000-05:00

Well I passed the test, and I am VERY excited about that. But now the high has worn down a little and I am facing the fact that I STILL do not have a job. The school year starts tomorrow for the kids...meaning if I get hired now I will be behind the Eight Ball. That does NOT mean that I don't want to be hired...in fact I think the challenge might be some fun after the daily blah of not having much to do.

But anyway the reason I am here...I NEED A JOB! Please will all of you, my loyal readers, please help me put this need to the universe in whatever form you choose. And please leave a comment for whatever you would like put to the universe and I will help you out...you know fair trade and all that! :) Thanks.

Later days,
Emerald

I DID IT!!!!!!!

2007-08-24T00:53:00.000-05:00

I PASSED THE TEST!!!!!!!!!! 278 out of 300! WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Looks like...

2007-08-19T16:27:00.000-05:00

Scarlett is going to be next in the egg laying! She was nesting today and her comb and jowls are getting very red ( I think I had mentioned before, but if not, the comb and jowls getting red is a sign of maturity and getting ready to lay!).

BTW, the eggs that Hen lays everyday are amazing! They are super tasty! I am now a firm believer in the greatness of home raised eggs.

Slowly going insane...

2007-08-17T21:34:00.000-05:00

All this free time is KILLING ME! I am tired of not having anything to do...and I actually WANT a job. The only good thing about all this free time is that I have had time to start learning Latin, teach myself Calculus (the one subject that killed my GPA) and work on my teaching stuff that is online. Today, in fact, I had a proper "school" day for myself.

It started with a nice healthy brain-builder of a breakfast. Then a calculus lesson, then a Latin lesson (I can now say "The mule walks in the woods. The mule does not like the woods." and other relatively useless phrases about mules and the woods). Then I moved on to a philosophy reading, then a piano lesson. Yes, as you can see I am bored.

The best thing I can say about all of this is that all of these things are things I want to learn and will prove useful when I go back to get my PhD. We (DH and I that is) have decided to give it a year on the moving. For one really basic reason, we can't afford it right now. But a minor secondary reason is that I have to finish my teaching program or pay for it anyway. So it is best to just go on through it.

So for now, I am staying put and desperately seeking a teaching position (as well as STILL waiting for the results of my first cert test).

Eggs!!!!

2007-08-13T14:05:00.000-05:00

Well, the one of the girls has started laying eggs! The one we thought was the oldest proved us right last week. She has lain one everyday with one exception which apparently is common for a hen to "take a day off" every once in a while.

And they all seem to have fallen into the pattern of egg equals out. So they are all three very vocal about Hen's morning work being done. It is very funny. The three of them stand at the gate of their yard, yelling at me as I walk outside. I can very clearly understand what they are saying, "Hey, Hen's done, there's an egg already. Will you PLEASE GET US THE HELL OUTTA HERE............NOW!!!" They obviously really like running free in the yard, and I let them have the yard for most of the day, since I have started taking Will and B on walks in the afternoons and so they don't need to be able to run around in the back as much.

It has been pretty hot these past few days so DH and I wanted to make sure the hens didn't get too uncomfortable, so we bought them a fan that can move the air in the coop for them, basically enough to keep them from becoming roasted chicken. They did not care for it when we first turned it on (seeing as sounded something akin to a small jet engine taking off), but once they discovered its cooling potential they have allowed it to remain in their presence. They are fully maintaining their "Southern Belle" status.

Hitting "enlarge" again...

2007-08-08T00:16:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, while studying for my teacher's certification exam (which I took this past Saturday and won't have any clue of how I did for THREE weeks!) I found myself hitting the enlarge the font shortcut on my keyboard...like three or four times! So I decided it was time to stop playing around and get my butt to the optometrist. I have had ( and tried to get away without wearing) glasses since I was about 14. And it had been about three years since I last went to the doc and about two years since I had worn the glasses I had gotten then. (Not good I know)

So off I went...I thought "Oh it won't be too bad. Probably just need something to help when I am reading, that is all!" YEAH RIGHT! Turns out I am blind...not as blind as a bat...but blinder than I thought I was. The thing is that my left eye doesn't see very well so my right eye takes over (thus why I think I can see okay)...then the right eye tires out and...viola! I am hitting the "enlarge" button again.

So the doc provides me with a prescription that is actually less than the one I need...cause, in his words, "[I] would hate [him] if [he] gave [me] what [I] really needed." Basically, I would never return to his bright shiny office of things that tell me my eyes suck!

So I traipse off the the Eyemaster's next door and purchase my shiny new specs. And then proceed to gradually incorporate them into daily constant wear. Surprisingly, I can see sharp edges again!

But over the past few nights I have found myself hitting the "enlarge" button. (He told me this might happen.) It looks like I will be going by way of my mother...and have a separate pair of... {cringe} Reading Glasses. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Oh well, I guess this is what I get after years of reading into the wee hours of the morning. And if I wish to continue my beloved past time, it appears that I am going to have to get over the fact that I am turning very solidly into my mother...at least the doc isn't suggesting bifocals...yet.

Just when...

2007-08-03T01:27:00.000-05:00

Just when I am getting happy with where I am and what I am doing, DH goes and throws a curve ball.

For the past few months, we have been discussing what we will be doing for the next few years. You know general couple discussions. Well, we had come to the conclusion that I should go through getting my teacher's certification and teach in grade school for a few years before I go back to get my PhD. I want to get my PhD in Philosophy and ultimately teach at a college. This was to accomplish the goal of getting rid of the debt I had built in school the first time around and get rid of the little of "regular" debt we have as well before I throw myself into yet another four years of school. So that is what I have wrapped my head around...I have gotten excited about having a classroom full of pre-teens hopefully ready to learn.

Then, DH's curve ball...He has been traveling for work for the past three weeks (to the corporate office) and has been getting the usual joking, picking and ragging about not living there. So he calls me the other night and starts in on the university that is near the office. Does it have the program I want? Would I want to go there? Would I be willing to go with him next week and meet with people there? And he actually says, when I mention the debt and the fact that we had decided I should work for a while to help get rid of it, "I don't care, I just want you to either work or be in school, either way." WHAT!!! The money man, that one that has been bitchin' about debt and money, is saying that I can go to school instead of making more money????

All of that is great, don't get me wrong. I REALLY want to go back school, that is why I want to be a teacher, well really a college professor, because that is the only way that I get to be a student forever. And I want nothing more than to get on with the school...but I had stopped looking at schools, stopped looking at class listings, stopped looking at the things I want to learn...and I started learning what is needed for classroom teaching and put my desires away for a while.

Basically, I did this to keep myself sane. If I had continued looking at class listings, it would have made me crazy. Proof of what I could be doing, or things that I should be learning, just general excitement to me :) that would push me over the edge, while I was biding my time to get to go back to the good ol' college campus. But now, DH calls me and begs me to go to the college site and see if what they have is what I want...Sigh...I am back to yearning to be in a classroom...a college classroom...and to be learning.

And all of this is happening three days before I have to take a test for my certification...:( I am sure that DH will get back here and realize that it isn't feasible to move right now in this market and with the debt that we have, and I will be back to practical. Which is fine, and it is still on the path to where I want to go, it will just take a little longer to get there. But now I have to come back down from the contact high that I get from a college course catalog.

Remodeling is fun! And VERY hard!

2007-07-24T22:52:00.000-05:00

So I have spent the past four days with my mom remodeling my kitchen...well taking off the multiple layers of wallpaper and painting. Sounds simple, right? Well you would be wrong...what we thought would be a simple 2 day job turned into a four day expedition, or a 4-trip to Home Depot job. Whichever you choose to call it.

We started off thinking we would just take down the wallpaper (that we thought was only two layers thick) and then paint and be through...nope. There were six layers of wallpaper and some of them were painted (which proved harder to remove in some places). Then there was a hideous mirror, a la 1970's trailer style, that had to come down, but it managed to pull the sheetrock's paper almost completely off, leaving nice bubble spots that had to be spackled. And I am not saying a typical spackle spot...I mean an entire 4x8 foot area of the wall! But it is all finally done and I spent today cleaning and reorganizing the kitchen and it finally looks like MY kitchen! We have lived here for 6 years and finally the kitchen (were I spend most of my time) looks like me!

It now has yellow walls (and I mean yellow, like a lemon) and this really cool back splash. It looks like the old time-y pressed tin panels but it is plastic, so very easy to clean! Mom spotted it on one of the many trips to Home Depot and it is PERFECT! I love it. I am very lucky Mom came along to help with all of this because I would have never gotten it done...and we would be living on take out forever! :)

Summer Cleaning

2007-07-13T13:17:00.000-05:00

Well I have gotten the cleaning bug. It all started when our neighbor offered us his piano (he is moving and can't take it with him). So that meant I had to find a place to put it, which meant shifting everything around...and since I was doing that might as well clean the floors and floorboards while the space is empty. SO for the entire week I have been moving, shifting, rearranging and cleaning.

Luckily I am even in the mood to clean the rest of the house where things are not getting shifted around. I guess having two rooms sparkling makes me want it all to sparkle. I have also managed to get the lingering scent of Chloe (my Satan cat that I finally had to give away...she didn't do well with other animals) out of the house. Unfortunately that meant throwing away a really nice rug...but it could not be cleaned anymore. The cleaning guy told me that if he cleaned it again it would literally fall apart. OH well...I got a Wally World special to replace it...that way if one of the current kitties gets mad, I don't have to throw away $500 worth of rug again.

My room is now officially my office. I have moved my clutter catcher (my desk) from the front to where I will use it. The front is where the piano will soon be sitting. :) I did put away my altar stuff, and the altar is now just a coffee table in the corner of the room sporting my stereo and scrap booking stuff. My altar items are in storage boxes underneath it and can be easily accessed. It was quite funny talking to my mom about moving everything around. You could hear the hope in her voice that I may have moved out of a "phase." Of course I am just letting her be hopeful, I figure we didn't really talk about it before so why now.

Speaking of Mom, she has offered to come visit and help me un-wallpaper the kitchen! YAY!!!! I am very excited. We have lived in this house for six years and the wallpaper has bugged me everyday of it. But it is too big of a project for just me. I have painted every other room in the house, except for the kitchen and the two bathrooms (they are wallpapered too). So once I get the kitchen done,I am two small rooms away from this being MY house completely. Meaning my decorations, style, and personality. Not just make do until I get time to do it.

Well that is all the time I have for now. I have to go pick up the furniture dollies to move the piano. And get some more cleaning supplies...it is amazing how many dust cloths and mop heads, and how much cleaning solution one can go through when cleaning a 1400 square foot house! Well I guess the fur may complicate my house a little! :)

Later,
Em

Getting used to alone

2007-07-04T20:55:00.000-05:00

So it is the Fourth of July...at 8:55pm and I am at home with the babies...alone. Thats right, no bbq, no fireworks, no nothing. DH is out doing a fire watch for a fireworks show with his radio guys (oh he has a new hobby of HAM radio). So you ask why the hell aren't you there with him? Well that is just it, I could be there but not with him...you have to be in the group to go and stand that close to where things might fall on your head. So I could have gone and fought the crowds ALONE...and that makes you feel that much more alone. So here I sit. I am planning a nice little spa night with a brand new Joss Stone cd. (BTW, she ROCKS!)

All of this is to say that I am getting used to being alone. It gives you time to think. And in my case, study and HOPE for a nice middle school teaching position. The thing that is mildly disturbing is the fact that I am alone in a house with a DH right there. How the hell are you alone when there is another human right there? Almost all the time. That is very disturbing, how the hell did we get here...in the same house yet alone. It is sad.

To add to this, I have lost myself...at least my religion. I am actually considering putting away my altar. Not getting rid of it, just putting away the stuff for a while. I am still pagan, but I just don't want the stuff right now. I guess I need to be alone.

Back to two hands

2007-06-22T13:36:00.000-05:00

Well I have had a week of rest on the wrist and shoulder and they are doing much better. I am still not using my arm for picking up heavy items...but I should be able to next week. My chiropractor said that I overstretched the nerve in my shoulder and then managed to re-injure it a couple of times and that is why the pain moved down to my wrist. Oh well. At least it seems to be better now.

As to everything else, I have started a small library that will go into my classroom once I am hired and given one. :) I am not sure I have mentioned this...I am applying to be a middle school teacher. I have started an online alternative certification program and I am hoping to have a teaching position this coming school year. So yes I have come full circle and I now fully embrace my teaching side. Like I have said before it easier to embrace it rather than it continually kicking me in the @ss.

So off I go into the unseen future....
Later,
Em

Typing with one hand...almost

2007-06-17T22:20:00.000-05:00

So I have managed to do something to my wrist...my right wrist! :( So I am trying my best to keep my hand immobilized to let it get better, it is basically doing the shift key for caps and question marks. The thing that sucks is I have no idea what I did to the thing...I didn't do anything remarkable or memorable. <> Oh well...hopefully a couple days in a wrist wrap will fix it. Well that and a visit to my chiropractor! :)

Gardening and the other past stuff that got left out

2007-06-11T15:25:00.000-05:00

In my philosophical ick of last post, I didn't get to update all the other stuff that has happened over this period of silence.

First, gardening. The peaches seem to have bitten the dust. And the garden boxes aren't finished yet. These are both due to the same thing...a weeks worth of very heavy, very total and complete thunderstorms. Not spring showers, spring dumps! The rain, while badly needed, really didn't have to come all at once. Within two days, all the local lakes, ponds and rivers were full and near flood point. Unfortunately my backyard is sometimes classified as a pond. For some reason it holds water. Effectively drowning my peach tree! :( My other plants did well enough, since most are in pots and I could just take them out of the bases to drain through. The garden boxes aren't built because the use of power tools in a pond is not suggested. :) SO hopefully they will get built this week.

DH has to finish the chicken coop so I should be able to get the boxes done at the same time. The girls are getting VERY big, they are almost full grown and are fully feathered now (which they may not be very happy about in this heat). We have discovered they have a love for lettuce, apples, celery and watermelon! Watermelon is by far their favorite, they eat it right down to the skin (they eat the white pith too!). Currently, they are scavenging in the backyard. I just mowed and they like getting all the good bugs I turn up. Worms, YUMMY! :)

In the music world, my friend Serenity Springs listed a new singer on her site AND WOW!!!! I love her for turning me onto Amy Winehouse. This girl is amazing. Especially if you like soul, blues-y, big band stuff. Amy Winehouse has serious vocal power! WOW.

Another discovery another friend put me onto is www.pandora.com. It is this amazing free radio site. You can put in the name of a group or song you like and then it plays music that matches what you put in. It is great for those days you just want to listen to something but not the stuff you have...or if you just want some randomness in your music. Plus it is a great way to discover new music that matches the stuff you really love.

I think my group is pretty much done for...partly because of scheduling. But mostly because of the stuff I talked about last post. A crisis in your beliefs is not conducive to guiding others. I have to find my way again before I can get a group going again.

Well I guess that is about it for now. I am off to the shower...just got done in the yard and I am ICKY!

Later,
Em

Well...

2007-06-10T15:46:00.000-05:00

I am soooo sorry that I have gone into complete hiding as of late. After graduation, I have been lost in what to do, and have ended up not doing much at all. I have succeeded in getting accepted into a alternative teaching certification program and I have decided to teach 6-8 grade, reading/English, history or social studies (depending on what I get hired to do). And that is pretty much it.

I have been hanging out, getting a butt load of reading done. I have found The Teaching Company and its extensive array of DVD lectures that have provided learning and entertainment. And YES I did say learning...I miss school. A LOT. More than I thought was possible. The books I have been reading have been philosophy stuff (as well as some "fun" stuff too). But I think the philosophy is fun and interesting. And it has given me a lot of reflecting to do, and a lot of questioning too. And that is probably why I haven't been here much.

It is hard to think this stuff out, much less write it out. I have tried talking it out, thinking it out, dreaming it out, and writing it out...and none has made anything any clearer. But I think that is the way it is supposed to go. Read something, think about it, see where it fits within your beliefs or if it even does fit, and if it doesn't is it something you want to add to your beliefs. Will this change your beliefs? Will your beliefs hold up to what you add? If they don't are they really worth it?

So there you go. That is a peak into what is going on in my brain, and it is just a peak...a full view would lead even the sane-ist of people to the way of madness. And I don't want to be held responsible to adding to the crazies of the world.

I promise to try and be better about keeping you filled in.

Later days,
E

Almost there...

2007-04-27T14:37:00.000-05:00

Well guys, I know I have been terribly quiet lately. But I swear it is for a good cause! And I am ALMOST DONE!!! One more paper (which is 2/3's done) and then I am finished! YAY!!!!

I just thought I would stop in and give a bit of an update and some random stuff that has piled up while I have been kicking @ss.

First the family has grown...by three. Three chicks...literally chicks as in baby chickens. In our attempt to be more organic and my attempt at being a gardener, we have decided that chickens would be a great benefit. They (all are female) will lay eggs for us, eat the pesties that my organic attempts at pesticide don't get and they will provide ample fodder for my compost pile. And they up the cute factor in the family too. (If someone could tell me how to post a damn picture on here I would share the cuteness.) They are all little Southern ladies, with the names to match. There is an Orphington Buff named Henrietta (couldn't pass that up!), a Production Red named Scarlett (get it? she is red) and a Barred Rock named Georgette (that means "earth worker" fits for a chicken that is responsible for taring up the yard!). It will be about 6 months before we get our first eggs, but after they start laying we should get about a dozen and a half a week. Any one got any good egg recipes? :)

Okay lets see, what else? Oh I have found a great singer!!! Regina Spektor. She rocks and she has a cool history too. Her music is very funky alternative, with great lyrics and piano, and cool vocals. And she happens to be perfect to study too! LOL Of course now I figure that out.

On to gardening, my bumper crops are still bumping. My sweet basil has managed to recover from whatever it was that was ailing it (I think it was the cold snap...remember when it SNOWED on Easter) and my nasturtiums have started to bloom. Peaches are big enough that I can see them on the tree from across the yard...I can't wait to taste them! YUMMY! I have planted my first two garden boxes, with blackberries and purple potatoes (for those of you that are rolling your eyes right now, yes I have to have everything in purple...and they were the best looking of the seed potatoes available). I am planning on a total of 8 boxes but I have to finish building them...that will be for next week...actually starting Monday at noon!

As far as my group is...well it hasn't been much lately. We have all been involved in life (I am assuming that for the ones I haven't heard from, hope all is well) and obviously I have put most, scratch that, all of my stuff on the back burner until I am done with school. So we haven't gotten together of late.

Well that is all my hands can handle for the typing...gotta save some for later too! :)

Later days!
Em

Quiet=Graduate

2007-04-02T14:58:00.000-05:00

I have been so busy! I am trying to graduate...may have mentioned that once or twice before. :) But that requires writing a 30 to 40 page paper that is due (in first draft form) on Friday...yes the one that is currently barrelling towards us at a very disturbing pace. Also in the mean time I have found a love for gardening and yard work, and unfortunately it is MUCH more alluring than old dusty books about the democratization of Eastern Europe.

So far, I have managed a thriving (never thought I would be able to use that word in relation to me and gardening) bed of impatiens, an ever growing bed of culinary and tea herbs, four pots of different types of mint, a pot of tomatoes that have started to bud, a pot of jalapenos, three indoor potted plants and a brand new peach tree! More is on the way! Heck I might even figure out how to post pics on here and let you see what I have done. DH has helped a lot too...in fact he was the main force behind getting and digging the huge hole required for planting the peach tree. And more is on the way...I am planning a garden in the backyard.

The other discovery I have made in gardening (other than I can actually do this) is organic gardening isn't that hard nor does it mean that you have to live with bad little pesties. Compost does ALOT, you can use a mixture of compost called compost tea and mix with things like molasses or citrus oil and get rid of a number of gross little pesties that like to munch on plants. You also get to release fun bugs like praying mantis and ladybugs that are able to feast on some of the little beasties as well.

I will try to post the link for my favorite new organic sources in case any one is interested in joining me on this lovely trip to further hippie-dom. :)

Now back to the boring, keep me inside, reading dusty old books paper...that MUST GET DONE so I can get the hell outta here!

So I know I have been quiet lately...

2007-03-09T00:25:00.000-06:00

but WOW have I been busy! I am trying to figure out what to do with my life. What direction is best right now for what I want to do down the line, and that ain't no easy figurin'. On top of that is school (last semester), the papers that go along with that, family, the group (YES we will meet soon, even if I must drag you all kicking and screaming), pups and kitties (which I am up to 5 cats now and it will be staying that way, DH has been informed), and all other bits and pieces that can slowly drive one insane.

Now first to what direction I am heading...well the PhD is still the chosen path, however I feel it may be necessary to take a round-about method of getting there. I am afraid that the deadlines have past at the schools I would have preferred and they are all not anywhere near me and we are in no way or shape able to move right now. SOOOOO...the original plan was to go to my current campus for the PhD...but the more I think about that the worse it sounds. There is the problem of academic incest (yes that is a term used by people, and refers to getting all your letters aka degrees from the same school, I didn't know what it was either), which seems to be a bigger issue than first imagined. Then there is the issue that my school doesn't offer exactly what I want...so no sense in fighting though to get something I don't want, right?

So now for the round-about part...I am thinking of getting my teacher's cert and teaching high school...yes I am insane...and no so far no one has laughed at this idea...at least to my face. Okay so take a second to catch your breathe...

My logic is this. This gives me a way to make money, gain teaching experience, and allows for DH to be able to go back to get his masters...at which point he gets a job in the field he WANTS to be in and then I can pick my school and back for the PhD...of course this also gives us time to get to a position of being able to be mobile across the nation, which in turn gives me the school I want and program I need. It does sound like a win-win-win...right? And I did say I was going to stop running from being a teacher.

Okay, so with that out...here is some more randomness...

Yes, I now have 5 cats. Tigg and Raff, whom I have spoke of before, And the new 3. Baby, Punkin, and Candy. I believe I may have previously referenced them with a promise to fill you in so here I go.

Baby (mom of the other two) adopted me. She carefully pushed her way into my heart and brought a few litters of kittens along with her. I raised them (the litters) and then did the only thing I could do, took them to the ASPCA. Then this past Labor Day (this is ironic, you will see in a minute) Baby came to me covered in motor oil! So I took her inside and gave her 4 baths (and yes she let me) and decided that since I had her in and I had the money, I was going to take her to the vet on Tuesday (it being labor Day and all the vet wasn't in on Monday). Sooooo....I call on Tuesday morning make the appointment, go check on Baby and here is the ironic part, she was in labor! Two kittens, a cancelled appointment and a few months later...I have 5 cats, inside co-existing happily. And as I said DH has been informed that this house will remain so. :) Everyone is spayed or neutered, so no more kitties for us (thank the Goddess). But I am happy with my home now. It is perfectly full again. (And easier to take care of than the last time I had this many...cause now it is only the cats' litter boxes to clean, rather than cat, ferret and bird...that was work!)

Okay so I am thinking that I have rambled on and bored you all quite enough.

Later days-
Em

Weddings are fun...

2007-02-21T12:39:00.000-06:00

especially when you have the most incompetent wedding coordinator in Florida.

Well I am back from my weekend jaunt to Flordia for my best friend's wedding. It was great! She and I spent the majority of our time giggling and laughing and reliving old times, which was my ploy to keep her unstressed. (Which apparently I did very well, I have never had so many people tell me what a great job I did...and I didn't even think I was working!)

The unfortunate wedding coordinator didn't even sour our moods. We managed to turn her and her incompetence into a great series of jokes that will be remembered forever. All I will say is if you ever plan to marry in Pensacola, DO NOT USE THE INCLUDED WEDDING COORDINATOR! It would be worth the money to get someone else!

Now that I am back, it is time to get on schedule. The tri I was shooting for is full so my first tri is going to be a little further into the season, but that is okay. I want a little more time to train, seeing as how I have been in the slacker category for the past couple of weeks. School really gets in the way sometimes, you know?

And it all comes together in the end...

2007-02-12T10:30:00.000-06:00

Well I have finished the paper that is due this afternoon and have an introduction for the one for tomorrow. YAY! And I even got to sleep some! Imagine that...

Now it is time for a short break and a few updates. First, have mentioned this is my last semester...then I move into Grad School torture. If I haven't now I have. But this leads me to the first topic...Graduation. Why is it that this idea freaks me out so thoroughly. It is not like anything is going to change really, I am planning on staying at the same college, I will be living in the same place. Still be around my friends and family but somehow graduation is freaking me out! *sigh* Probably has something to do with this craziness I call my brain.

Next, my training seems to have ground to a halt. At first, I had that neck issue/injury. Then, well I just haven't gotten going again. Between the weather, school and the random freak outs (see above), I just haven't gotten moving again. I am still getting my Yoga classes and home practices in, which is good. Yoga is the one thing that actually helps the freak outs go away, something about the breathing. If you remember to breathe, you don't tend to hyperventilate as easily.

Finally, I get to go to my best-friend-from-high-school's wedding this weekend. In fact I am in it. I am very excited about being able to go see her and meet her soon-to-be-hubby. DH got my ticket (round trip) for $5! (Plus a lot of frequent flier miles, but hey it still just $5!) So I will get to see my friend for the cost of a value meal! Don't ya just love bargains!

Anyway, back to that second paper I go. Hopefully all freak outs will remain at bay until it is finished! *crossing fingers*

Again with the procrastination...

2007-02-11T17:42:00.000-06:00

Yes I am up to it again. But this time I am trying to get my brain to get moving. I have been staring at the computer for the last 3 hours and I have the grand total of one paragraph actually saved. Although I have typed the equivalent of about 3 pages and deleted it...too soapbox-y.

Anyway, now I am trying that whole "just start writing" thing. But since I don't want to delete yet more words, I am putting them here. So if this randomly moves off to the politics of motherhood or an examination of judicial intervention in war powers you should understand. Count yourself as warned.

The thing that sucks monkey balls is that I have the answers in my head, really they are there, but they refuse to be transmitted to a medium that is acceptable to my teachers as an assignment. I think they would be slightly frightened if I turned in a small portion of my brains and said "There, it is all in there. And apparently political science DOES require brain surgery! What is my name again?"

Ah the joys of the wild and crazy thoughts that my brain harbors. Believe me it is a scary place, my brain. One second it is making perfect sense then the next it is contemplating the joys of jazzerise and if we should try it out. Or some other strange something...as Lorelai Gilmore says "monkey, monkey, underpants." Yes, my brain is a strange place indeed.

Have you ever...

2007-02-10T23:28:00.000-06:00

had something to do, say a paper or papers for school, that you just did not want to do so you found every possible way to procrastinate?

Well I am a master at the aforementioned dilemma. In fact this is one of my ingenious ways to avoid working on aforementioned papers. I have got to work on these papers, unfortunately I find contemplating the universe and all the stupidity within it much more important.

Pain hurts

2007-01-31T22:58:00.000-06:00

Okay I know that is...well...it is what it is. But it is true.

There is physical pain. A pain in the neck or arm or leg. I am specifically experiencing a combination of neck and shoulder pain. It is driving me batty and severely limiting my training for the upcoming triathalon. But I am dealing with it and I will get though it...before the race! But physical pain is almost easy compared to its sibling...

Emotional pain.

My great uncle recently passed away. In fact I leave tomorrow to go to his funeral. And while I truly believe he is in a better place and is no longer experiencing ANY pain, the emotional pain left behind with my great aunt is hard and heavy.

My great uncle was a very strong, caring, loving man. He was like a second grandfather to me (well I guess third if you are counting both sides of the family, either way he was special). My great aunt, I am afraid, is carrying the worst of the emotional pain. Because she was the one with him all the time, she was the one who had to watch daily as this great big loving man slowly lost his mind and then his body. In his death, I see release for him, peace and a place where he is whole again. But in his death, I also see the pain in my great aunt's eyes from losing the one and only love of her life. That is why it is the emotional pain that is the worst.

My shoulder will heal and fairly soon as long as I don't do anything stupid. But my aunt's pain is not so easy a wound to fix. She can't just put a salve on the cut, or take an aspirin for the ache. She has her son, her family, her friends. But we cannot expect to take the place of a big strong and sometimes grumpy old man who would sit in his chair and threaten to "throw us in the pond," and laugh like that was the best joke in the world.

We love you, Daddy R! And will miss you. I am glad you are in a better place. And you better be good or I am sure someone there will throw you in the pond!

Tigg, the snaggle-toothed cat

2007-01-24T21:14:00.000-06:00

Well that is that. Tigg lost the tooth. Rather it was cut out by the vet. It was so infected the vet had to fill it with antibiotics and stitch it up. He is resting now and enjoying all the soft food he can stuff himself with, so all is well. I feel slightly better now that Tigg is doing better.

Note to self: Check all my babies' mouths REGULARLY!

Update

2007-01-21T21:10:00.000-06:00

My advisor still sucks...still screwed up...but at least did try to fix it. But no go...I am not going to get my minor. Oh well. This means I get to drop one of my classes now and have more time for my research.

Which I must get back to now! :)

Later days!

Sometimes I feel like a horrible mommy

2007-01-20T18:51:00.000-06:00

*sigh* My poor old boy, Tigg, has a very badly infected tooth...like to the point that the gums are moving down the tooth and the tooth itself is very soft. And I only found it today! And of course the vet wasn't going to be there this afternoon. SO my poor baby has to wait until Monday. Poor guy! I feel so bad for him, I know it hurts. Thank the Goddess that I have been feeding everybody soft food lately...or he would not have been able to eat at all! :(

Ahh the joys of life

2007-01-19T10:15:00.000-06:00

The crack sound my back makes at the chiropractor's office.

A voice mail from my DH wondering if I am okay, because I was running late after a workout.

A new pair of running shoes, all shiny, white and begging to be dirty!

B's reaction when I return home...no matter how long I have been gone, to her it has been FOREVER!

A new gadget that will hold my iPod as I drive...that DH got for a steal on eBay after I mentioned I wanted one.

Will's reaction after I get home...much like B's but a little more dignified.

A perfect cup of tea...any flavor will do but cinnamon is my current favorite.

The sound of kittens playing (yes I have added to the clan or rather it grew, remind me and I will fill you in later!)

A hot shower.

Chocolate scented soap and lotion (for in and after that hot shower)

A warm cozy blanket in front of a fire...it helps if the blanket is feather stuffed and purple (my favorite color).

The feeling you get from running 3 miles on a really cold day...the reactions from others are pretty cool too! :)

Okay now don't get used to this...

2007-01-15T21:52:00.000-06:00

Wow I have really been updating a fair amount lately, BUT I am not promising it will continue. I will try though.

Well, DH and I had a wonderful dinner for my birthday. I had grilled lamb chops and he had sole with a lobster sauce. YUM!

Anyway now I am on full tri training. Wanna know how you know if you are on true full tri training? You go for a 3 mile run in the FREEZING cold and have to avoid icy patches on the road so you don't fall and blow the season before it even starts!

Tomorrow I am getting up to swim (yes, swim but in an indoor pool) at 5:30 am...then go to class then go to yoga for an hour tomorrow night. Yoga is actually the "easy" workout.

I am back to eating all the time. But all the right stuff, you have to fuel those workouts. They each burn about 600 calories, now you see why I eat all the time.

I am not sure if I ever posted where I started. The highest I ever weighed on the scale was 255 BUT I was bigger than that, I just didn't want to see where I really was so I started losing then weighed a few weeks into it. And I am currently down to 215 and down 4 pants sizes. I am pretty proud of me. I didn't even feel guilty about eating my b-day cake...I knew I would burn it off quickly. :)

Well I best hit the sack, so I will be able to stand/swim in the morning.

Later days
Emerald

Crappy weather sucks!

2007-01-13T16:02:00.000-06:00

It is my birthday and the Gods remembered! :) They like sending crappy weather to me on my birthday, They think it is fun! lol

Actually it isn't too bad because now I get to go to a nice restaurant nearby (that I wouldn't have thought of had I not been distance-restrained) and then curl up with DH and the pups in front of a fire! YAY! :) I am sure the cats will join in too if it fits their schedule!

SO I am off to get dressed for dinner. We are going early so we don't get stuck out too late. Late+Rain+Cold+Stupid Texas Drivers= VERY BAD

Then when we get home I get to have birthday cake that my friend's very sweet mom made for me. It is PURPLE (my favorite color) and it has a fudge icing FILLING! Not to mention the ever so yummy creamy icing on top! YUM! And just so you all know...Birthday cake has exactly NO calories and NO fat! lol

Later days!
Emerald

Advisors DO NOT advise...

2007-01-12T11:46:00.000-06:00

...they screw up your life! (Okay, maybe not my whole life, but certainly a part of it!) I am speaking of college advisors. Today I found out that what I had figured out class-wise was RIGHT! My advisor was looking at a wrong copy of my classes completed list!

First let me say this is only concerning my minor...I CAN still graduate just not with credit for the extra work I have done! No Minor for me! Or I can delay my graduation until the summer for ONE FREAKIN CLASS (again in my minor).

SO how important is a minor? Not very is what most will say. But in my case, I feel it is important. I already have enough hours to get almost TWO degrees so I would at least like the minor! The problem is all those "extra" hours are in varied fields. History was the only one I was close to the minor requirements that is why I went that way! Now I am not going to get the DAMN THING! ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Okay rant complete.

Seen on Campus

2007-01-11T18:02:00.000-06:00

The best use ever for a head scarf:
as a "hands-free" cell phone holder. Just slide the top of the phone between ear and scarf, allowing the microphone of the phone to angle towards the cheek and mouth! Then viola! You have a hands free phone without the added cost of bluetooth!

Here we go again!

2007-01-11T17:53:00.000-06:00

ss the First I realize that just the other day I said DH was back to his old tricks again and he was and had been for a while. However, he informed me two days ago (while solidly in the state of drunkenness) that that was it, no mas! That night was to be his last hoo-rah (again). So now two days later I have found that it wasn't the alcohol talking, DH did mean he who as quitting again.(So I guess that the "don't do anything" approach worked?)

I am VERY happy about this and think it will be great for him. BUT now we get to go through bitchy-boy again! Can you guess why I am hold up in my room typing this? :/ Yeap! Bitchy-boy is back with a vengeance. In fact I am contemplating a dinner alone with my new school books.

Just thought you might want to know. :)

Later days!

Am I insane? Yes, yes I am!

2007-01-09T19:59:00.000-06:00

Who in their right mind gets up at 4:30 in the morning to workout? That's right NO ONE! However, in my insane mind it makes perfect sense (however, my body is disagreeing at the current moment). I have started back on my full triathlon-training schedule. Except now I have a tri club that I have joined and yes they work out at 5:30 am at my gym (hence the 4:30 reveille for me, gotta drive there).

The thing that is MASSIVELY surprising is the fact that honestly it isn't that bad. I am able to get things done before going to class and so when I get home I can actually have time to do "me" stuff and talk to DH instead of running around like a crazy person trying to straighten up the house or get to the grocery or whatever. Now I do these things in the wee hours of the morning, when no one (in my household) is awake...well except for maybe the cats but they don't tend to be too active after a night of clawing, prowling, and general destruction of the house.

The other benefit is that by the time I do go to bed at night (where I am about to head) I fall asleep...FAST. Something about being awake and burning a solid 600 to 700 calories first thing in the morning does something to you...like wear you the F@*# OUT! Head hits pillow I AM OUT! I have been told that my body will eventually get use to this idea of gettin up and at'em...it currently is putting up a fight and refusing that this will EVER occur but I plan to keep on it. IT WILL BEND TO MY WILL..........................................................................hopefully.

Ok so its been awhile...

2007-01-03T23:50:00.000-06:00

Sorry about that! I really did intend to update a bit more over the break that is now almost over. I do have a good reason though...my break wasn't nearly as uneventful as planned. For those of you who have been reading for a while (or for some reason was bored enough to go read the archives) you know that DH is an alcoholic and for a while he was not drinking. Well that is not the case now. He is back full force, I think worse, but he says he isn't. Anyway, I have been trying to figure out what to do. And tonight I discovered an interesting website that suggested that I do nothing.

Let me qualify that a bit. More that I should wait for him to want to do something and love him, not judge him in the mean time. The love part is not hard at all, because I do love him with all my heart. And I don't judge him for drinking, I understand that this is a disease over which he has no control. He is sick. It is the waiting for him to want to do something about it that is VERY difficult for me. If you are sick you go to the doctor, right? He is a very smart man, why can't he just go to the doctor?

The other part of the eventful and heart-breaking break was that my grandmother was diagnosed with a third type of cancer. She has had breast cancer and uterine cancer, and on Christmas day she went to the hospital with a blockage that the doctors thought was caused by the radiation for the uterine cancer. But it wasn't. It was colo-rectal cancer. They did surgery and believe that they got it all, but we are still waiting on the test results.

So all of this brings me to religion. (Just keep reading it will make sense in a minute, promise.)

Religious people usually pray when something happens. They pray for healing, for understanding of why something is happening, for strength to get through, for strength to handle what happens next. Praying happens in many ways; an unspoken plea, a lighted candle, a spell, mediation. I, like the rest of my family, have been doing a lot of praying lately. For good doctors, for good outcomes, for strength for me, the doctors, my family. And in this I have come to a conclusion? Realization? Epiphany?

I think there is a reason to pain and suffering. We need it. There is a reason why my grandmother, who is a devout Christian and NEVER second guesses what God may have planned, has had now 3 types of cancer and why she continues to survive and have faith. There is a reason my grandfather (also devout Christian) doesn't let her see him cry at the pain she suffers. And there is a reason that I continue to love a very broken and sick man.

Pain makes us question our beliefs. Suffering or watching someone we love suffer has a way of either strengthening our faith or challenging it. I am not saying that suffering is fun, it MOST definitely is NOT! I am just saying it is necessary. For some it tears their belief system to shreds, for others it makes it stronger; either way there is a chance to reevaluate beliefs, verify them. In a way this is the answer to the prayer for strength. It is that whole "be careful what you wish for" thing at work, so always remember to word your request wisely.

I am DONE!!! ( and other random thoughts)

2006-12-01T18:41:00.000-06:00

I am finished with this semester!!! YAY!!!!! Okay I am done now...on to random thoughts....

A couple of thoughts from school that I wanted to post and just haven't had time...
WHY does there always have to be "that guy" (or girl, in my case it was guy) in EVERY class? You know the one, the guy that asks the most random questions that ALWAYS confuses everyone including the professor. And why does he have to be in almost all of my classes? UGH! At least I don't have to deal with him for at least a month now (ok so I wasn't done yet! hehe)

Why do all the professors ask for papers (LONG papers) and insane finals/tests at the SAME TIME? Well I understand finals, they are constrained by the end of the semester there. But during the semester? No way is THAT required. Oh well I guess it doesn't matter now.........since it is over! :D hehehehehe (Now I am done, promise!)

Now for really random thoughts by Emerald
Why is it that DH MUST play with the dogs at MAXIMUM volume when I am trying to THINK!

Why do I get headaches? I am sure they are meant to signify something. I am blocked in my energy, over-worked, over-tired, over-something. While I am sure one or all of these apply, there seems to be a medical reason as well. DH and I went to the State Fair (I promise this is relavent) and found a booth for a chiropratic college in the area. And they were offering a fair special to get an initial exam and report of findings, so we did it....turns out it was a very good thing I did. DH is basically fine. I, on the other hand, am a freak of nature. Well not really but my necj is very messed up and no one can figure out why! Where I should have a nice little curve in my neck (spine), it is straight...well starting to curve the OTHER way actually. SO that is probably WHY I have headaches, long annoying persistent headaches. And hopefully once they have cracked everything back into place, I won't have them so often.

Ummmmm, I know there were more...apparently my randomness has left me. SIGH Maybe you will blessed with more soon. (I am not going to say anything about being done with this semester...oops :) But now I will at least have more time to write and catch up on here!)

Later days!
Emerald

Happy Turkey Day!

2006-11-23T16:48:00.000-06:00

Hello all! Happy Thanksgiving! Hope this finds you all either stuffed or preparing to be stuffed. I am of the latter. Dinner is almost done and the house smells heavenly. It is just me and DH this year...and of course all of the babies...I haven't updated on the animal front in a while. We currently are up to 5 cats (still just B and Will in the dog department). This outdoor cat that adopted me (I may have mentioned her before) moved in on Labor Day weekend because of a mishap with motor oil and on Tuesday morning, she added 2 more to the clan. Ok, now I will back away from the tangent....

I have been cooking most of the day. Don't get me wrong I haven't been doing THAT much work...but I do have a ham, dressing, greens, deviled eggs and I will making oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. YUMMY!

As for as the thankful part of today, I am thankful for a lot...for everything I have. DH, my babies, my friends, my health, my family, everything. Okay enough of the sappy stuff....

Besides it is time to go back to watching the Cowboys game!!!! And dinner is ready!

Later days!
Emerald

So I didn't make it back...

2006-11-04T20:04:00.000-06:00

Okay guys! Sorry I didn't make it back on Samhain...I was furiously typing a paper that I had to finish and then I was with my group pouring all of my energy into my feast. Anyway...Hope everyone had a beautiful holiday and are enjoying the fall weather.

I haven't had a training/weight stuff update in a while so...I am up to running a 5k (that's 3.1 miles!). And I actually run the whole thing. (Just in case I never mentioned it before the most I have ever ran at one time is the length of a basketball court!) DH and I are riding about 25 miles on the road bikes. I have been slacking a bit these past few weeks, school (as I mentioned before) has been a bit demanding. I am down to a size 14 (started at 22) pants! :D Yippee!

Well unfortunately it is time to work on yet another paper... Later days!

What a life...

2006-10-30T09:13:00.000-06:00

Busy, busy, busy...that is what my life is right now. I have wanted to post something for the past couple of weeks but actually have not had the time to type it all out. I don't really have the time now ( I am supposed to be preparing for a test that will occur at 12:30) I have determined that my teachers are all working together to make my and my fellow students' lives living HELLS! I swear they all make everything due at the same time! I am working on THREE papers and I already mentioned the test. Arrrrggghhhh!

Okay enough complaining....

SO Halloween is tomorrow. To all us Pagans it is called Samhain (pronounced Sah-wen). And it is our new year. I am hoping to have a post tomorrow that is more indepth. For right now, just remember to thank the Goddess and God for all the blessings in your life. Light a candle to guide the way for the spirits that will move through the veil (it also celebrates the God who will be transforming back to a child in the womb of the Mother, preparing for his return in Spring). And get together with your closest friends and celebrate!

Now back to my reglarly sceduled- over-scheduled life!

So that is what happens when your brain goes on vacation...

2006-10-05T14:33:00.000-05:00

You lose it...your brain, in the middle of a vitally important test. What you knew 2 seconds ago just isn't there anymore, gone to where ever that good-for-nothing-storage-device-thing has gone. Bermuda, perhaps? The Bahamas? Maybe some nice cozy little inn in the Scottish Highlands? I don't know but that ungrateful lump decided to run...right when I needed her BADLY!!!!

That is what happened to me last night (obviously in class). What I knew was no longer there...my brain just stopped working. I am sure I wrote something horribly wrong and turned it in, went home and went to bed...But it is all a haze. Now I believe that haze was the fog that filled the spot where my brain was supposed to reside...its futile attempt to leave a wisp of itself there so I could slightly function while she went where ever she went. Unfortunately she forgot the leave the information for the test! Sigh...Maybe she will at least bring back a souvenir for me.

The moral of this story...be nice to your brain, he or she CAN leave when they feel like it, and leave you to flounder in your own uselessness!

Exhaustion and Ritual

2006-09-26T13:38:00.000-05:00

School can bring on steady exhaustion all on its own. Now add a twice a day workout schedule, looming 5k race, general household duties and a group that needs to meet...and you have my point of exhaustion. Not that I complaining...okay well maybe I am a little. The thing is that this type of exhaustion I actually like. It means I am blessed with the pursuit of education, I am bettering myself and my health, and I have a life and friends. So I am okay with this exhaustion...and if anything the part from school will eventually be over (at least for a little while).

I realized I hadn't really posted anything spiritual lately. And isn't that just the way it goes? I am constantly mindful of my internal dialogue with the Gods and Goddesses, my prayers and conversations with them are ongoing. But sometimes there is just not enough time in the day for "practice." The thing is I think They understand that, They realize that I have school (They surely realize that that is usually what I am discussing with Them anyway!), They realize sometimes you just have to vacuum the floor, pick up the dishes, clean the litter boxes...

I believe it is the internal dialogue that is most important. The acknowledgment that They are a force in your life. That you can talk to them about anything, just like a best friend that will listen to you rant about some random thing, that is what They are. The practice part is important too...Ritual is part and long has been part of human life. Think about it...what did you do this morning? The same thing you did yesterday morning, or the morning before, or the morning before that? Exactly! We all have our little rituals, things we do the same way every time. Ever eat an Oreo? Or in the shower, do you shampoo, condition then wash, or wash then shampoo? Is there a well worn pattern in your day? There is your ritual...it may not be spiritual...but why can't it be?

I guess what I am getting at is find something that you can do in your everyday that is a ritual to whoever your higher power is. I can turn my vacuuming into a cleansing ritual for my home, remove the physical clutter along with the psychic clutter. Turn making my lunch into a prayer of gratitude that I have food to make my lunch. Instead of focusing on what I can't do (fit in a full circle, incense, candles and spells), I can focus on what I can do and what I can turn into a ritual.

So it doesn't matter that I am exhausted or that I "don't have time," I do have time I just have to change the way I think of time and how I use it. So go out there, find your ritual and make it spiritual.

And, yet, there are miles left to go...

2006-09-17T21:05:00.000-05:00

After spending the last three weeks or so, raving about the beauty of a road bike, DH finally asked for one. And OF course I wasn't going to say no! Now he could easily join me on my long ride days. Little did I know that he would push the meaning of a "long ride."

Yesterday, we head to the bike store, get him all fitted out, add all the gadgets and head home to hit the road. We plan on a relatively short ride around the neighborhoods to let him get used to the new steed...so out we go with the intention of riding about 12 miles and at 6pm that would be pushing the darkness limits of our non-night-safe steeds.

We hit the neighborhoods that have nice long streets where you can get good speed and steady cadence (for the non-cyclist, that is the name for peddling). We get to the end of those and DH shouts, "Take a left up here, I want to see what's back there!" Words I will live to despise!

To make a long, tortuous story short, at 9:15 pm and 27 miles later we pull into our driveway; tired, hungry and VERY giddy. I pushed all of my limits and DH pushed most of my buttons (even though he wasn't trying too). I had started the ride (including my prep, i.e. eating, water supply, carry-on food, for it) on the aforementioned criterion and with the very clear fact that riding after dark was NOT to happen.

I was pushed to the max and quite honestly beyond. But now I know that I can find my way home, in the dark. And fix a chain, in the dark. Cross bridges on a bike, in the dark (btw, have a mentioned my insane fear of bridges before?). Successfully hold a panic attack at bay, in the dark. And NOT throw my DH over the bridge guardrails, in the dark! :)

The point of my choice to do a tri and change my lifestyle was to push my limits and find myself and inner strength. (And maybe, just a little, to prove someone wrong and that I CAN do anything I want!) Last night proved that I am definitely on that track. And that it may be a long journey and there are miles left to go...but I am here to tell you this story. I survived this time and I will survive the next. If for any reason, then to prove to someone, somewhere (myself included) absolutely WRONG!

Life, School and A New Bike

2006-08-27T23:02:00.000-05:00

Hello all! I know it has been a bit since I wrote, but school is back in full swing. I am taking 18 hours this semester and one of the 6 classes is a Masters level class. Yes I know I am insane! I am back to not working again. DH is ready for me to get out of school and understands that me working=MUCH longer before that happens. SO he is sucking it up and paying for everything!

My training is going great. I am starting to see the effects of weight lifting, cycling class, swimming and walking. I have muscles! Granted they are still under a layer of blubber but they are starting to show! (And I know the blubber is on its way out.) I am shooting for the YMCA Athens Sprint Tri in March. It shouldn't be a problem as long as I keep up what I have been doing.

DH and I have also signed up for the State Fair 5K in September. I am not sure that I will be able to run the whole thing, but hey you gotta start somewhere. I think DH is in it just for the t-shirt! hehehe

And now for the BIG news of the weekend! I HAVE A ROAD BIKE! Woohoo! Brand new too! Specialized WSD Dolce (WSD=Women's Specific Design for all you non-bike ppl out there) She is SWWWEEEET! Silver and Black with a touch of pink :) I will probably be adding aero bars eventually, but right now I am just getting used to the feel of those skinny little wheels. I mean after riding a mountain bike with big ol' gripping tires that can run over almost anything...these tires are the equivalent of going from skates to rollerblades. Slightly easier to balance though! lol

Anyway, I hope to be able to keep you all up to date and add a few of my rants in here and there over the semester. I just want to let you know that if I don't post for a while...well it is because my head is stuck in a book, or my feet are poundin the street, or I'm in a pool, or on a bike, or I am just so tired from all of that, that I am PASSED OUT! lol

Later days!
Emerald

Coddling our kids

2006-08-09T09:31:00.000-05:00

Okay...I don't have kids, but I did have a childhood that I survived...and as a well-balanced adult, I would like to think. What is this about? Well you see it is like this...I usually joke about how we survived childhood. We had metal everything from car seats to swingsets. We played catch with anything...including rocks. Our playgrounds were covered in whatever material was the cheapest for whoever built the darn thing.

These days, everything is child-proofed, plastic, soft, round-cornered, padded...in short protected. Now FIRST let me say I am not advocating not protecting our kids. I think most of this stuff is great! They prevent some stupid things from happening, but only some. Kids will find a way to get stuck, hurt, bonked in the head or break something...it is a fact of life! No matter how safe we adults make it for them. And when you think about it, it is pretty amazing we do survive childhood, no matter how safe or unsafe our environment.

Now for my REAL RANT! I just read a story on CNN about "Should we let our kids feel stung?" (http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/08/08/parenting.protecting.ap/index.html there is the link for ya) For you guys that don't feel like cutting and pasting and read yet more words, here is a summary for you. It is talking about kids being rejected by their peers and if we as adults should or should not allow this to happen. (i.e. inviting the whole class to a b-day party or giving trophies to everyone who participates instead of just the winning team)

DUMB, STUPID, OVER-PROTECTIVE!!!!!!! OF course, kids need to understand rejection and losing. WHY the H*LL should I give the losing t-ball team a trophy?!?!?!??!?!?!?! We are so concerned about raising balanced, happy kids that we are creating basketcases! Think about it...all my childhood I am told that I am the best no matter what I do, I get a ribbon or trophy for anything and everything. Sure I have great self-esteem....UNTIL I leave home and move into the REAL world. Here my boss doesn't care about my self-esteem...if I am on the losing "team" I get fired. And I just can't understand why!

Now I am not saying be mean to the kids but teach them how to accept life. Let them feel rejection, let them know that sometimes we lose, sometimes you have to rely on others to help you gain your goals and unfortunately sometimes the team will still fail. You know...let them learn the lessons that team sports are supposed teach.

And as to the birthday party issue, if you don't to invite everyone in the class MAIL THE FRIGGIN' INVITES! Don't send your kid with them to school! DUH! And there is NO WAY you should have to invite the entire class, unless of course you want to and can afford the expense! Every kid deserves a b-day party, but they are expensive and even more so when you have to invite 30+ kids.

Update on my Addict

2006-07-28T14:51:00.000-05:00

Back a couple of months ago, I wrote about my DH and his desire or decision to stop drinking. I figured I would give you a bit of an update. First off, Time...that is the answer to most of the questions I had in that post. As time has passed, he and we have got better; less bitchy, less cranky and yes we are back to pre-beer fight levels. LOL I mean back to normal for us at least.

It seems that the mountain biking has helped us both. It is something we both like to do. And conquering an obstacle or climb is a great way to blow off steam and the need for a drink. The other thing it does is fill up the evening hours. SO where before he could dwell on the lack of beer now he doesn't have as much time to think about it. I am not saying that he doesn't think about it at all.

So for anyone out there who is dealing with quitting or has someone close that is quitting...hang in there. It will get better, and slowly but surely the desire for the alcohol will lessen. Find a hobby, don't dwell on what you can't have...just get out there and grab what you CAN have since you aren't carrying this alcoholic burden anymore!

Call me Crazy

2006-07-27T09:20:00.000-05:00

Because that is what I am! I have decided that I am going to take this whole exercise thing to the next level...I am going to train for a triathlon! Yes, you did read that right. I am getting a dietician to help with my food and maybe a coach...and I am literally off to the races!

Just for a little background here. I didn't take PE in High School...in fact I intentionally found a way around it, ROTC. It counted as a PE credit because we occasionally marched. :) In Jr. High, I was on the basketball team, so I guess you could say that was athletic...until I explain I was the token white girl and saw about as much floor time as a...well...as a bad player on a good team sees! lol So you can see my athletic past is bad to say the least.

But here I stand on the brink of jumping over the line...and actually doing this. I am waiting for a reply from my possible coach (possible because I am not sure I can afford him!) to set me up with some test he wants me to do (metabolic something or other, to see how efficient my body us at burning fuel...I mean food.) and to get me the name of my dietician.

So now the trick becomes...balance. I must bablance training, DH and my babies, my friends, school and my religion. Sigh...what the heck...I have already juggled everything else what is one more thing! :)

Here we go!

Hotness...but not the good kind

2006-07-18T14:38:00.000-05:00

Good Grief! This weather has got to GO! Why can't we have Global Freezing? I think I would rather that than all this heat and drought! BLECK!

It is over a 102 degrees (at least) today. And there is no end in sight! Now to add to the heat, we have drought. Which sucks all by itself, but here is the DFW area we have a lovely algae that grows in the summer that makes our water smell like...well, quite frankly...it smells like the bottom of the pond, CRAP! And the drought makes this particular algae grow even more. Bottled water, here I come!

Ok, complaint over. Now for the update, well a brief one anyway. One of my summer classes is done and I have one test left in the second one, then I will be done til the middle of August! :) Biking is awesome, and keeps getting more awesome! I have managed to stop falling in poison ivy (knock on wood, non-poisonous wood) and I am starting to conquer things that I didn't think I ever would! Still got to get over my log fear. (Riding over them is lets say an issue for me!) DH is traveling alot, so I am having plenty of time to catch up on everything. SO hopefully that will translate into more writing time. :)

Well that is about it for now...I am off to bask in the AC of my office!

Itchy, Scratchy and a New Bike

2006-07-07T16:02:00.000-05:00

I got a new bike. And then I got poison ivy.

Okay, what do these two things have in common? Well I wasn't used to the new bike...so I fell off of said bike into a convenient bed of poison ivy. Fun, yes I know. According to everyone else, it is not too bad. I have never had poison ivy (piv from here on out) before, so apparently this never ending itch that you are not allowed to scratch is a "mild" case.

Now for those of you who have had this dreaded piv rash, I am sure you know of the millions of "Get rid of it quick!" products out there. Have you found any that work? I haven't. I found one the promised to stop the itch and dry it up...it has successfully dried my skin around it and made it itch more. Then there is the calamine/anti itch mix...it left me pink with a hard muddy coating and STILL itching! So far the only thing that seems to have worked is time and long sleeves/pants (YES in July!) to prevent direct scratching...however, I have determined rubbing is okay! :D

Busy, busy

2006-06-20T17:13:00.000-05:00

Most people think of summer as relaxing time...vacation, laid back easy going...All I have to say is "YEAH RIGHT!"

I want to post to let whoever may be reading this know that I am still breathing, albeit heavily. I have gone back to my old job just for the summer and of course I mentioned the classes I take...the group I started...the house I run...oh yeah and I have decided to start mountian biking with DH. That is fun...actually too fun, becasue that is all we want to do now. I guess what they say about exercise and once you get started is true. In fact, I am on my way out the office door now to go hit the trails by my home. YIPPPPPEEEEEE!

So I am still alive, I will post again, I just have to find a topic and time!

The benefits of cramming your brain full of stuff...I mean, information

2006-06-06T14:15:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was the second time my two summer classes met. And I am already behind and I have a headache! These classes are 8 week long, meet two days a week for 3 hours at a time. So at the end of Mondays and Wednesdays for the next 8 weeks my brain will be crammed full of knowledge that I will be required to regurgitate on the listed test days.

The surprising thing is...my brain actually retains this information! Well let me qualify that, it retains some of the information. The proof I have of this...I did virtually the same thing last semester...longer session but three times the classes...and of those classes one was a "pre-quel" to one for this summer. Where is the proof of information retention? Oh that would be in the fact that I could understand the book we are reading (which requires understanding the information from the last class). SO see information retained!

So where does that put me and all those other students out there that feel their brains starting to reach max capacity? The odd feeling of an inevitable explosion? Well, nowhere near a solution to the explosion problem....but at least we can revel in the idea that maybe....just maybe we will acquire some useful information that will stay with us................as long as our heads don't explode.

If the explosion does occur, we can take comfort in the fact that the information we lost will no longer be needed. :-)

The Pain of Loss

2006-05-25T10:38:00.000-05:00

Losing a loved-one or a friend is hard...even if it is a small furry one. Rocko passed away on Friday the 19th. I haven't written anything because it is fresh...too fresh in my mind. But today I realized that writing this out may just help.

The poor boy started having seizures on Thursday Night. He was racked with them for 5 to 10 minutes, then he stopped breathing for a bit. Then his body started to try fight and survive. I decided that I would let him try to go peacefully at home. But the next day he was seizing again and I knew I couldn't put him through anymore. DH took him to the Vet and....well you can fill in the blank.

I had a funeral ritual for him that night. And celebrated his life with us. Remembering all the funny little things he would do. But in the end I realized that now he is with his sister whom he loved dearly, Kiki. She passed away a couple of years ago. But now they are together in the Summerland...and I am sure they are snuggled up together, snoring! lol

I miss my children that are no longer with me. But I am a better person since I had them in my life.

PS And yes writing this out has helped. Rocko, I miss you! I love you and Kiki; always will!

Seems to me...

2006-05-23T09:11:00.000-05:00

It seems to me that no matter how hard I try not to be a teacher, I ALWAYS end up being one! You see, I was raised by teachers. My mom, grandma, grandpa, uncle, aunt...basically my mother's entire family were and are teachers. My grandpa and uncle worked up to principal, but still teachers nonetheless. Even my DH's family has multiple teachers. So both he and I know and understand the struggles our teachers go through and the horrible pay they receive.

So that is part of my problem with teaching...but the other part is I just don't WANT to do it! As far as teaching in a school, there are too many federal interruptions. You don't teach the kids, you teach the test. And how exactly does THAT give us educated citizens? It doesn't. It just gives us automatons that all know the least amount required by the federal standards. That is why we have no great minds...we don't let them exist. We are TOO caught up in equality and that causes us to flat line our great minds. All of this obviously only applies to the education system...

But there are other types of teaching. And while I have managed to stay out of the "system" as a teacher, I still manage to be a teacher! While in high school, I was the leader of the flute and piccolo line (as lame as that sounds) in the marching band. There I found myself teaching younger players how to march. Then after that I managed to escape teaching for a while, then I found myself as the head trainer at a restaurant! Again teaching. Then I escaped that...only to land a job at a florist shop teaching them how to use the computer system (I had been raised using it so I knew it like the back of my hand!). That was followed by a stint as a swim teacher...that was REALLY teaching. I taught kids from 6 months & up to swim. Yes, it was great fun...right up til I found out I am allergic to chlorine!

But that job taught me something...the harder you run from something; the faster it will catch you. By George you might even like it when it does! I loved that job, those kids...yes even the trouble ones! I would still be there today if it weren't for the horrible rash and the sick feeling I get from being in the chlorine too long. So with that job I accepted that maybe teaching was something I was meant to do. Don't get me wrong...I am NOT going to go teach in the school systems! Remember I am a Government Major...I know how effed up our school systems are.

But I am no longer denying part of myself. I am a teacher, I was raised by teachers, I have it in my blood.

All of this ties back to my "New Beginnings" post...there I said I was starting a group. Well it seems my group may be growing. And I am the teacher...

I think the most important thing in all of this is I learned to embrace myself for who I am, even if my ego tells me I don't want to be that. And I learned to NEVER stop learning...that is the only true way to teach.

Life with an addict...trying to stop

2006-05-22T12:56:00.000-05:00

Bless him! My DH has finally decided to stop drinking. And while I am terribly proud of him and trying to support him any way I can. He is a GROUCH! And he is driving me crazy! I would say he is driving me to drink, but I can't drink in front of him, of course!

It doesn't help that I am hard-headed and stubborn...and so is he! So we butt heads at the best of times. So can you imagine in the worst of times? Yeah it is like the Clash of the Titans. Violent yelling storms, chilly silences, icy stares...and ABSOLUTELY NO PROGRESS! Well other than we usually end up feeling worse than when we started and both needing a drink that we can't have more than ever. Overall, it sucks!

So what I want to know is, how do people deal with this? Is the person that stops drinking going to be bitchy forever? Or is it a temporary thing? Or is it a personality trait that had been hidden by the beer? I guess I will see...eventually.

Drama...in all its wonderful forms

2006-05-16T09:40:00.000-05:00

Ahhh...the joys of drama. But what would life be without it? BORING!!!!

Lets talk about Will and B...B (that's the Jack Russell Terrorist) was being her usual terrorist self yesterday. She was trying to hoard all of the toys to herself. Well Will managed to nip one away...B gives chase...nips at the toy and accidentally nips Will instead. Needless to say, Will turned B into a living rag doll. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCKkkkkkkkkkkkkkk! When Will let go, B put on her best Scarlett O'Hara act. Whining, crying, hiding behind me (once I ran outside, DH was already out there and had witnessed the whole thing). Will instantly turned to mush in the corner of the yard...she knew she was in trouble!

I took B inside and gave her a bath (cause she had been REALLY scared even if she was playing it up a bit). Found no blood, just a couple of bruises or at least soon-to-be bruises. Checked her bones (used to work at a vet so I can do the once over-thing I am trained...but if you are not PLEASE take your injured animal to the vet ASAP), made her walk, and while she limped a bit...she was still in tact. So first thing this morning we head to the vet. She is fine...she received antibiotics and pain meds for the bruising.

As for Will, she is still playing Wounded Will. She is trying to sit in my DH's lap, which is the height of comedy because she is 60 pounds and steps in all the wrong places! I know I shouldn't laugh...but HAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahhahHAHAHAHAHAHhHAHAHAHHA! She walks with her head down and stares at us with big brown eyes, trying to say "I'm sorry." So she has a bit of the Scarlett streak too.

So there you have my drama from last night. And all I can say is that my life is anything but BORING!

New beginnings

2006-05-03T01:47:00.000-05:00

Well, here we go. My first witchy post. I warned you that they would show up sooner or later. As I believe I said before (I am too lazy to go check right now) I am Pagan. Earth-based, polytheist religion. I have been for 8 years now. (So all those with hopes of converting me turn back now! I am not a convertible!) Anyway, over this time I have had starts and stops, rapid growth and slow contemplation. Basically, I have had the turning of the wheel present in my life. The Goddess and God have blessed me with growth, time to heal and growth some more. Much like a field that lays fallow for a while will produce the next crop better, I have been cycled a few times.

I am currently in another cycle. One that seems to just have started, one I find VERY exciting. I have been told to start a learning circle. A book club for witches if you will. A safe place for my sisters and brothers to come and discuss the books we read; as well as, their own life and growth. A place for affirmation, love and hope.

I believe this is an important aspect of anyone's life...But I know how hard it is to find like-minded people. And even when you do, it is difficult not to think "I can't say that, they will think I am crazy!" I didn't have anyone to even think that about when I first started out. Much less, someone I could share the new feelings and first "tingle" of Magic with...I was very lonely and usually ended up questioning myself. But over time I figured out that I was not crazy and the "things" I felt were real. But that took a long time.

After I finally settled into my life and power, I finally did find someone. A very good friend who is helping me start this group, one of the charter members I guess you could say. She calls me her mentor, teacher and friend. I am happy to hold each of these titles to her...and I am ready to take on the role of teacher to the ones who will eventually join this group. But in actuality, she is my teacher too. She shows me that I am not insane, that I have more to learn. She sees in me a teacher and a mentor and in seeing that she has created me into just that. And now thanks to her I get to move forward into a new beginning, a new time of growth.

So to my friend I raise my glass and say "To new beginnings, May we grow together!"

I want to post something...

2006-04-28T23:48:00.000-05:00

I have been having a hard time posting. I have started two posts and not published them. I have something I want to say but I can't get it out of my brain in a sensible way. So for the loyal readers I don't yet have, I promise something new will go up soon. I just have to get past the block I got going on.

As an update, Will and B are doing great! Stiches came out today and my girls are back to normal. But let me just give you a mental picture here...the vet said to keep their activity limited. For those of you with a Jack Russell Terrorist (that would be B), you may laugh your a** off now...limit the activity of a JRT, is my vet INSANE???? Now for the mental picture part...me and my hubby piled up on a pallet in the living room floor! That is what we did to keep the pups grounded. You would think a huge gash with stiches would have kept them from jumping...nope not my girls! They were trying to jump onto our 4 foot high king size bed the MOMENT they arrived home! Thus the pallet in the living room. Anyway, now is all back to normal. We have gotten back into our nice comfy bed and the girls no longer have those pestering, itchy stiches. And the best part...I have thrown the doggie diapers out the door!

Now I promise to get rid of the writer's block and get something going here. Time to go spray my "Block-Be-Gone" See ya soon!

Emerald

As Bob Barker would say...

2006-04-19T08:58:00.000-05:00

Okay, okay...Bob Barker has always kinda creeped me out, but his patient reminder of "Spay or Neuter your pet!" is on my mind this morning. My boys (the cats, Tigg and Raff, nicknames you know) are neutered have been for sometime now. But this morning I had to drop the girls (the dogs, Will and B...yes those are nicknames, too!) at the vet's office. It was a long time coming, I should have had Mr. Barker's request done earlier. (And no I don't make it a habit to take advice from creepy men on tv.)But I always managed to put it off...

You see I used to work at a vet clinic (I know why didn't I get them "fixed" then). I have seen the surgery. I have taken care of the pups that have had it. I know they get pain meds, they are asleep through the surgery; in short, they get all the comforts we (humans) get when we get chopped up. I guess it comes down to I had the vague hope that I could have babies...well I guess it would be Will and B actually HAVING them. But I wanted puppies! Now my hopes are being surgerically cut out and thrown in the trash.

But I am okay with that. I wanted puppies...BUT then I realized I couldn't keep them after they had grown up...not a chance that I could have that many dogs running around. Hell, I almost have too many animals as it is! So my girls are going under the knife, and I am worried sick. But I know in my heart it will be okay. Besides there are a million benefits to them being spayed...the biggest one...................................NO MORE DOGGIE DIAPERS! I hate it when I am "in heat" but I hate it even more when Will and B are.

So the moral of the story today is don't forget to get your animals spayed or neutered...unless of course you want a million puppies and kitties running around your house!

No, seriously, there are too many animals out there without homes or people to love them. Why would we want to add more to the list? I may joke that I want puppies...but when it is time for me to have another, I am heading to the pound, ASPCA or a rescue group in the area. Let's make the list shorter, not longer.

The Joys of Reality...TV that is

2006-04-18T17:14:00.000-05:00

TV...one of my favorite pasttimes...well at least it is a way to get the hell away from homework! On that note...I LOVE FOOD NETWORK! Actually I love to cook, thus the love of cooking shows because they teach me cool tricks and let me find new foods to try. But I now believe that reality TV has gone TOO far! The Next Food Network Star needs to go away! I know that it is necassary to find the next star, but do I HAVE to be involved in this PAINFUL process? And it never fails with me and reality TV, I am disappointed. Unfortunately, I turn on the TV, reality show is on, and...I get sucked in! Then the one person I like and think "Oh they would be okay!" gets kicked off and the weirdos are left! Ughhhhhh! Not that I couldn't find one that I would RATHER have...doesn't really matter I won't watch their new show anyway. At that time I will change to whatever my Tivo has recorded for me.

And now for two...

2006-04-18T00:10:00.000-05:00

Write...that is what I said I was going to do. So here we go.

Maybe I should give you a bit of an idea of who I am. First I am married. No kids...well no human kids. I have 5 kids with fur. 2 dogs (Lab and Jack Russell, both girls), 2 Cats (boys), and 1 ferret (also a boy)...yes a ferret! I go to school. I am a "non-traditional" student, meaning I am older than most of the students there. (Not that much older though! Comes down to I didn't know what I want to do, so I waited around til I did) What I wanted to do turns out to have something to do with government. Or at least that is what my BA will be in. I figure eventually I will work for an interest group.

Now just to give you fair warning...I will have political talk here. Everyone has to vent sometimes, right? And in further interest of warning, I am Pagan--that means I am a believer in Earth-based, polytheistic, ancient knowledge. If you want more info, stick around...I will most likely end up sharing some. If I don't and you still want to know more, try a search engine or a library. I am a firm believer in figuring things out for yourself...but PLEASE be smart about it. There is a lot of BS out there, if it don't sound right, it might not be. Find more sources, compare facts, make up your own mind.

On that note, it is late. And it is time for me to take the pups and head to bed. Dear Hubby (aka DH) is already there and snoring...yes he snores and yes I still love him! :)

Later

So here is the first...

2006-04-17T14:31:00.000-05:00

Okay, what do you put as your first post? Who I am? What I stand for? What I want this to be?

Nope, too standard for me! Well I am not sure of the answers anyway. The plan is to write...just that. See what I come up with and how often I do. So if you hang around you will probably figure me out (but if you do can you let me in on the secret?).